Friday, January 27, 2012

Newt's Scootin' Boogie: BLUE NEWT

Oh Newton, you figgy, figgy little man. Mitty Romney's staff have finally awakened and decided to do a little research. And my, oh my, you didn't care for that one bit. You got angry and petulant, which for you, on a smart day, means you keep your trap closed. Mitt put you in his quiet room all right! (But more on last night's debate in a post to come.)

And I've done a little research of my own. For example, let's examine this favorite word in your lexicon: GRANDIOSE. When I utilize my online Dictionary Application, I find that much is said about the difference in connotation and meaning between the words "grandiose" and "grand". They are not interchangeable. For while we know that the adjective "grand" refers to something resplendent and wondrous, "grandiose" takes that meaning one twisted step further. The author (not listed by name) who commented on this delicious definitions debate, put it thusly: "...while to be grand is one thing, to be grandiose is quite another. Something grandiose is pretentiously grand; grand with a self-satisfied smirk."1


If you then scroll down and consider the insight of Wikipedia, you find the following short dissertation: "Grandiosity is chiefly associated with narcissistic personality disorder, but also commonly features in manic or hypomanic episodes of bipolar disorder. It also refers to a sense of uniqueness, the belief that few others have anything in common with oneself and that one can only be understood by a few or very special people."2 Or, in the words of the prophet, Charlie Sheen, "I'm a rock star from Mars."

In a recent speech, and perhaps channelling Sir Issac, Newton related his "grandiose" concept of establishing a permanent colony on the Moon. In the span of a mere five sentences, Newt used the word "grandiose" six times. 3 Here again we consult our online Dictionary: moon (intransitive verb) -- "to behave in a listless or aimless manner" or "to act in a dreamily infatuated manner". For Moon (transitive verb) -- "to expose one's buttocks to (someone) in order to insult or amuse them" is given. 4


Putting aside the fact that the 1967 Outer Space Treaty, which has been signed and ratified by at least 100 countries on the six major continents and signed but not yet ratified by another 26, disallows any nation's claim on the Moon as its own, let's follow the progression of this fanciful and yes, grandiose notion. Bishop John Williams is thought to be the first to advance the idea of a colony on the Moon, and of course man first began exploring the Moon with the Soviet Moon shot of 1959. Today, our Asian "rivals" -- China, India, and Japan -- are eyeing the 2022-2030 time frame for a Moon installation, but do not plan to make such an outpost permanent. Think International Space Station-styled ventures. 5


But Newton not only seems to ignore the treaty's imperatives, he goes on to say that if we get roughly 13,000 people to inhabit this colony, it can then apply for statehood. (At this point in my studies, I thought I'd better look to the stars to inform me on the conditions of the man's Earth landing.)

I give you the Degrees of Separation (from reality) of one Newton Leroy Gingrich, born on June 17, 1943, a birthday he shares with Barry Manilow. Mr. Manilow proudly boasts that he, "writes the songs that make the whole world sing." He has also told us that he's "Ready to Take a Chance Again," "Looks Like We Made It", "It's a Miracle", "I'm Your Man," "Could It Be Magic," "We Still Have Time," and, in his weaker (hypomanic, perhaps) moments, "Tryin' To Get The Feeling Again," "This One's For You," and "Where Do I Go From Here". 6 Continuing on the Canciones Campaign, we find that the number one song at the moment of both men's birth was Benny Goodman's "Taking a Chance on Love". The song "Blue Moon", which has been recorded by many artists, was only listed as being recorded by one band of note in the year 1943, "Charlie and His Orchestra" also known as "Templin Band" and "Bruno and his Swinging Tigers" and also known as a Nazi-sponsored German propaganda swing band which is of course apropos of NOTHING, but a good piece trivia nonetheless. 7


But let's turn to the world of scientific publications, "Sky and Telescope" magazine, to be exact. In that same Newton-struck summer, the magazine ran in its trivia feature, "Star Quiz", a question asking readers what you call the second full moon in the same month. The answer given was "a blue moon". First referenced in a 1528 pre-Shakespearean poem, the term has meant different things at different moments in history. The 1937 "Maine Farmers' Almanac", to which "Sky and Telescope" referred, holds that when a season has four full moons rather than three, the third is a "blue moon". "Sky and Telescope" ran another mention of the term in a 1946 issue, and was picked up by Deborah Byrd for her 1970s radio program, "Star Date". Before the 1943 mention, the phrase "blue moon" was not commonly known. 9

Great, so what does all this tell us about Newton? Well, according to "Sky and Telescope" rules -- where a "blue moon" can occur in any month but a truncated February -- the next "blue moon" will occur in August of 2012. For the next "blue moon" according to "Maine Farmers' Almanac" rules -- in which a "blue moon" can occur only one month before a solstice or equinox, in other words only in February, May, August, and November -- you have to wait a year, until August of 2013. Ironically, there was no blue moon at all in 1943. 10

Will this impact the 2012 election, or Newton? No one knows. What we do know from the elephant's mouth himself, is that Newton doesn't want to see us become "timid" or rely on "50-year-old technology". (Thus we have great breakthroughs like Viagra: The little blue moon pill.)  If elected, will he push for his lunar boondoggle and go all "Newtony on the Pouty" on us, or will the entire grandiose notion crater him?

