Saturday, September 29, 2012

25 for Week Five

     Happy Odd Week, again. Here are your 25 winning picks, grandiose prognostications, hopes and prayers. May the best teams--which means the teams I've selected--WIN!

     *Baylor @ WEST VIRGINIA
     *Indiana @ NORTHWESTERN
     *Arkansas @ TEXAS A&M
     *Penn State @ ILLINOIS
     *MISSOURI @ University of Central Florida
     *MINNESOTA @ Iowa
     *North Carolina State @ MIAMI
     *Duke @ WAKE FOREST
     *Colorado State @ AFA
     *Marshall @ PURDUE
     *Tennessee @ GEORGIA (GA has the greater shot at distraction with SC next, but I quibble)
     *OHIO STATE @ Michigan State (and OSt has NEB next, but I'm betting on them)
     *CLEMSON @ Boston College
     *LOUISIANA TECH @ Virginia (LaTech will win until they lose, hopefully not this week)
     *ARIZONA STATE @ California (pains me, but I fear it's true)
     *FLORIDA STATE @ South Florida
     *BOISE STATE @ New Mexico
     *UCLA @ Colorado (do I REALLY need to explain??)
     *University of Texas-El Paso @ EAST CAROLINA (tough choice)
     *Texas @ OKLAHOMA STATE (hi, Sonneyjo! While neither team has had a real challenge yet, in this match-up I'll go with the powers of distraction: Texas has WVU next, OkSt has a bye, which is to say they play poor, wretched Kansas.)
     *Wisconsin @ NEBRASKA
     *Ole Miss @ ALABAMA (I give up, no one can beat the red tide)
     *OREGON STATE @ Arizona
     *SAN DIEGO STATE @ Fresno State (I think they'll do it, Tony!)
     *OREGON @ Washington State

     Place your verbal bets, but keep your money at home. I read stats and signs, I don't actually divine this stuff. Watch the games for me, I have a deal today which will take me away from the TV until evening. Curses, drats, and phooey!
   

Thursday, September 27, 2012

BEST SONGS OF MY LIFE: The Chorus

     Picking a list of the Top 100 Songs of recent time, we're talking more Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons than Vivaldi's Four Seasons, is problematic for anyone. Some of us are a note or two beyond fan, more denizens really, and we "musical" folk tend to take these things seriously. So when the braintrust at the Consequence of Sound came out with just such a list last week (you can see it here: http://3dotmag.com/consequence-of-sound-unveils-its-100-greatest-songs-ever/ ), I immediately began picking it apart for its flaws. (If you choose to view the list you'll note the note at the end from the 3dotmag person saying, see, this why these things usually go over better organized into categories...which they do in the mag. I did it below, but only out of orneriness.)
     Music is personal, and in crafting such a list the CoS folks run a risk similar to kicking someone's dog or calling their kid ugly: They invite criticism, hatred, even action. But being a pacifist, and not learning from their traipse into the danger zone (hi, Kenny), I've decided to put together my own list. And as I don't take direction well, mine is not a straight-forward list of 100 songs: I offer you a categorized list of a certain number of songs which I haven't even bothered to tabulate. Take it or leave it--it's my story and I'm sticking to it. (...though as soon as this is posted, I'll think of something I'll wish I'd added.)

WHAT THE HELL? HOW DID YOU LEAVE THESE ARTISTS OUT?
* The Kinks--let's go with "Lola"
* Van Morrison--I'm good with either "Brown-eyed Girl" or "Into the Mystic"
* The Doors--let's go with EVERYTHING
* Dire Straits--I favor "Sultans of Swing" but refuse to live without "So Far Away"
* Red Hot Chili Peppers--I'm going with "Under the Bridge"
* Journey--makes me cry: "Lights"
* Arlo Guthrie--I sing it in the grocery store and I don't care who hears me (besides, I sing it really f-ing well): "City of New Orleans"
* Stone Temple Pilots--one of my anthems: "Interstate Love Song"
* Queen--how do you leave out Queen? For the children: "We Are The Champions"
* Jimmy Buffett--for the husband: "Come Monday"
* The Pretenders--gotta have "Middle of the Road"
* Kiss--you can't leave out Kiss and I choose the very un-Kiss "Beth"
* Blue Oyster Cult--SHAME! More Cowbell! My picks: "Don't Fear the Reaper" and "I'm Burnin' for You"
* Janis Joplin--my god, how do you not include the woman? Obviously, "Me and Bobby McGee"
* two words: BOB MARLEY--pick your fave, it'll be worthy
* Green Day--I'll make it easy and go with "Warning"
* a crime for no: Grateful Dead
* and for no: Phish
* how easy to add: Elton John
* and: Billy Joel

