Record Fail

     Well, there's no two ways about it: I stunk it up. I sat down and crapped out 45 guesses, wrapped 'em up in newspaper that had once held dead fish, left that on the computer to boil into Funk Stew, then had to move away...because of the smell and the shame.
     Thank goodness the Nicholls State -v- Oregon State game was postponed, and Montee Ball didn't hold my misspelling of his first name against me, otherwise who knows; I might actually have lost more than I got right. I went 26 and 18 for the scratchy, awful, broken record.
     You can understand why I missed a week, why I should only shoot for the Odd Weeks with my Oddly Awful Beginning. But the truth is I was busy making money for my favorite local charity: We feed struggling folks' pets so they can keep them home and out of the shelters. I definitely scored much better in Week Two.
     But I did correctly pick Ohio's triumph over a decimated Penn State, and William and Mary nearly beat Maryland. I'll try to keep the small comforts in mind as I contemplate the complete failure of two of my favorite four teams: California and Colorado. What can I say? Cal did manage to win over Utah State last week, but things aren't looking good for Ted Jefford (yes, I know, but it's how I choose to mock the man). As for the Buffies of Boulder, well let's just leave it at, "Hey, at least we're not Savannah State. Yet." As for coaches, our dear football friends to the North have not seen fit to hire a real one since they drummed the unusually gorgeous Gary Barnett out of the Flatirons. I warned EVERYONE about Boise Dan, but no one would listen. Now we have Embree, a nice enough fella and a Homer, but it's clear to me he's not up to the challenge.
     I want a former NFL guy who's been off the field just long enough to be cheap enough for the Regents to go for. I want a guy who can take an undisciplined group and work them into success. I want a serious dude with a smirk and an attitude. In two words, I want Jon Gruden. And if I can't have him, I'll go for June Jones, though I doubt he'd come up here and leave Down There. But football coaches are like Presidents: You have to give them four years before you can make a change. The White House in Washington D.C. is in fine shape with its occupant, the sidelines in Boulder need for that first term to just go swooshing by like a mad bison. I actually tossed the following idea to hubby: How's about we just have the team run around the field at the beginning of each half and let Ralphie graze for the rest of the game. The outcome couldn't be any worse!
     But let's end on a happy note: I'm proud of the Ducks, The Cardinal, and the Bruins. I just wish Rick Neuheisel had started the right players...he might still have his dream job. And I hope that Savannah State gets a week off from being the whipping boy of CFB because that's gotta hurt. Almost as much as me not knowing whether or not the Buffs could beat them. Suit up, Ralphie!