My Academy Awards Speech

So just in case this is the last of the last, the end of the end times, (and I hope my friends in the other hemisphere will keep us posted on this) I want to give my Academy Award speech.
As anyone of any fiber and fortitude knows, the Best Original Screenplay Award is the only thing worth winning, that is unless you are the author of a work that you yourself go on to adapt, in which case the adaptation award is acceptable.

(Wild cheering/applause from audience. Inaudible screams from those watching at home.)
     "I would like to thank the Academy, and everyone who worked with me to make this moment possible. Most of all I would like to thank all those heartless bullies who tortured me in grade school because after all, without your influence, none of this would ever have been possible. And I want to say to all the writers out there who labor on in anonymity--keep believing in yourself and your talent. An artist's work, when rewarded, takes years to discover. It's your job to make the art, to step out on all that you know to be true about yourself. I've thought about this moment for decades. I've been out there looking in, and if it can come true for me--and you must believe what a long shot that was--then you have nothing to fear. Don't stop, don't think you cannot do it. You're doing it already. If what I'm saying is making you laugh or cry or lose your breath, it's not because I'm saying anything spectacular, it's because you know. This award may go home to live with me, but when I look at it, I will know that you are on your way, that soon I will know you just as you know me right now. Congratulations to not forgetting the dream of who we want to be."

Self-important: yes. Sappy: absolutely. But if any of us ever get the chance to have such an audience, let's not forget what it was like for us to be in that audience. Am I gonna win this award? Most probably not. But I know that letting some kid out there somewhere know that he or she is not alone in what they feel, in what weird-ass thing they do with words, or paint, or anything else--if I can ever do that with something I've birthed and shared with you all, then I will already have "won" what I came here to do.

I'll see you all tomorrow...right?