RIGHT ACT, WRONG SONG (check the link, you may agree):
* The Who--"My Generation" and "Baba O'Riley" are perfectly nice songs, but "See Me, Feel Me" is stronger than than any gospel song in any church hymnal!
* Jimi Hendrix--Now, see here: thou shalt not mention JH withoutst thou dost include "Hey, Joe" because there has never been, will never be a better walking base line. PERIOD! You can have sex with the thing, for heaven's sake. And you may get pregnant.
* The Beatles--my turn at blasphemy here, I DON'T LIKE THE BEATLES. There, I've said it. But if I HAD to include them (and yes, I think you should), I'd have gone with "In My Life"
*Otis Redding--also makes me cry, "(Sittin' on the) Dock of The Bay", but "Try a Little Tenderness" doesn't do it for me.
*Bob Dylan--no, no! Here's another you pick, it'll be okay. (I do a nice impression of Willie Nelson doing "Lay, Lady Lay" if you're interested...)
* Stevie Wonder--oh lord, "Superstitious"? You gotta go with "Higher Ground" (wah-wah-umha-wah-wah)
* Prince--he'll change his name to Symbol or The Artist again if you can't come up with better!
* Michael Jackson (rest him)--"Man in the Mirror"? Really? "Billie-freaking-Jean"? The poor man deserves better.
* John Coltrane--I'm sure that "A Love Supreme Part One: Acknowledgment" is lovely, but just listen to "After the Rain" one time and tell me if you'll ever get it out of your heart.
* The Ramones--how in this world do you ignore "I Wanna Be Sedated"? You don't!
* The Smiths--and "   "    "   "   "  "   "   "   "   "    "    "How Soon Is Now"? No way, man!
* Portishead--"Roads" is an important song, but can't we have "Sour Times", too? Those of us who fondly remember "The Wild, Wild West" can really get off on that one.

     That's enough for now; you wouldn't believe how long it's taking to put this post together. (Imagine if I'd done it well.) I'll give you such nuggets as these in the follow-up post which we'll call "The Refrain":

     #Songs To Seize To#
     #Speeding Ticket Songs#
     #Songs I Wanna Sing With My Tyla#
     #Songs I Believe Have the Power To Kill Me#
     #Songs To Test Speakers To#
     #Songs From Perfect Albums#
   



Monday, September 17, 2012

Sucky McSuckerson

     I was gonna write about how I did better in Week Three with a 27-9 record. I was gonna say that hey, beats the heck out of my lousy Week One showing AND I've learned to NEVER change a prediction mid-sentence. (I bow to the Lesson of Louisiana Tech.)
   
But as I'm all giddily totaling up my Ws and Ls, I realize that I didn't make 35 predictions last weekend, I made 36. How exactly can I go about spinning a yarn in which some phoenix rises from the ashes of failure only to emerge with a piece of toilet paper stuck in her beak? (I'm having flashbacks of Sissy Spacek in "Carrie": All smiles and foolish adoration. Oh, and the killin' and whatnot.)
   
 Pride certainly does cometh, and probably before the following were invented: spellchecker, time to read through once more for errors, concentration in middle age, etc. But I have no excuses now because we have a pill or potion for nearly everything. I should really check into...wait, what was I saying?
   
But you know our human error can still best the electronic brains from time to time; once my spellchecker insisted on continuing to change the word "parents" to "paranoia" even after I told it to stop. So obviously that proves...oh nevermind!
   
