Sir Reince Conan Priebus has graced us with another installment of his "Sherlock Cain Holmes Mystery Series", and here at the "Cockeyed Cockney Strand Magazine" we have just received the synopsis. So let us rejoin our Irregulars at 221B...make that 999 GOP Street.
Having defeated his arch-nemesis, Professor Perry Moriarity at the Rankingsdown Falls, Sherlock Cain Holmes, after spending weeks in obscurity, rises again to the top of his game as he delves into the case of "The Hound Of the Restaurant Association". Herein, Mr. Holmes is confronted by not one but two (possibly three) Women in Green, though in how much green Mr. Holmes is loathe to say. As he struggles to grasp a clue and as he attempts to illuminate the ever-shifting facts of the case, Prof. Moriarity resurfaces. Sherlock is sure that Moriarity is dead set on ruining his good name. The sleuth notes that the professor even stoops to taking on the false identity of a drug-addled roustabout while he plots his insidious moves.
Holmes takes this information to Inspector Mark Block LeStrade of Scotland Yard who counsels the detective to don his deerstalker cowboy hat and feign amnesia. Meanwhile the inspector attempts to blow smoke rings around Moriarity's claims.
Sensing that this tactic has failed, Sherlock goes to the Diogenes Club, located on Wall Street, to confer with his smarter brother, Mitt Mycroft Holmes, who is presently engaged in a war of words with none other than Prime Minister B. O. himself. Mycroft is too busy to assist his brother and warns Sherlock to forget about any time for future ticket-sharing.
Dejected, our hero wanders the dark streets of Washington and New York, yelling at reporters. He tries in vain to turn back the clock...to 1964 to be exact, but no one's buying it. Alone with his violin, Holmes sings gospel songs about bangers-and-mash and pizza.
Later Dr. Ron Paul Watson discovers Holmes in this sorry state and demands that his old friend get hold of himself: "Remember your Constitution, man!" Then the good doctor calls for Mrs. Michele Hudson to bring up a plate of Iowa State Fair Fried Butter which she always keeps in the larder because between her 27 children and the renters, her boarding house is overflowing.
Mrs. Hudson leaves the tray by the door, shouting to Mr. Holmes that it will be his last straw (poll) unless he cleans up his messes.
It certainly sounds as if Sir Priebus has a wiley stemwinder coming for us soon. Whenever all the edits and revisions have been completed, we'll be sure to print the real story for you here!
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