SURVIVOR: IOWATU--Tribal Caucus Talent Competition

(Dateline: Java Joe's, Isle of Des Moines, Iowatu)

If it's Caucus Eve, it's the return of "Morning Joe" to Java Joe's on the Isle of Des Moines. And though time and taste did not allow MSNBC to show it, here is your insiders' look at the final challenge before we kick someone off this island, the Candidates' Concertina, the Runners' Rhapsody, the Viers' Vocals: the big pre-caucus SING-OFF!!

In taped footage we see Mr. and Mrs. Romney making some bizarre hand gesture, as if they are in mid-wave toward the crowd. But no, it's not that...it's the CHICKEN DANCE:
"I don't wanna be a loser, not so sure I'll come in first, so I'll stake my claim," Mitt intones.

And when one Rick admits to calling on the lord to help out another Rick during a recent debate debacle, the pitied one, Mr. Perry, reminds the other that though they both hate the gays and in school want to pray:
"Don't pray for me, Rick Santina!"

Next to take the stage, and in high island style go for the classic Buffett reference, Mr. Paul croons:
"I blew out the flip-floppers, but stepped on a hot topic, showed my fangs tried to hang onto third."

And though it often seems she's more the old woman who lived in the shoe, Mrs. Bachmann turned on her "Iron Lady" persona:
"I'm Margaret Thatcher, corn caucus crasher, watching polls slide by."

Next up was Mr. Gingrich who made sure to cry and pout as he complained with these strains:
"Swiftboated on the TV today, watchin' my surge roll away, sittin' out in old I-O-Way, wastin' time."

But the crowd was waiting for the man of the hour, and he did not disappoint. Google master, Mr. Santorum, laid out the velvet pipes taking a page (and a lot of tea) from Bachmann's Man-turner Over-ride:
"I am by far the best man, I am your sweater vest man, I'm a conservative, on this I will not give, I am your man-hating man!"

Now, natives of Iowatu, their fates lie in your hands. You must decide who will live on to sing in another state and who should be kicked off the GOP side of "the isle".

Come on, caucusers: Who's Got Talent??