Let's give another political lady the opportunity to jump in on this one. In her nationally syndicated "My Day" column from June 17, 1943 -- that auspicious day -- Eleanor Roosevelt admonished us to "put on your rubbers and eat your supper,"11 which sounds like apt enough advice for Newton to me.

1, 4 Apple's online dictionary app
3 Newt Gingrich interview
2, 5, 7 Wikipedia
6 Barry Manilow songlists
8, 9, 10 "Sky and Telescope" website
11 Compiled by George Washington University

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

PROSE BOWL: N.ews + F.ootball + L.iterature

"Because I could not stop the Newt,
He kindly took a knee--
On marriage held by just ourselves,
Calista makes three."

~~MariEmily Dickinsrich


"Shall I compare thee to frontrunner's way?
Mitt art more Romney and more temperate:
Rough polls point to the yards you've given 'way,
In tax releases, noisy Newt debates."

~~Willard Shakespeer

"In Newt thou see'st the twilight of Mitt's play,
As after Romney fadeth in the West,
Which tie-by-tie Black Knight doth take away,
March 6th, the South: That seals up all the rest."

~~Willard Shakesfear

"Let not Rick to the marriage of like kinds,
Admit to God: Their love is not true love
He faulters when an altercation finds,
And tends not to recover nor improve."

~~Willorum HatesHere

"Busy old fool, unruly son,
Why must thou fuss?
Through warfare and through bubbles call on us,
Must to thy Constitution always run?"

~~Ron Donne

"Silly semantics, Rick, go hide,
Fake choirboy and sour princess M.,
Go tell poor Huntsman that the party's pride
Calls angry rants what harvest office, men!"

~~All Donne

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Eye of Newt and Wing of Mitt

In the world of news and opinion, there is a gastronomy. We likely all would take a different view of its order, just as we do of the menu of content.

But let that not stop me from going "half-baked artisan" by attempting to classify today's fare:

You watch only "Democracy Now!", "The Thom Hartman Show", and the like on FSTV and Link, and read The Nation: You are a raw, local foods person.

You watch Current TV documentaries, listen to progressive radio, and read the Huffington Post blog: You are a vegan.

You watch MSNBC selectively, read The New York Times and The Washington Post: You are a vegetarian.

You watch everything on MSNBC, but give to MoveOn and Common Cause: You are an organic-leaning, occasional carnivore.

You watch CNN and CNBC, check out RedState and Slate.com, and read The Wall Street Journal: You are a meat-and-potatoes, full-time carnivore.

You watch only Fox News, listen to Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck, and read the Washington Times: You butcher your own food (and might be in odd agreement with the raw/local food types).

You try to watch, read, listen to, and share as many divergent views as possible, hamstrung to none: You  are an omnivore and more enlightened than all the above put together.

That's the prayer, now let's eat!

Friday, January 20, 2012

CAROLINA DREAMIN'

When I was young and had an imaginary friend
I would draw little circles on her skin with my finger,
And she would giggle, making dust fly
Warm and sweet like dark powdered sugar.

We would sit for hours, styling her blades of green hair,
With my toes kneading patches of flowery clover,
And if a strange word blew in on a foreign breeze
She would decipher it in the soft stirring of oak branches.

And we would run, to all the places I'd never known--
Soaring castles of vining kudzu,
Great deltas that formed after a rain,
Magic labyrinths of spiders' floss.

We talked of love and sunshine,
We sang on swings and rocked on porches,
We prayed for the ants on the sidewalk
And the weeds in the cracks that they crossed.

And though I grew older and our visits drew shorter
I still wrote songs to her,
Massaged her tired blacktop backbone and shoulders
At 60 miles-per-hour, I fanned away the heat.

She'd had her sorrows and wrongs,
Like any friend, at times she disappointed me--
Great statues stood their guiltful watch
While an old friend quietly forgave.

I came to know more of her,
And as those miles stretched between us
I remembered the newfound joy of our pretend places,
Of the magical jaunts born of endless afternoons.

Whether she pushed me or I pulled away
I can never entirely be sure--
We'd belonged together, now grown apart,
And I left without saying goodbye.

I got a letter from her this week,
She sounded stressed out, fed up, worn down--
Her words held a harshness unfamiliar to me,
A crossness evident with each phrase.