 Some Week Three Fun Facts:
     *I was right about Utah possibly upsetting BYU, I just didn't pick 'em--but OH am I glad I stayed up for the ending, ending, ending of that game!
     *I'll NEVER pick against my beloved Stanford again
     *I TOLD you CU is worse than awful
     *Jeff Tedford/Ted Jefford is really pissing me off, which is saying a lot as I was IN THE STANDS at Memorial Stadium in Berkeley when he FORGOT how to manage a clock and THREW AWAY the number one ranking! (grudge much, susy?)
     *PIGS and MIDSHIPMEN: I will not be pulling for you guys again. You burn me like a hot sauce enema yet I still keep coming back for more. No honey, he won't be calling you and Arkansas and Navy will not win for you. Face it boys: I'm done with the lot of you until, well, until pigs float, or sail maybe. So Suey Me!
   
The one and only thing I got right in all of this was to skip a week. Imagine how many fewer mistakes I'd make if I skipped TWO weeks?! (You'll have to because I cannot help myself.) So no even weeks, just odds. I like the odds of odds. And I speak the language, fluently.
   

Friday, September 14, 2012

BLOGNOSTICATION: WEEK THREE

     So let's give this another try, shall we? I'm picking 35 this week and hoping to go better than 50-50...you do the math. I skipped a lot of my perennial faves because the games are lopsided; you'll not see all the Top 25 in the list for the same reason.
     Here are the games I think might actually be games, many of which may prove to be an embarrassment for me again. (That's okay, I'm not proud.)

*WASHINGTON STATE beats The University of Nevada-Las Vegas
*Wake Forest falls to FLORIDA STATE
*California dies a slow and painful death at OHIO STATE
*VIRGINIA TECH bests Pittsburgh
*TCU defeats Kansas, but only by one wart on a Horned Frog: 2nd toughest pick of the day
*Western Michigan falls to MINNESOTA
*Arkansas State comes out all happy only to fall prey to NEBRASKA
*Eastern Michigan tries, and fails, to make it a game with PURDUE
*CONNECTICUT defeats Maryland, I reckon
*Furman falls to CLEMSON and boy, do I hope I'm wrong
*Alabama is stunned by a fast and furious ARKANSAS, in my world, anyway
*North Carolina comes up short against LOUISVILLE
*Virginia fails to stop GEORGIA TECH
*Boston College loses a high-scoring affair to NORTHWESTERN
*NAVY whups up on the sanctioned Panthers of Penn State
*Northern Iowa puts on a great show but IOWA has the final possession
*TEXAS A&M stomps on Southern Methodist University
*EAST CAROLINA defeats Southern Mississippi, but only by one Pirate's whisker; THIS was the toughest prediction for me
*Miami (Ohio) fails, perhaps valiantly, at BOISE STATE
*Florida International University is pummeled by UCF
*FLORIDA takes the high ground in the "Rocky Top" of Tennessee, and if you hate the color orange, please look elsewhere for your football entertainments
*Southern Alabama should lose to NC STATE
*ARIZONA STATE will, in all likelihood, beat Mizzou...I think
*I had picked Rice to lose to LOUISIANA TECH, but I am going to make an UNPRECEDENTED CHANGE and go with RICE over Louisiana Tech...we'll see
*Bowling Green will stumble, stumble, roll, roll over at TOLEDO
*Mississippi State will divide, but not conquer, the other men of TROY
*Sam Houston State has a great shot at losing to BAYLOR, though they did just defeat Incarnate Word, and I think we all know how difficult that can be
*USC, I'm very sorry to say, will probably beat my beloved The Cardinal of Stanford
*Notre Dame should lose to MICHIGAN STATE...and I should already be famous
*Colorado State will fall mightily to SAN JOSE STATE
*Utah State stands nearly every chance to lose to WISCONSIN, but upsets do occur
*Colorado (where the deer, but not the Buffaloes, roam) will be massacred by FRESNO STATE, maybe twice
*New Mexico State will bow out gracefully at UTEP...and UTEP needs the win!
*TEXAS will defeat Ole Miss...and lots of beer will be consumed by all sides
*BYU may very well defeat the Utah Utes, but I smell another possible upset brewing here...though not the beer because, well, you know
*Houston (sans Sam) will be bum steered by the wiley Bruins of UCLA

     ...or that's how I envision it anyway. Enjoy the games this weekend. I hope your home team wins; we ALL know mine won't. "Home, home on the range..."


