It's nearly the most wonderful time of the year...you know, when people dress "gaily" and "merrily" say to thee, "Oh, did you hearrrrrr? Rick Santorum's got to bow out; the time is nearrrrr."
'Cuz why, you ask? Well, the man barely got a word in during the entire two hours. Now granted, the topic was the economy and Ricky just ain't got that much juju unless the topic is bedroom stuff. Boardroom, he just doesn't do.
But when he could be heard intoning from his little hovel of a lectern off to the side of the side of the stage--he was the farthest to the left, ironically--he made three main points.
Point One: You too, Mr. and Mr. (no, that can't be), Mr. and Mrs. 99% can be in that 1%. Really, you can. Trust us Repubs because we understand the monied lot. We can give you a recommendation! I swear that was his intent. Turn that blue collar into blue blood you can, you can!
Point Two: If everyone had just listened to me in the 1990s none of this mess would've happened. He's prescient, you know. He predicted everything and even tried to stop it all, or so Nostradon't-ask-don't-tell-us would have us believe. He and Newt just love them some '90s!
Point Three: All of President Obama's nasty regulations must be repealed! So whenever you make that bank deposit or breathe you some air or drink from a fountain or buy some fresh produce, do what Rick does, put all your trust in the lord that all will be well, so long as you believe. Rick conveniently overlooks the slight fact that de-regulation sorta-kinda got us into this mess in the first place. Damn, I think I just blasphemed!
Oh Ricky you're so blind, you're so blind you blow my mind, hey, Ricky!
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