I barely recognized the photograph,
Deep lines divided a once bright face--
Wrinkles wrought from rage,
Freckles founded in fear.

I wanted to tell her it was a phase,
Aging, perhaps the function of false alliances,
I wanted her to believe that the circle would come round
As it had when I'd traced it so long ago.

I reminded her of the coolness of her soil,
The calm that lies just beneath the burning,
Of the sharp crackle of stepping on acorns
Like the babble of new baby trees.

And as I wrote, I could almost smell sweetgrass,
Feel the tickle of ants on my toes,
Hear the purr of lawnmower engines,
And see the soft glow of lightning bugs.

I told her that those vines which seemed to choke
Also grew, arms outstretched
Bringing power poles to life
And drawing filigree over their lines.

She had attended the deaths of injustices
And been present for the birth of dreams--
Every tear joined her rivers,
Each cast stone, mountains built.

I asked her to believe she still had beauty,
That a gracefulness remained,
And I wished for her a civility
Which only empathy brings.

Never before had we to mention,
In all those years we'd shared,
That faith and politicians
Should somehow be compared.

I included a great old picture--
I'm ten, honeysuckle in my mouth,
With a train passing by behind me
Slowly stitching up the South.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Social Contract

If you missed "Morning Joe" Monday, you did not hear the BEST conversation I've ever encountered on our nation's income disparity and the sentiment of the people -- whether members of the Tea Party or Occupiers.

Joe Scarborough was off-set but added his view that people trust "big business" much more than "big government". Dr. Jeffrey Sachs took on that view by reminding Joe that there is no "free market" when rules are broken and wrong-doing occurs. Suze Orman drove that point home: "What happened on Wall Street is the reason people don't have a house or equity". She spoke of how the most recent distrust of the banks began when many began floating the idea of new fees, such as the $5 per transaction debit card debacle. She finished by telling us that the ills of the financial sector "led to middle America disappearing".

When Mike Barnacle jumped in with the "personal responsibility" argument, Suze took that on as well. She cited "financial illiteracy" and the evil of giving people the "rope to hang themselves". The exclamation point to her argument was quite effective: "We don't let kids drive when they're 3."

Dr. Sachs gave the history lesson: Fraud and deregulation began in the 1980s with the "Savings and Loan Scandal" and the "big boys" got the message that they could "make big money and get bailed out" if investments didn't pan out. "They knew exactly what they were doing," he added.

Mika cited a New York Times column written by Ross Douthat in which he explains how capital investment firms "served investors and not employees. America's edge came with a cost," he tells us. "The economy was more efficient and GDP kept growing," but this "new wealth was less evenly distributed." This fiscal "revolution" created growth, but did so at the expense of "stability" and "certainty". He adds that for many Americans, "private equity buyouts cost them...a good job." With Bain Capital obliquely referenced -- and by extension, Mitt Romney -- the Reverend Al Sharpton seized on Romney's absurd "politics of envy" comment. "People fighting for collective bargaining...in Ohio and Wisconsin aren't jealous of wealth."

But it was The New York Times column written by Charles Blow that brought out the true star of this topic. Charles cited Elizabeth Warren's stump speech explanation of "The Social Contract" to make the point that the "wealthy want all the benefits and none of the responsibility." The games of Wall Street and the ire of the people come down to this bygone concept which, sadly, we seem to have mislaid.

In a speech in Boston last September, Ms. Warren tells us: "For 50 years, if a family got richer the nation got richer. During the...1970s and 1980s (to the present), wages have been flat. The percentage of workers represented by unions dropped...and Congress quietly changed the rules (deregulations)" making "tricks" easier for lenders to pull on borrowers.

But perhaps her most eloquent speech on the topic came last August in Andover, Massachusetts. She explained, with great emotion, to the crowd assembled that no one has ever started a business by themselves. I'll paraphrase her vision: The highways you use to transport your products, we paid for. The workers you hire, we paid to educate. The police officers and fire fighters that keep your factory safe, we all paid for. If you started a business and you're doing well, God bless! Keep a huge hunk of it. But part of the unwritten Social Contract is that you take a chunk and pay it forward for the next kid.

Quite simply folks, that is who we are as a nation, as a democracy, as an interconnected society. How anyone could find fault with this rather than great pride is beyond me. Being reminded of it with Elizabeth Warren's words, and others, was a moving tribute as it came on the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s day.

Joe tried once more with the words, "Free enterprise is messy." He put the focus on Europe's financial crisis, saying their governments and debts grew too large, causing their mess. In other words, "big government" goes wrong and we blame "big business". Dr. Sachs wisely disagreed: "The 1% have gamed the federal government...(and we need to) end the games because the middle and lower classes don't want to pay for a rigged market." If you add to that the fact that banks, hedge fund managers, and big corporations don't pay their share in taxes, as Dr. Sachs reminds us, you have the recipe for the stew we find ourselves in now.

