Here's a recap of just a few of the many things that pissed us off this past week:
Debtors Can't Be Choosers
Okay, so the District Dunces have tossed off their pointy hats and have arrived at a debt measure on which both Houses and Parties can agree. Or so they say. The details are slim to none, but it sounds like we're in for austerity--about the worst policy in a struggling economy. But try to talk sense to the senseless and you'll find yourself red, white, and blue in the face. They've also seen fit to install a "Super Committee" to decide the particulars of cutting and capping...because they all work so damned well together, right?????
But let's look on the bright side; at least we can make out a grocery list for the next couple of months.
Musical Notes
Really, Facebook? You're really censoring Nirvana's cover of "Nevermind" because of the naked baby in the pool? Come on! We were working in a record store in the bible belt when that album was released and do not recall anyone ever having to haul out the smelling salts for the old ladies. Censorship in general sucks, but this is just ludicrous.
If you happened to hear John McCain (R-AZ) go off on the progressives and the tea party on the Senate floor last week--to the point of invoking a "Lord of the Rings" analogy--you were no doubt surprised, amused, and encouraged. But then the Senator decided to change his tune, or as we've dubbed it, sang out "McCain's Refrain". Seems his emotion-filled litany did not pass the muster at Fox Nuze or else McCain would not have walked his comments as far back as his dream border fence is long.
History Flashback
As a native of the state, we have earned the right to criticize, so here goes. Evidently mistaking the Great Recession for the Great Secession, the entire 5-person Republican contingent from the Palmetto State voted a rousing "no" on everything debt-related this past week. They got so upset and confused that they had to run out and attend church in the midst of their "deliberating". But we doubt they sought any higher counsel than that of Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC) who will rain the fire of primary challenges over their heads if they dare to vote in any way other than that of his choosing.
Did They Really Say That?
In an attempt to be "fair and ballassed" in our choice of news biases, we found ourselves watching the "Huckabee" show on the Fox Nudes a few days ago. The conversation turned to the website "Gawker", and the right Reverend had the following words effortlessly fall from his lips: "A gawker is someone who peeks in your window when you're getting undressed, looking for a crack". Now we know and you know that the man was attempting to refer to the space in between the blinds where one might choose to insert a camera lens, but he certainly could have been a tad more elegant with his phrasing. Ah well, it's hard enough to watch a show with a live audience and we cannot imagine actually being there.
Is it Too Much to Ask?
Herman Cain has won or finished well in several recent straw polls. Herman Cain, really? You've all read some of this guy's statements we trust. Granted, the man can sing, but he's got some scary ingredients on his personal pie. Perhaps an insight into why he calls his business "Godfather's Pizza"? Aren't there lots of pleasant Italian-inspired monikers available: "Al Fresco's", "Grand Canal Pies", "Pizza Forum", "When in Rome", "Three Slices and a Fountain (drink)". But we guess he was going for the spooky. And didn't those places used to have a black hearse in the parking lot plastered with advertising?? We seem to recall that they did. You don't suppose there's any chance at all that in those straw polls they actually polled straws do you? Oh, we certainly hope so.
Christmas (and any other Nov-Dec holiday of your choosing) in July
Here at the C.G. we'd like to offer the following advice for our readers' consideration, with an eye toward the month of November when our Super-duper Commody will tell us where we're gonna make trillions in cuts:
*buy cheap meat and freeze it
*make your own breads, chips, and jams
*hit the thrift stores for back-to-school needs
*encourage your gift-aged children to take up the under-rated sport of Stickball
*recall the joy your Pet Rock gave you in childhood and pass that love on to your brood
*consider a pet turkey, also
*have a yard sale with a lemonade stand, popcorn concession, and outdoor movies (charge accordingly)
*trick-or-treat for at least six hours: we'll print a special candy recipe edition that weekend
*press fall leaves to use as wrapping paper for that one gift you can afford to hand-make
*do NOT discard the pumpkin flesh when carving your jack-o-lantern: that's food, people
*save the postage: send e-cards or smoke signals, depending on your location
*gather up all those broken crayons and melt them down for candles: lower the electric bill while teaching the kids about those "good old days"
*wish for early snowfalls: think free refrigeration and water
Well, it's time for the Complaint Department to shut down, go out into the street, and break its toe kicking the snot out of the curb. So if you're in our neck of the woods, we'll be that oozing goiter you drive past. And if you're not from around here, try to go out and make your own environment better. Pick up the trash (especially recyclable scrap metal) and pull the weeds (insulation). It's a win-win!!
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