Imbued with newfound strength, or pharmacologically erased pain, I managed to brave the driving snow, 32 degree temperature, and 90% humidity with my band of good eggs, handing out kitty and doggie sustenance to our clients. I managed for the first two hours that is; the gang took pity on me and gave me the last hour off. After a meal of the only warm food in the house--popcorn--I sent husband to the healthy store for ear candles. (My room smells somewhere between burning tires and rotting flesh, but my neck-ears-throat feel better. The nose is still cursing me.)
As sick as I was last night--fever, chills, aches from hell, despondency--I would never have thought a day like today possible. Even the cloud over my mood seemed to lift. Either I crossed a threshold with the illness or the dopamine-enhancing opioids dragged me across the rubicon (in a good way) and into some redeeming light of a new month.
But, as the name of that month implies, it's only a May-be, a step but not yet a path. I've negotiated the on-ramp but my immediate course is anything but charted. I must not raise expectations but be ready for slowing traffic or merging obstacles at any milepost.
For now, I'll be "happy" with traveling quietly on cruise control, all the while hoping that May-be, just May-be objects in my rearview are larger than they seem.
But, as the name of that month implies, it's only a May-be, a step but not yet a path. I've negotiated the on-ramp but my immediate course is anything but charted. I must not raise expectations but be ready for slowing traffic or merging obstacles at any milepost.
For now, I'll be "happy" with traveling quietly on cruise control, all the while hoping that May-be, just May-be objects in my rearview are larger than they seem.
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