That's what happens with "big business", and when that money lays the red carpet for our elected politicians. The system IS rigged, and the dis-empowered are left on the hook to clean up the bad investments of this "messy free market" or ours. (With their tax dollars, of course. It's not like they have any portfolios or retirement funds left!)

Thank you sir, I'll have another. Let's push our pols for an Amendment to undo Citizens United. Let's kill these ill-conceived SuperPACs. Let's demand that EVERYONE pay just as everyone benefits, according to that wonderful social contract of which Elizabeth Warren so artfully reminded us. Wherever you fall on the political spectrum is immaterial. This is your fight because this is OUR fight.

Yes sir, I'll have another all right. With HALF of our population in or near poverty, I'll take another reality. A reality shaped by the revolution of "disparate" voices coming together in a new harmony for equality and economic justice!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Occupy the Tea Party

(Yes, I know I just wrote nasty things about Rick Santorum and that this might seem a hypocritical blog post. I'm still working on slaying that dragon myself. But this thing is just festering in my head and if I don't get it out, well, my head will smell bad. Besides, our politics, our civic conversation does not have to be pretty and sanitized. We're big kids, we can handle jabs and barbs. And if we didn't blow off steam at each other's foolishness, well, then all our heads would begin to smell. So take the words below with as much salt as your doctor advises and know that I reserve the right to swing violently between viewpoints at any time. And so should you. I think open heads don't stink so much.)

Hammered dulcimer (the instrument is the one hammered, not the musician) king, John McCutcheon, has a song called "Christmas in the Trenches" that is lovely and very telling. In it McCutcheon relates the story of World War I as seen through the eyes of a soldier on the front lines. He describes the scene on "the frozen fields of France" when the adversaries cease their firing to enjoy a Christmas ballgame, share a meal, and set aside their differences for a while, at least. When they inevitably return to warring, each man is changed in that now he thinks, "Whose loved one have I fixed into my sights?"

The broader point that this song makes is that war is the chief way that the wealthy and powerful get the poor and helpless to wipe each other out. We do their bidding in the name of some perceived threat, trumped up event, or so-called necessary commodity. They convince us that we must take up arms and point them at someone exactly like us in a slightly different-looking uniform with a funny accent. McCutcheon sings, "And on both ends of the rifle, we're the same."

Which makes me (and others) wonder: What if the Occupy Movement found a way to join forces with The Tea Party? Sure, there are differences, but there are also commonalities. Let's start with perception. Have the powerful led us to believe that all Occupiers are out-of-work, dirty, commie hippies? Yes. And have we been fed the line that all Tea Partiers are racist, heartless idiots? Yes. Is either of these statements entirely true of either side? Of course not. But if we were to ever figure that out it would really be bad for the dreaded "establishment" -- the ones we support AND the ones we do not.

I want President Obama to be re-elected. I also want to clean up the worst elements in our politics -- SuperPacs born of the CitizensUnited decision -- and let our elected officials know that we expect a 23rd Amendment to end this foolishness of "corporations are people". And we'd better get on that bandwagon soon, as now the push is to enable corporations to give money directly to candidates rather than having them be bothered with "laundering" it though SuperPacs. Poor Koch Brothers, so put upon! What an unfair disadvantage for the busy Las Vegas casino owners, pharmaceutical companies, etc.

And I would throw the money-lenders and influence-peddlers of K Street out on their arses. The only revolving doors I like are the ones at the Rockbottom Brewery. Going in is easy, coming out though...

What if we had a spirited soccer match like the soldiers in the song. What if we read our "letters from home" telling each other our stories, explaining our causes, and sharing our fears. What if I could make a Tea Partier see that public unions are vital and do a ton of good? What if a Tea Partier could bring me to understand that there may be a regulation out there that we can agree to disparage? We might come up with a way to grow green jobs while trimming our discretionary spending. We could be honest about our changing demographics -- whether we're discussing the aging population or the increasingly non-Caucasian trends -- and attempt to restructure our safety nets and help our immigrants gain legal status.

We could take on any fight of our choosing with real bipartisanship of a stripe that would scare the bejesus out of D. C. And if we accomplished anything at all we would have done more than the current incarnation of Congress.

We just have to remember that we all have someone out there who loves us, as we all love our country. We just need to scream at each other -- sure, that's part of it -- but when that's done, try to find the places where we can come together. We just need to never let "them" make us forget that "on each end of the political spectrum we're the same."

