Here's a recap of just a few of the many things that pissed us off this past week:
Debtors Can't Be Choosers
Okay, so the District Dunces have tossed off their pointy hats and have arrived at a debt measure on which both Houses and Parties can agree. Or so they say. The details are slim to none, but it sounds like we're in for austerity--about the worst policy in a struggling economy. But try to talk sense to the senseless and you'll find yourself red, white, and blue in the face. They've also seen fit to install a "Super Committee" to decide the particulars of cutting and capping...because they all work so damned well together, right?????
But let's look on the bright side; at least we can make out a grocery list for the next couple of months.
Musical Notes
Really, Facebook? You're really censoring Nirvana's cover of "Nevermind" because of the naked baby in the pool? Come on! We were working in a record store in the bible belt when that album was released and do not recall anyone ever having to haul out the smelling salts for the old ladies. Censorship in general sucks, but this is just ludicrous.
If you happened to hear John McCain (R-AZ) go off on the progressives and the tea party on the Senate floor last week--to the point of invoking a "Lord of the Rings" analogy--you were no doubt surprised, amused, and encouraged. But then the Senator decided to change his tune, or as we've dubbed it, sang out "McCain's Refrain". Seems his emotion-filled litany did not pass the muster at Fox Nuze or else McCain would not have walked his comments as far back as his dream border fence is long.
History Flashback
As a native of the state, we have earned the right to criticize, so here goes. Evidently mistaking the Great Recession for the Great Secession, the entire 5-person Republican contingent from the Palmetto State voted a rousing "no" on everything debt-related this past week. They got so upset and confused that they had to run out and attend church in the midst of their "deliberating". But we doubt they sought any higher counsel than that of Senator Jim DeMint (R-SC) who will rain the fire of primary challenges over their heads if they dare to vote in any way other than that of his choosing.
Did They Really Say That?
In an attempt to be "fair and ballassed" in our choice of news biases, we found ourselves watching the "Huckabee" show on the Fox Nudes a few days ago. The conversation turned to the website "Gawker", and the right Reverend had the following words effortlessly fall from his lips: "A gawker is someone who peeks in your window when you're getting undressed, looking for a crack". Now we know and you know that the man was attempting to refer to the space in between the blinds where one might choose to insert a camera lens, but he certainly could have been a tad more elegant with his phrasing. Ah well, it's hard enough to watch a show with a live audience and we cannot imagine actually being there.
Is it Too Much to Ask?
Herman Cain has won or finished well in several recent straw polls. Herman Cain, really? You've all read some of this guy's statements we trust. Granted, the man can sing, but he's got some scary ingredients on his personal pie. Perhaps an insight into why he calls his business "Godfather's Pizza"? Aren't there lots of pleasant Italian-inspired monikers available: "Al Fresco's", "Grand Canal Pies", "Pizza Forum", "When in Rome", "Three Slices and a Fountain (drink)". But we guess he was going for the spooky. And didn't those places used to have a black hearse in the parking lot plastered with advertising?? We seem to recall that they did. You don't suppose there's any chance at all that in those straw polls they actually polled straws do you? Oh, we certainly hope so.
Christmas (and any other Nov-Dec holiday of your choosing) in July
Here at the C.G. we'd like to offer the following advice for our readers' consideration, with an eye toward the month of November when our Super-duper Commody will tell us where we're gonna make trillions in cuts:
*buy cheap meat and freeze it
*make your own breads, chips, and jams
*hit the thrift stores for back-to-school needs
*encourage your gift-aged children to take up the under-rated sport of Stickball
*recall the joy your Pet Rock gave you in childhood and pass that love on to your brood
*consider a pet turkey, also
*have a yard sale with a lemonade stand, popcorn concession, and outdoor movies (charge accordingly)
*trick-or-treat for at least six hours: we'll print a special candy recipe edition that weekend
*press fall leaves to use as wrapping paper for that one gift you can afford to hand-make
*do NOT discard the pumpkin flesh when carving your jack-o-lantern: that's food, people
*save the postage: send e-cards or smoke signals, depending on your location
*gather up all those broken crayons and melt them down for candles: lower the electric bill while teaching the kids about those "good old days"
*wish for early snowfalls: think free refrigeration and water
Well, it's time for the Complaint Department to shut down, go out into the street, and break its toe kicking the snot out of the curb. So if you're in our neck of the woods, we'll be that oozing goiter you drive past. And if you're not from around here, try to go out and make your own environment better. Pick up the trash (especially recyclable scrap metal) and pull the weeds (insulation). It's a win-win!!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Poll-er Express-ion
So just what is that thing I'm allergic to? If you guessed Christmas trees, you are correct! I have this topical sensitivity to pine for some reason, though I've grown up with and continue to live amongst a heckuva lot of them! And every year, while I steady the tree as hubby screws it into the stand, my arm breaks out instantly. It's the Traditional Christmas Flush in our home.
