Our favorite beleaguered pizza man, Herman Cain, said the most amazing thing: "I've never acted inappropriately with anyone." Man, can I get me some of that?
Can you imagine yourself NEVER being inappropriate, never committing a social faux pas, never saying the wrong thing to anyone else? It's a fairy land that I just don't believe has a population.
Perhaps Mr. Cain isn't impulsive, because I find that many of my questionable public events seem to come out of clear air: Who said that? I said that? Aloud? Oh. Maybe Mr. Cain thinks every time before he speaks...okay, that one's a no go. Hellloooo, China!
You don't think he's actually so full of himself that he finds it impossible to conceive of his having made a mistake? Think George Bush when asked in that Kerry debate if he ever did anything wrong. Yeah, that's what we need: A President who thinks he's always right, no matter what. That's always gotten terrific results, hasn't it?
So if we are to believe Mr. Cain's statement that means he's never made an off-color joke (I didn't mean that in the racial sense), never uttered a salacious expletive (fuck, no!), and never given an opinion that hurt another's feelings (like you even know what I'm talking about).
See, I don't think it's possible. We are HUMAN. He is HERMAN. Any questions?
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