Santo(rum) Bats .150

Republican "hopeful" Rick Santorum won the support of 150 "evangelical leaders" at a meeting in Texas this weekend. Though the name of the ranch in Houston might not have been an epithet carved in stone, after three ballots, the choice of Santo was. (Neighbors reported a dark smoke encircling the area upon the rendering of the final vote, but that turned out to be a small witch fire, not a papal-choosing rip-off.)

Santo, the self-described "jesus candidate", was not present at the festivities as he was working the crowds at public appearances in the current "primary target" of South Carolina, self-described as "secession central". Some 60% of the state's Republican voters call themselves "evangelicals" which loosely translates as: "I pinky swore with the savior that I would tell everyone in the world that unless they agree with me they are screwed--by a person of my choosing, of course." Lovely, eh?

Or, as it is written in Rick 3:16 -- For Santo so despised the gays, that he gave his only begotten name, that whosoever should google it, should not get him but have everlasting strife. And eeeeww!

And if I was in charge of Santo's campaign ads (or had a big, silly PAC), I would go the DirecTV route of getting his message across. Fade in: There's Rick firing up his Google machine. The narrator intones the words: "When you want information fast, you use Google." Now Rick sees his result. "When you use Google, sometimes you don't like what you see." Rick makes a pissy face. "When you don't like what you see, you get angry." Rick rips the sleeves off his sweater. "When you get angry, you rend your clothing." Rick holds up the drooping, ruined sleeves. "And when you rend your clothing, you end up wearing a sweater vest. Don't end up wearing a sweater vest..." You get the idea.

Or if that didn't win the sympathy (for the devil) vote, I'd strike fear in the hearts of the electorate with the Allstate model. Fade in: A city hall somewhere in Obama's America. Gay people are getting married, commandments are being removed, and teenagers are gaining access to contraception. You drive by the scene so enraged at the freedoms on display that you slam your Hummer into a church causing the steeple to tumble through the roof and into your lap. The "Mayhem Man" asks: "Will your moderate candidate be able to stop this? Santorum can. Switch to Santorum and protect yourself against moderates and Obama."

But our Ricky prefers the one-on-one approach, and is known to shake hands in the following fashion: One man then one woman, one man then... And he likes to kiss babies, especially if they're still in the womb. (He's a tummy man.) He likes to go from small town to small town, much like a dangerously-run carnival, selling the snake oil to the desperate. (And the sweater vests to the fashion-challenged.)

And now that he has 150 new friends to do his bidding (or is that the other way round), he may be able to shrug off the joint scourge of Newt Gingrich and the false idol Rick, Gov. Perry. Because together they are quite the threat to Santo's base: Perry hates the gays and Newt is pro-pro-pro marriage. He's just not so sure about that one-man to one-woman ratio.

The "mass" has spoken. The "high" road is paved. (And if the evangelicals are hot for the Catholic dude, you know they must REALLY want someone to take out the other two guys--Huntsman and Romney--both conspicuously Mormon.)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

And Now It All Goes South

Fresh off a win in the New Hampshire Primary--and after becoming the first non-incumbent Republican to ever win Iowa and New Hampshire--Mitt Romney takes his callous caravan (and his rivals) to the Palmetto State, South Carolina, with Florida coming ten days after.

Mitt aggravated a lot of people with his "I like being able to fire people" bit which, if he'd put it as "If you get bad service from a corporation, you should be free to shop around for a better one", might have been a plus for him and saved him a ration of sh-t on the eve of the contest. As it has been said, and I entirely agree, the problem wasn't as much what he said, but that it played right into an established profile: Rich, heartless, and only out for himself. To my mind he said something far worse in his victory speech last night. He accused President Obama of practicing a type of class war of "envy".

Whether you fall in line with Occupy Wall Street or not, you know full well that Americans aren't envious of the top 1%, we just want them to pay their fair share, stop getting bailed out while earning huge bonuses, and to quit screwing the rest of us with under-regulated and unfair business practices. Envy, Mr. Romney? Really? How dare you. (He just said "rhetoric of envy" again on Morning Joe!)

Ron Paul came in second and is taking his "fight for liberty" to the birthplace of session. I'm not sure how he'll play there, and if he continues to intend to skip Florida on January 31st, he'd better grab some delegates in SC.

Jon Huntsman came in third, and I was pulling for the guy to crack 20%--he came in at 17%. I don't think he'll turn many southern heads, but I like his chances in Florida if he makes it that far.

So who will rise in the Old South? Santorum and Gingrich certainly go in with the advantage to pick up any of Romney's renderings, and Rick Perry could come in as high as third. He's working the state pretty hard, and has a head start on the other candidates as far as personal appearances is concerned. He has that I'd-like-to-drink-a-beer-with-you quality that helped W rise to the top of the field in 2000. But I won't get into the weeds of the cautionary tale regarding another Texas governor.