As for the other guesses, sorry, I'm not allergic to penicillin nor Latex Halloween masks. And thank goodness I have no problems with wheat because it's one of the few things I would not want to try to live without. (also: cheese, green tea, and spinach) And I am not allergic to any nuts to include pistachios, but I do find them repulsive. Also on my repulsed by list is candy corn--I'm not allergic to it, but I did go through a couple of decades where I absolutely feared that candy. Yeah, there's a story there, but it's in my subconscious and I am not currently privy to it.
Thanks so much to all of you for playing; hope I can entertain you with this week's offering as well!
As for the other guesses, sorry, I'm not allergic to penicillin nor Latex Halloween masks. And thank goodness I have no problems with wheat because it's one of the few things I would not want to try to live without. (also: cheese, green tea, and spinach) And I am not allergic to any nuts to include pistachios, but I do find them repulsive. Also on my repulsed by list is candy corn--I'm not allergic to it, but I did go through a couple of decades where I absolutely feared that candy. Yeah, there's a story there, but it's in my subconscious and I am not currently privy to it.
Thanks so much to all of you for playing; hope I can entertain you with this week's offering as well!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Housework: or How I learned to stop worrying and love the debt
Everyone enjoys employing the kitchen table analogy to the inner-workings of our national economy, but when it comes to the absurd conversation muddying the D.C. waters right now--a balanced budget amendment--that analogy falls flat on its face.
This isn't the weekly family budget meeting over coffee: "Honey, how much do we need to spend on groceries? What's the co-pay for the kids' dental cleanings? Have you paid the car insurance yet?" No, this is the conversation you have when things are somewhat normal and you have the money to parcel out. Where the country is now is more like this: "Honey, we're flat broke, but the corner of the roof over the kitchen door is sagging and it just started leaking yesterday. If we borrow the money to fix it now, it'll cost about $800. If we wait and keep our budget "balanced", the roof will cave in and we'll have to replace that entire side of the kitchen which will cost more like $8,000. So what do you want to do?"
Balancing the U.S. budget is a fanciful idea that it would've been nice to have courted before we decided to invade and occupy parts of the Middle East and North Africa. Funny we heard nothing about it then. It would've been nice to discover this "dire need" when Bush handed tax refunds hand over fist to everyone whether they needed it or not. No Child Left Behind, the Medicare Prescription Drug Plan, I could go on and on.
Think also of this: When you're on a curvy road it may be prudent to slow down as you approach a twist--consider the situation from all angles--but when you're in that sharpest part of the curve at its mid-point, you have to speed up to keep yourself under control. We're at 9.2% unemployment. If we do not raise the debt ceiling, that number will explode as hundreds of thousands of people will lose their jobs and those people will not be putting money into the pot any longer--they won't stop in your store, visit your gas station, or make appointments at your clinic--and then you will send off your employees to join their ranks, wondering all the while how long it will be before you yourself stop contributing to our economy but rather find yourself asking the government for money: Money we said it didn't have so it therefore it shouldn't spend.