Record Fail

     Well, there's no two ways about it: I stunk it up. I sat down and crapped out 45 guesses, wrapped 'em up in newspaper that had once held dead fish, left that on the computer to boil into Funk Stew, then had to move away...because of the smell and the shame.
     Thank goodness the Nicholls State -v- Oregon State game was postponed, and Montee Ball didn't hold my misspelling of his first name against me, otherwise who knows; I might actually have lost more than I got right. I went 26 and 18 for the scratchy, awful, broken record.
     You can understand why I missed a week, why I should only shoot for the Odd Weeks with my Oddly Awful Beginning. But the truth is I was busy making money for my favorite local charity: We feed struggling folks' pets so they can keep them home and out of the shelters. I definitely scored much better in Week Two.
     But I did correctly pick Ohio's triumph over a decimated Penn State, and William and Mary nearly beat Maryland. I'll try to keep the small comforts in mind as I contemplate the complete failure of two of my favorite four teams: California and Colorado. What can I say? Cal did manage to win over Utah State last week, but things aren't looking good for Ted Jefford (yes, I know, but it's how I choose to mock the man). As for the Buffies of Boulder, well let's just leave it at, "Hey, at least we're not Savannah State. Yet." As for coaches, our dear football friends to the North have not seen fit to hire a real one since they drummed the unusually gorgeous Gary Barnett out of the Flatirons. I warned EVERYONE about Boise Dan, but no one would listen. Now we have Embree, a nice enough fella and a Homer, but it's clear to me he's not up to the challenge.
     I want a former NFL guy who's been off the field just long enough to be cheap enough for the Regents to go for. I want a guy who can take an undisciplined group and work them into success. I want a serious dude with a smirk and an attitude. In two words, I want Jon Gruden. And if I can't have him, I'll go for June Jones, though I doubt he'd come up here and leave Down There. But football coaches are like Presidents: You have to give them four years before you can make a change. The White House in Washington D.C. is in fine shape with its occupant, the sidelines in Boulder need for that first term to just go swooshing by like a mad bison. I actually tossed the following idea to hubby: How's about we just have the team run around the field at the beginning of each half and let Ralphie graze for the rest of the game. The outcome couldn't be any worse!
     But let's end on a happy note: I'm proud of the Ducks, The Cardinal, and the Bruins. I just wish Rick Neuheisel had started the right players...he might still have his dream job. And I hope that Savannah State gets a week off from being the whipping boy of CFB because that's gotta hurt. Almost as much as me not knowing whether or not the Buffs could beat them. Suit up, Ralphie!
   

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Every Four Years in a Place Called America