My prediction for SC:  1. Romney, 2. Gingrich (unless the electorate discover that his $ comes from the Las Vegas casino guy, which I hope they do because he's a Scott Walker-type union buster), 3. a tie between Santorum and Perry
My prediction for FL:  1. Romney, 2. a tie between Paul and Huntsman, 4. a tie between Santorum and Gingrich

Then there's Michigan and Arizona. I think it's a shame that we start out with so many currently red states. Skews the process, but I'm not sure what if anything can be done about that. I wonder what it might look like to have a "general election-style" campaigning season with all the caucuses and primaries coming on the same day, or same week. Then again, I'd love it if we could rid ourselves of the Electoral College, too. And have an NCAA football playoff system, and...too bad we already had X-mas.

As it stands now, and with the exception of the Granite State, we let the Midwest and South pick our nominees, and the Texas School Board select our kids' curriculum. Are we sure the North won?

Monday, January 9, 2012

20 Questions I'd Ask the Debaters

1. Which would be easier to sell to the wealthy: Paying more in taxes or re-instating the draft?

2. What do "social conservatives" conserve? Love, individual liberty, free pursuits of happiness?

3. What "entitlement" have you benefitted from that you would be willing to cut for others?

4. What issues should never be put to a vote of the people on a ballot?

5. How is collective bargaining different from congressional caucusing?

6. What has the Tea Party gotten wrong and how would you correct it?

7. Where would your administration spend and cut research dollars?

8. When should religion not be involved with government?

9. What's the worst thing a Republican has ever done and the best thing a Democrat has ever done?

10. Why shouldn't dishonest bankers, lenders, and stockbrokers go to jail?

11. Should we spend more on prisons or schools?

12. How will we know if you're taking on corporations and lobbyists?

13. How would you use the bully pulpit to advance the cause of wellness?

14. If corporations believe in the free market and democracy, why are they afraid to let their employees vote on whether on not to unionize?

15. If you could add three Amendments to the US Constitution what would they be?

16. When is it okay for humans to interfere with the "natural order"?

17. How much privatizing and deregulation does it take to turn a nation into a corporation?

18. When is it okay to censor legal materials?

19. If all Americans should be treated equally under the law, why can't the government guarantee them fair pay, decent health care, and a good education?

20. If you had to pick a Democrat as your VP running mate, who would you pick and why?

State of the States

Seen on a sign in a New Hampshire cafe's window: "NO POLITICIANS; NO EXCEPTIONS". When asked for comment, a lady said: "We're not Iowa. We don't need them in our face; we can make up our own mind." OUCH

And coming from a Newt-friendly SuperPAC's commercial: Mitt Romney is a "predatory capitalist". REALLY

Let's stay on that second quote for a bit. Why are Newt and the Republicans trying to be, well, chameleons? Some in the GOP field have tried to seem anti-war while others struggled to be compassionate on immigration. Now they are against capitalism? As the prophet John Cleese said: "You're not fooling anyone, you know."

Mike Murphy had the correct take on this tactic, now airing in S.C., when he said that "predatory capitalist" line wouldn't work there. He's right; it won't. I haven't lived in Iowa nor New Hampshire so I have to take the lady's word about them both. But I was born and raised in the Palmetto State and believe me, it is not a place for "populist ravings". Most folks there prefer "the establishment candidate" as Joe Scarborough put it. That's why they're so good at picking winners. And while it is true that there is certainly one of everything everywhere, as a group, you won't find "populists" congregating anywhere from the Upstate to the Low Country. Again we consult the prophet Cleese: "The Judean People's Front? That's him, over there."

I wish our Republican friends would answer one question: What exactly is conservative about wanting to get rid of something, be it a government agency, a Constitutional right, or an industry? When this whole movement began in earnest, "conservative" meant not blowing all the dough. Now they want it to mean killing that with which we do not agree, and there's no "conserving" in that.

Maybe we should start a new movement: The Pres, or neo-Pres if that has a better ring to it. We would be the "preservationists" attempting to intelligently pare down excess while also asking some to contribute more. We would "preserve" what matters to the most of us albeit in, perhaps, a new form. But then again, we'd be called the "preservatives" and everyone knows that preservatives are bad for you.

Speaking of food, I wonder what they serve in that New Hampshire cafe? You think they have "Womensa" rooms and "Mensa" rooms in the back? No doubt their bar, if they have one, is very high. I am sure of one thing though, they serve no humble pie!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Phineas and Ferb go GOP

You know how I love to cast these characters in the GOP field, so here's another take, this time from cartoon-land!

