My New BFF is a "Bad Boy"!

Clues:
*Will not give his full name
*Doesn't warn me before he pops over
*Never takes me out in public
*Keeps really weird hours

I know what you're thinking...he's married. Nope, I think he has lots of dates every night, perhaps even a few with you. His name is N. Somnia, and we've been near constant companions all this past week. It's not that I call him to come over--or that I do not have better things to do (like sleep)--he just shows up and expects me to entertain him. I have tried several times to break it off, but he just won't listen to reason.

I have no idea where or why I met up with him and even less of an idea of why he stays or how to get rid of him. Somehow I'm leaving the food out for him and he keeps turning up for another all-night feast. (More like I'm leaving the porchlight on and he flits around it with me until sun-up!)

The good thing about hanging out late with the wrong kind of guy is that you get to see and hear interesting things you might not otherwise have been privy to: Free Speech TV documentaries, kids and dogs snoring, the machinations of your own brain. The bad thing is that your new routine seems to give you license to excuse yourself from the normal world of: clocks, good nutrition, and any and all expectations. You put on his leather jacket and sit in front of the TV with Doritos or popcorn; you hop on his motorcycle and go to the wilds of your memory and imagination. You keep this up--seemingly without a choice--all the while knowing that he's bound to leave you, or get you arrested. Either way, at the end of the relationship you're in for a hard fall.

For now, he's woven his spell around me as tightly as a cocoon I cannot escape. I am the caterpillar who thinks this is all there is forever. I don't dare aspire to fly to freedom with Monarch colors, but at this point, I'd settle for the sweet chrysalis of sleep.