     I've stood before Mr. Lincoln in his granite chair several times, I've strode the flanks of Monticello, spreading out like loving arms to the Shenandoah Valley below. I've Looked into the never-ending torch that recalls President Kennedy, I've sat on the hillside lawn at Mount Vernon and watched the Potomac slowly pass by.
     Because my parents were fans of history, and of their country, I've been to many more Presidential boyhood homes than I've missed and seen every state in the Union except a handful. Because a grandfather I never met went to every stump speech he could find in the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s, I've become a political wonk.
     I watched this week's DNC as I have every National Convention that has occurred in my lifetime, and every State of the Union speech, every Inaugural, and a ton of important floor votes, pointing out my heroes over the years: Barbara Jordan, Hubert Humphrey, Pat Moynihan, Tip O'Neill, Paul Simon, Sam Ervin, Jerry Brown, Dennis Kucinich, and Bernie Sanders to name a very few. And there are this week's heroes: Bill Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, and of course, President Barack Obama, but again, just to name a few.
     If after watching the 2012 version of politic's olympics you cannot tell which party is wearing the white hats, then I'm afraid you're not only misinformed, you are unteachable. If, after watching, you cannot discern the difference between the message of the RNC and the DNC, then I fear you may have lost your internal discerner-thingy. And if you can come away from what we just witnessed in Charlotte and not feel that 1970s pride in the red-white-and blue that I grew up under, then we don't just have a difference of opinion, we have a difference in DNA.
     I have no problem with honest disagreements in policy, I just haven't seen any lately; I have all the problems in the world with not telling the truth to the American people. But the thing that bothers me most, that I just will never fathom, is how anyone could choose to be a member of a party that does not taut the glorious strength of the American worker, the promise of our SHARED future, and the sacrifice of our courageous troops. Not to be too critical, but I just didn't see any soul in what happened in Tampa.
     You see to me, politics is personal. I have my favorite causes and my beloved people; I collect the memories of those great faces the way some kids collect baseball cards. I may be willing to use the bathroom in my house with the door open--you moms understand--but I will not watch a political convention in a crowd. I'd love to be a delegate sometime--I've never been to a convention of higher stature than that of my home county--but some things are between me and them. Some things are just too important to be "fun".
     When I had my conversations with Mr. Lincoln, they were just between us two. When I walked Statuary Hall, I walked with the presidents alone. Never mind the Rotunda was filled with tourists, when I stood there looking up, I was in the Capitol Building alone. I was alone with my country and all that it means to me.
     But that is where the aloneness stops. For when I get out to live my part of the body politic, when I go out to carry my piece of the American Dream, I walk in the steps of all who have trod this land, all who do, and all who ever will. I am on the Trail of Tears, I am on the Oregon Trail, I am on Route 66.
     I'm glad that our President talked tonight about citizenship, for that is what being an  American boils down to; we are one people, united together by a way of life, and by a way of viewing ourselves in the world. Just as Barack Obama wants to rebuild our economy from the middle out, I want to remind those among us who might have been talked into forgetting it that we used to sing "Look for the union label" together, we used to pray for a new President at his inaugural together, we used to ask every single person who could do so to vote together. We knew the value of citizenship and didn't look for a scapegoat group to blame for our problems. We were bigger "back then".
     As President Kennedy often said, "Let me say this about that": Vote for whomever you honestly think would be best for our nation--but vote, cheer for whomever you trust with your dreams--but cheer, and help whomever around you needs it--but help. We are not separated by invisible lines of entitlement, we make our own destinies in this life. There are not winners and losers, there are those who can help and those who need help and those roles can be reversed overnight. And now with the rhetoric (including from me) about to heat up in these final 60 days of the 2012 election cycle, let us try never to forget that at the end of the day, the road, and at land's end of our nation, we are an us. We are THE US.
     USA, USA, USA! Let the games begin...
   

Saturday, September 1, 2012

BLOGNOSTICATION: WEEK ONE

     Holy Moley, it's time for BLOGNOSTICATION 2012-13! And while Week One is the classic roll 'em up and smoke 'em weekend in the greatest tradition on Earth--known as College Football--we may run into a few close calls, bad calls, and of course the dreaded no calls.
     Previously, on your TV program, both Vanderbilt and Washington State fell prey (only in part, you know) to the no call nemesis, and both lost, valiantly. Vandy looked good doing it, and the Cougars, well Mikey Leach, let's just say you've got some work to do up there in Pullman.

Here are the WEEK ONE picks, with your winners--Susy's Bruisers--in all CAPITALS as the football gods intended. (I've added a few categories just for fun, just to have everything out of order, AND just to contradict myself. AKA hedging one's bets.)