PHINEAS: Romney--He's the guy with the massive plan, the lead character. Never mind the pointed head.
FERB: Huntsman--He has an accent and quietly does a lot of work.
DR. DOOFENSMIRCH: Paul--He's got them crazy notions about taking over--I mean giving over--the whole world!
PERRY THE PLATYPUS: Perry--Come on, it's his name. Plus he isn't very tall and may be a secret spy...for something, maybe?!
BUFORD (THE BULLY): Gingrich--He's mean, nasty, and the biggest bully in the running.
CANDACE: Santorum--He's always telling on everyone and thinking he knows what's right. (But I'll bet he doesn't want to date Jeremy!) "Mom, Romney and Huntsman are making a title sequence..."

Santorum and the Slim Slice

I went to a "natural dentist" once who told me that for $100,000 he could make my mouth perfect. I left with it agape, of course.

I once went to a chiropractor who felt that four visits a week should properly sort out my low back. At a $30 per pop co-pay, that's $480 a month, just for chiropractic.

These are but two examples of how we all see just what's in front of us. We write/say/feel what we know. We think everyone should appreciate our little slice of the world or at least understand our love of it. I engage in this activity whenever I talk to you about Air Traffic Controllers and the role of public unions.

And Rick Santorum did it in this morning's debate with David Gregory on NBC/MSNBC. Santorum sees god in everything, is bound by his religion. His views and vision are expressed through the lens of his supposed morality. Yet when he is asked by Mr. Gregory why we cannot, as a nation, put up with a nuclear Iran as we have a nuclear Soviet Union and now a nuclear North Korea, Santorum answered, "Because they are a theocracy." His concern is that "radical Islamists" find the promise of the afterlife to be better than earth-bound life so they cannot be trusted not to wish to unload their nuclear payload on the rest of us. No deterrent. He said we should be trying to move more governments toward a secular society.

Just not ours. We have the bomb and god knows the majority of our religious folks don't think their promised afterlife will be any better than a good day in Scranton. And that whole capital punishment thing sure did make our crime and incarceration rates plummet.

But that's okay. You cannot blame Mr. Santorum for not understanding the things that lie outside his slim slice of the world--only for choosing not to entertain the ideas in the slices of the rest of us.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Rock Stars of New Hampshire

I cannot say that I was in need of a bucket of rocks tonight to hurl at the TV as I watched the ABC/Yahoo Republican Debate, that would have been overkill...and expensive.

Overkill like Rick Santorum scolding Mitt Romney for using the term "middle class". Or like Jon Huntsman coming up with a new name for Wall Street and other wealthy interests (i.e. corporations) which have robbed us blind forever in this country, the "creative class". Perhaps even Rick Perry's assertion of a "war on religion" in this country which is under-covered by the media.

(Perhaps Mr. Perry failed to notice that he uttered those words from the stage of a Catholic Benedictine College as he was running for the job of being President of the United States. Certainly this escaped the notice of famed Constitutionalist Ron Paul.)

And expensive like so many of the candidates pushing for "Right to Work" status for our states. If you haven't lived in a RTW state you wouldn't understand, but basically this is the practice of taking all the (few) rights of the workers away so that the companies might "prosper". And you wonder why all our major professional athletes are in unions? We hear that Boeing is told it shouldn't open up shop in South Carolina because it is a right to work state but hear nothing when they want to (and do) close operations in "fair-pay" states unless we happen to tune ourselves in to non-corporate media outlets.

In a nutshell folks, the game is rigged. The OWS movement has tapped into this and after a Wall Street bailout, corporate tax loopholes, and lobbying going mad, they should. The only way to begin to make headway against so many of our challenges at present is to get the SuperPacs and other forms of "big money" out of our politics. Then we need to make corporations responsible. We are always told that it is our fault as the (dare I say it) "middle class" whenever our country is in a recession because we ask for too much: pension percentages, a raise once every few years, a decent benefits package. Yet we continue to be the ones bailing everyone else out. If you want to have one class "war" on the other, simply continue to tell us that we don't want those poor, downtrodden "job creators" to bear the brunt of equality in the tax code, we want to expand the tax base so that all of that half of us who are in or near poverty can "pay their fair share". Give it a rest.

President Obama has done some pretty great things this past week; he's flexed his muscle so to speak. He made a whopping four recess appointments (just look at the number made by previous administrations if you want a good laugh, or cry) but to important positions: Richard Cordray at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, plus three appointments to the Labor Relations Board, he has vowed to trim the military's budget, and he has taken steps to make it harder for I.C.E. to separate families of those seeking green cards. One could argue that he is only doing these things to win re-election, but I would ask you to consider one thing with that dose of skepticism: Just imagine what he could accomplish for our nation in a second term with no election to reign him into a political jail. Then consider what any of the Republican candidates would do in his stead.

President Obama is making overtures, putting a down payment on our trust in him. I intend to help him earn the dividends of his investment.

Besides, I don't want to have to buy four years' worth of rocks and a bucket.

