Things We Would Not Eat, On-A-Stick

Oh, Iowa State Fair: Let us pay homage to your culinary bravery today with a list of things we would not choose to consume if they were offered to us on a stick. (The short people are helping me with this one.)

1. Fish stick on a stick--too complicated
2. Shrimp on a stick--(though it would give you the toothpick for cleaning up after)
3. Green salad on a stick--unless it was fried into a ball and dipped in salad dressing
4. Fried liver on a stick--or not on a stick, or anywhere
5. Stuffing on a stick--though pulling the stick out of the turkey would be amusing
6. Soft pretzels on a stick--would look like a scepter (and I just discovered the soft pretzel's calorie count!)
7. Pie on a stick--really, you can picture this, right? (No, then think balancing dishes on a stick.)
8. Watermelon on a stick--it would have to be a broom stick and then you'd get stuck sweeping later
9. Corn-on-the-cobb on a stick--see number 1
10. Slushie on a stick--if you didn't drown, you'd attract a lot of bees (also coffee, or soda, or tea on a stick)

There is one more matter we should attend to, as we left a man behind in the late day shadows of an Iowa sunset. No, not a consumer of the Fried-Butter-On-A-Stick, though no doubt we'll have lost a few of those before long, but the quieter of the "Minnesota Twins", Tim Pawlenty--or "T-Paw" as his campaign tried to call him.

I didn't think third place was that bad for him, I actually think you could look at the results this way: Bachmann and Paul tied for first (by a mere difference of 152 votes), and T-Paw came in second. I mean, Santorum is thrilled with fourth place and Young Tim is a goner. Probably the money. Or maybe two Minnesotans in one race was just too much for the electorate to handle.

We'll miss you Pawlenty...until you turn up on someone's ticket as the VP candidate. Come on, he's the John Edwards of the Republican Party, except without the whole extra family bit, and he's bound to be asked.

So goodbye Tim, goodbye sticks, goodbye giant cow made of butter--
We'll miss your smile, your might, your choking cholesterol.
And while we search for our choice again--
We'll have to make do with "I Can't Believe It's Not Tim".