--disclaimer: some of the ATs are actually neutral locations, another WEEK ONE tradition--

I'M RIGHT, DANG IT

 Notre Dame @ NAVY
 Buffalo @ (6) GEORGIA
 Marshall @ (11) WEST VIRGINIA
 Miami of (Lyin' Ryan) Ohio @ (18) OHIO STATE
 APPALACHIAN STATE @ East Carolina
 Northwestern @ SYRACUSE
 Western Michigan @ ILLINOIS
 Elon @ NORTH CAROLINA
 Idaho State @ AIR FORCE ACADEMY (the hometown fellas!)
 Nevada @ CALIFORNIA (go, you hairy old Bears!)
 Nicholls State @ OREGON STATE
 Northern Iowa @ (12) WISCONSIN (say it thrice--Monte Ball--it's an imperative: oh, and he's cleared to play and doing well after an attack last month ended with a concussion)
 Bowling Green @ (23) FLORIDA (actually thought of picking Letterman's alma mater<--THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR DOING THIS BEFORE DAWN! Letterman, of course, went to Ball State. As for Bowling Green, I give you Orel Hershiser. Take him, please)
 TULSA @ Iowa State
 MIAMI @ Boston College
 IOWA @ Northern Illinois
 Eastern Kentucky @ PURDUE
 Colorado State @ COLORADO (oh Buffies, have a year--PLEASE)
 Murray State @ FLORIDA STATE
 Youngstown State @ PITT
 North Texas @ (3) LSU
 Jacksonville State @  (10) ARKANSAS
 Clemson (14) @ AUBURN
 Savannah State @ (19) OKLAHOMA STATE (hey, Sonneyjo!)
 Chattanooga @ SOUTH FLORIDA
 Southeast Louisiana @ MIZZOU
 Central Arkansas @ OLE MISS
 South Dakota State @ KANSAS
 Northwestern State @ TEXAS TECH
 Mizzou State @ (22) KANSAS STATE
 Hawai'i @ (1) USC (really wish I had the macadamias to go with the Rainbow Warriors)
 OKLAHOMA (4) @ University of Texas-El Paso
 Arkansas State @ (5) OREGON (go, you fancy, wet Duckies!)
 TOLEDO @ Arizona
...and on Sunday:
 Kentucky @ (25) LOUISVILLE
 SMU @ Baylor

I'M PROBABLY WRONG

 Troy @ UAB
 OHIO @ Penn State
 MICHIGAN (8) @ (2) Alabama (this one's for Emily--our local OBAMA field organizer)
 RICHMOND @ Virginia--this one get's its own paragraph.
     Poor Spiders, they get no respect from ESPN. You know how you can click on the icon for each school listed in the match-ups and get info on the team, often with some featured video? Each school has a page with a background in the requisite team colors. Not Richmond. Richmond gets squat. Squat with a tiny notice in a tinier font that tells you there are "no articles" for this school. Yikes. I've heard of the arachnophobia, but this is hatin' on the eight-leggers. Then again, a letter makes a big difference: Richmond is in the CAA and Virginia in the arguably venerable ACC; ESPN reporter Michele Steele looks nothing like ex-RNC head Michael Steele. He does have pretty eyes and great skin, though. If only I could turn that bald head to the light. Ah well. What were we talking about?
...and there's a Monday game in this category:
 GEORGIA TECH @ (16) Virginia Tech

I'M BATCRAP CRAZY WRONG

(or: Here's where I go out on a limb--think the other Michele with one "l" here. You know, the one with two "N"s as in Bachmann, for example.)
 WILLIAM & MARY @ Maryland (I should've gone to school in Williamsburg...)
 SOUTHERN MISS @ (17) Nebraska (good riddance, Red)
 WYOMING @ (15) Texas (same goes for you, Burnt)
 SAN DIEGO STATE @ Washington (as always, for dear Tony)

     So there you have it, my Pigskin Pretties: 45 games for your dining and dancing pleasure.  I calls 'em as I sees 'em and I tries to sees 'em all. Sorry if your favorite match-up isn't on my list but hey, you gotta draw the line somewhere. _________________________________________________________________
(See what I did there...)
     Enjoy the games and have a great LABOR DAY weekend, then come back once all these games are played to see how I did. HUZZAH, FOOTBALL! LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!