This is not the time to default and it certainly isn't the time to even consider balancing the budget. Yes, we absolutely need to reign in spending and soon, but not this weekend! If you don't think the stimulus helped enough, congratulations, you are correct. And why did it not? Because it wasn't big enough. We have to do more. We must invest not divest. We have to grow the jobs through infrastructure investment--think the WPA, the CCC, and the TVA: We need the jobs and the improvements. We need to find energy solutions if for no other reason (and yes there are many others) than to save ourselves from taking over even more of the Middle East with unfunded wars.
And this is also not the time to keep BS promises: Repubs, tell Grover Norquist sorry, but this is crazy, we need revenue. Dems, tell your constituents, look, we have to reform entitlements, just look at the demographics. I'll even get the ball rolling. I never expected to see the money I paid into Social Security and if that's the price of my contribution to softening the harshness of the debt crisis, then fine. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is my Federally-employed and retired family members losing everything they've spent decades working for (their jobs and pensions) because some ideologues made a damned promise when they were running for office. Take my Social Security money, please don't take my house. Here's the $800, the $8000 will ruin me.
Let's fix the damned kitchen roof now before everything falls to hell. Raise the debt ceiling, don't shut down the government this September, and invest in job growth. Then, once the crises are averted, we can work on the deferred maintenance. Then, we will be in the position to solve the long-term problems.
And maybe as we sift through the piles of bills and stack of money over coffee at our national kitchen table, just maybe we will be able to join Irene Dunn from "I Remember Mama" in saying: "Is good. We don't have to go (back) to the bank."
This isn't the weekly family budget meeting over coffee: "Honey, how much do we need to spend on groceries? What's the co-pay for the kids' dental cleanings? Have you paid the car insurance yet?" No, this is the conversation you have when things are somewhat normal and you have the money to parcel out. Where the country is now is more like this: "Honey, we're flat broke, but the corner of the roof over the kitchen door is sagging and it just started leaking yesterday. If we borrow the money to fix it now, it'll cost about $800. If we wait and keep our budget "balanced", the roof will cave in and we'll have to replace that entire side of the kitchen which will cost more like $8,000. So what do you want to do?"
Balancing the U.S. budget is a fanciful idea that it would've been nice to have courted before we decided to invade and occupy parts of the Middle East and North Africa. Funny we heard nothing about it then. It would've been nice to discover this "dire need" when Bush handed tax refunds hand over fist to everyone whether they needed it or not. No Child Left Behind, the Medicare Prescription Drug Plan, I could go on and on.
Think also of this: When you're on a curvy road it may be prudent to slow down as you approach a twist--consider the situation from all angles--but when you're in that sharpest part of the curve at its mid-point, you have to speed up to keep yourself under control. We're at 9.2% unemployment. If we do not raise the debt ceiling, that number will explode as hundreds of thousands of people will lose their jobs and those people will not be putting money into the pot any longer--they won't stop in your store, visit your gas station, or make appointments at your clinic--and then you will send off your employees to join their ranks, wondering all the while how long it will be before you yourself stop contributing to our economy but rather find yourself asking the government for money: Money we said it didn't have so it therefore it shouldn't spend.
This is not the time to default and it certainly isn't the time to even consider balancing the budget. Yes, we absolutely need to reign in spending and soon, but not this weekend! If you don't think the stimulus helped enough, congratulations, you are correct. And why did it not? Because it wasn't big enough. We have to do more. We must invest not divest. We have to grow the jobs through infrastructure investment--think the WPA, the CCC, and the TVA: We need the jobs and the improvements. We need to find energy solutions if for no other reason (and yes there are many others) than to save ourselves from taking over even more of the Middle East with unfunded wars.
And this is also not the time to keep BS promises: Repubs, tell Grover Norquist sorry, but this is crazy, we need revenue. Dems, tell your constituents, look, we have to reform entitlements, just look at the demographics. I'll even get the ball rolling. I never expected to see the money I paid into Social Security and if that's the price of my contribution to softening the harshness of the debt crisis, then fine. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is my Federally-employed and retired family members losing everything they've spent decades working for (their jobs and pensions) because some ideologues made a damned promise when they were running for office. Take my Social Security money, please don't take my house. Here's the $800, the $8000 will ruin me.