Monday, January 2, 2012

SURVIVOR: IOWATU--Tribal Caucus Talent Competition

(Dateline: Java Joe's, Isle of Des Moines, Iowatu)

If it's Caucus Eve, it's the return of "Morning Joe" to Java Joe's on the Isle of Des Moines. And though time and taste did not allow MSNBC to show it, here is your insiders' look at the final challenge before we kick someone off this island, the Candidates' Concertina, the Runners' Rhapsody, the Viers' Vocals: the big pre-caucus SING-OFF!!

In taped footage we see Mr. and Mrs. Romney making some bizarre hand gesture, as if they are in mid-wave toward the crowd. But no, it's not that...it's the CHICKEN DANCE:
"I don't wanna be a loser, not so sure I'll come in first, so I'll stake my claim," Mitt intones.

And when one Rick admits to calling on the lord to help out another Rick during a recent debate debacle, the pitied one, Mr. Perry, reminds the other that though they both hate the gays and in school want to pray:
"Don't pray for me, Rick Santina!"

Next to take the stage, and in high island style go for the classic Buffett reference, Mr. Paul croons:
"I blew out the flip-floppers, but stepped on a hot topic, showed my fangs tried to hang onto third."

And though it often seems she's more the old woman who lived in the shoe, Mrs. Bachmann turned on her "Iron Lady" persona:
"I'm Margaret Thatcher, corn caucus crasher, watching polls slide by."

Next up was Mr. Gingrich who made sure to cry and pout as he complained with these strains:
"Swiftboated on the TV today, watchin' my surge roll away, sittin' out in old I-O-Way, wastin' time."

But the crowd was waiting for the man of the hour, and he did not disappoint. Google master, Mr. Santorum, laid out the velvet pipes taking a page (and a lot of tea) from Bachmann's Man-turner Over-ride:
"I am by far the best man, I am your sweater vest man, I'm a conservative, on this I will not give, I am your man-hating man!"

Now, natives of Iowatu, their fates lie in your hands. You must decide who will live on to sing in another state and who should be kicked off the GOP side of "the isle".

Come on, caucusers: Who's Got Talent??

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Shite I've Been Thinking

Come along and sing this song and join the F-A-M-I-L-Y,
M-I-T  T-R-O  M and N-E-Y...

There's something good in NEARLY everyone.

Is it IRONY when Cee Lo Green catches crap for re-IMAGINING the lyrics for "Imagine"?

The GREEK GODS yougart is the absolute best thing in all the world, it just is!

I hate BUICK because there's some subliminal message that tells all old people they must possess one, and their Xmas envy commercials are "Land of the Unwanted Toys" depressing.

The nation of Samoa changed itself right across the International Dateline, skipping last Friday altogether. What will be the fallout from this Samoan Skipday? Will this coming February 29th even things out there? Is this what the Mayans warned us about?

Why am I the same age as Gene Chizik and Sean Hannity? More importantly, why does this bother me so?

Matt K. Lewis offered up the notion that the Broncos might make the Super Bowl this season. But as Shannon Sharpe observed (and he ought to know), the Denver Donkeys will no doubt blow it in their first post-season contest. Thanks anyway, Raiders. But what Mr. Lewis, my Twitter pal, fails to understand is that this theory of his would upset the whole applecart here in Coloradoland. Lookit, John Elway had to struggle through years of hardship before sliding that first oversized ring onto his finger, if Tebow does it first time outta the box, well, then it's worse than Samoan Skipday, it's Tebow Skipcareer. Not to go all Garrison Keillor on your arses, but it just can't be that easy. Where's the pain? Where's the monumental Sisyphus cautionary tale? Sorry but the price just isn't right. We'd rather lose.

And finally, is the problem a government that is too big or simply a large and unwieldy population? Think of it this way: What if the federal government was, say, the Wal-Mart. You walk in and there are no greeters--I'm okay with that part. Then you mill around the aisles unassisted, which is fine in most cases. But there are no "price-checking stations", no cashiers, and no predictable and informative queues in which to make your purchases. You're on your own. You must use your imagination--unless you're Cee Lo Green, of course. Now IMAGINE the parking lot... I'd rather not. There are a buttload of us and like all cattle we need corralling. Back in the federalist days when there were three people in this nation of ours and they all knew each other, they could do without taking direction. Now it's a matter of public safety. We need our lines, paths, and plans just as much as we need our teachers, air traffic controllers, and paramedics. We are numerous, we are boisterous, and somehow we manage to do some pretty amazing things even with a "system of government". Government isn't "too big" though often it is too wealthy, old, and white. Government can be too reactive rather than proactive, but that's no reason to chuck the whole thing. (I'm looking at you, Ron Paul.) In the likely words of Patrick Henry, "Give me Rollbacks and Express Lanes or give me certain death!"

Back to the Clubhouse, Mitty!