Oh Newton, you figgy, figgy little man. Mitty Romney's staff have finally awakened and decided to do a little research. And my, oh my, you didn't care for that one bit. You got angry and petulant, which for you, on a smart day, means you keep your trap closed. Mitt put you in his quiet room all right! (But more on last night's debate in a post to come.)
And I've done a little research of my own. For example, let's examine this favorite word in your lexicon: GRANDIOSE. When I utilize my online Dictionary Application, I find that much is said about the difference in connotation and meaning between the words "grandiose" and "grand". They are not interchangeable. For while we know that the adjective "grand" refers to something resplendent and wondrous, "grandiose" takes that meaning one twisted step further. The author (not listed by name) who commented on this delicious definitions debate, put it thusly: "...while to be grand is one thing, to be grandiose is quite another. Something grandiose is pretentiously grand; grand with a self-satisfied smirk."1
If you then scroll down and consider the insight of Wikipedia, you find the following short dissertation: "Grandiosity is chiefly associated with narcissistic personality disorder, but also commonly features in manic or hypomanic episodes of bipolar disorder. It also refers to a sense of uniqueness, the belief that few others have anything in common with oneself and that one can only be understood by a few or very special people."2 Or, in the words of the prophet, Charlie Sheen, "I'm a rock star from Mars."
In a recent speech, and perhaps channelling Sir Issac, Newton related his "grandiose" concept of establishing a permanent colony on the Moon. In the span of a mere five sentences, Newt used the word "grandiose" six times. 3 Here again we consult our online Dictionary: moon (intransitive verb) -- "to behave in a listless or aimless manner" or "to act in a dreamily infatuated manner". For Moon (transitive verb) -- "to expose one's buttocks to (someone) in order to insult or amuse them" is given. 4
Putting aside the fact that the 1967 Outer Space Treaty, which has been signed and ratified by at least 100 countries on the six major continents and signed but not yet ratified by another 26, disallows any nation's claim on the Moon as its own, let's follow the progression of this fanciful and yes, grandiose notion. Bishop John Williams is thought to be the first to advance the idea of a colony on the Moon, and of course man first began exploring the Moon with the Soviet Moon shot of 1959. Today, our Asian "rivals" -- China, India, and Japan -- are eyeing the 2022-2030 time frame for a Moon installation, but do not plan to make such an outpost permanent. Think International Space Station-styled ventures. 5
But Newton not only seems to ignore the treaty's imperatives, he goes on to say that if we get roughly 13,000 people to inhabit this colony, it can then apply for statehood. (At this point in my studies, I thought I'd better look to the stars to inform me on the conditions of the man's Earth landing.)
I give you the Degrees of Separation (from reality) of one Newton Leroy Gingrich, born on June 17, 1943, a birthday he shares with Barry Manilow. Mr. Manilow proudly boasts that he, "writes the songs that make the whole world sing." He has also told us that he's "Ready to Take a Chance Again," "Looks Like We Made It", "It's a Miracle", "I'm Your Man," "Could It Be Magic," "We Still Have Time," and, in his weaker (hypomanic, perhaps) moments, "Tryin' To Get The Feeling Again," "This One's For You," and "Where Do I Go From Here". 6 Continuing on the Canciones Campaign, we find that the number one song at the moment of both men's birth was Benny Goodman's "Taking a Chance on Love". The song "Blue Moon", which has been recorded by many artists, was only listed as being recorded by one band of note in the year 1943, "Charlie and His Orchestra" also known as "Templin Band" and "Bruno and his Swinging Tigers" and also known as a Nazi-sponsored German propaganda swing band which is of course apropos of NOTHING, but a good piece trivia nonetheless. 7
But let's turn to the world of scientific publications, "Sky and Telescope" magazine, to be exact. In that same Newton-struck summer, the magazine ran in its trivia feature, "Star Quiz", a question asking readers what you call the second full moon in the same month. The answer given was "a blue moon". First referenced in a 1528 pre-Shakespearean poem, the term has meant different things at different moments in history. 8 The 1937 "Maine Farmers' Almanac", to which "Sky and Telescope" referred, holds that when a season has four full moons rather than three, the third is a "blue moon". "Sky and Telescope" ran another mention of the term in a 1946 issue, and was picked up by Deborah Byrd for her 1970s radio program, "Star Date". Before the 1943 mention, the phrase "blue moon" was not commonly known. 9
Great, so what does all this tell us about Newton? Well, according to "Sky and Telescope" rules -- where a "blue moon" can occur in any month but a truncated February -- the next "blue moon" will occur in August of 2012. For the next "blue moon" according to "Maine Farmers' Almanac" rules -- in which a "blue moon" can occur only one month before a solstice or equinox, in other words only in February, May, August, and November -- you have to wait a year, until August of 2013. Ironically, there was no blue moon at all in 1943. 10
Will this impact the 2012 election, or Newton? No one knows. What we do know from the elephant's mouth himself, is that Newton doesn't want to see us become "timid" or rely on "50-year-old technology". (Thus we have great breakthroughs like Viagra: The little blue moon pill.) If elected, will he push for his lunar boondoggle and go all "Newtony on the Pouty" on us, or will the entire grandiose notion crater him?
Let's give another political lady the opportunity to jump in on this one. In her nationally syndicated "My Day" column from June 17, 1943 -- that auspicious day -- Eleanor Roosevelt admonished us to "put on your rubbers and eat your supper,"11 which sounds like apt enough advice for Newton to me.
1, 4 Apple's online dictionary app
3 Newt Gingrich interview
2, 5, 7 Wikipedia
6 Barry Manilow songlists
8, 9, 10 "Sky and Telescope" website
11 Compiled by George Washington University
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