Let's fix the damned kitchen roof now before everything falls to hell. Raise the debt ceiling, don't shut down the government this September, and invest in job growth. Then, once the crises are averted, we can work on the deferred maintenance. Then, we will be in the position to solve the long-term problems.
And maybe as we sift through the piles of bills and stack of money over coffee at our national kitchen table, just maybe we will be able to join Irene Dunn from "I Remember Mama" in saying: "Is good. We don't have to go (back) to the bank."
Thursday, July 28, 2011
"Gotta Beat that Competition!" or How and When to Choose Sides
Or so says the Cyclops in "Oh, Brother Where Art Thou?", but I've never considered myself to be a competitive person. Somehow that word conjures up self-important jocks and unpleaseable parents who attempt to live vicariously through their over-wrought children.
No, I prefer the word "sporting." It's a nicer adjective in my view and one that I would not mind self-applying. I want to win every board game or card game I play. I want to complete all the crossword puzzles I start. I push myself when I exercise. To put it plainly, I do not like to appear weak to others. (This is a childhood-inspired problem with me, but that's another story.)
So what exactly then constitutes a "healthy competition?" Having two coffee shops in a small town from which to choose? Sure. Two teams showcasing their acquired game skills? Absolutely. But two political parties playing fast and loose with the economy because they only recall what it feels like when they win and not when we lose? NEVER!
And that's what they're doing right now. The Reclubfreakons are noshing on pizza in Boehner's office, trying to figure out how to get enough votes from the Tea Party loons to get their bill passed and over to the Senate where it doesn't stand a chance to do anything apart from waste our time. The Dems are doing their share of posturing as well, and the gamesmanship of leading from behind is getting tiring. Can we just go to the damned 14th Amendment already??
Hey, it's going to be a long, stupid weekend here in downtown America, so how's about we do something a little more fun to pass the time. Just a little mental exercise in choosing sides in a more affable manner, lest we forget how it's done.
Would you rather...
Woodward or Bernstein
Pepsi or Coke
Cat or Dog
Ranch or Italian
White or Wheat
Coffee or Tea
Table or Booth
Belt or Suspenders
Carnivore or Herbivore
Phil Collins or Peter Gabriel
Soup or Salad
Boxers or Briefs
Tucked or Untucked (can apply to both shirts and sheets)
Gold or Silver
Aisle or Window
Sweet or Salty
Flour tortilla or Wheat tortilla
Ice cream cone or Ice cream cup
AFC or NFC
American League or National League
Comedy or Drama
Stoneware or China
Manual or Automatic
Zipper or Button-fly
Late word is they are working on a compromise between the Boehner and Reid plans with some sort of trigger mechanism built-in for (presumably) debt ceiling increases. Maybe we'll hear something soon. Until then, can you believe the Repub Congressman from Tealand who wants to introduce a bill to lower the debt ceiling?! Hey mister, could you please return that tax refund we sent you back in the Spring????
In the words of Travis T. Hipp: "Sometimes I wonder, other times I'm sure."
No, I prefer the word "sporting." It's a nicer adjective in my view and one that I would not mind self-applying. I want to win every board game or card game I play. I want to complete all the crossword puzzles I start. I push myself when I exercise. To put it plainly, I do not like to appear weak to others. (This is a childhood-inspired problem with me, but that's another story.)
So what exactly then constitutes a "healthy competition?" Having two coffee shops in a small town from which to choose? Sure. Two teams showcasing their acquired game skills? Absolutely. But two political parties playing fast and loose with the economy because they only recall what it feels like when they win and not when we lose? NEVER!
And that's what they're doing right now. The Reclubfreakons are noshing on pizza in Boehner's office, trying to figure out how to get enough votes from the Tea Party loons to get their bill passed and over to the Senate where it doesn't stand a chance to do anything apart from waste our time. The Dems are doing their share of posturing as well, and the gamesmanship of leading from behind is getting tiring. Can we just go to the damned 14th Amendment already??
Hey, it's going to be a long, stupid weekend here in downtown America, so how's about we do something a little more fun to pass the time. Just a little mental exercise in choosing sides in a more affable manner, lest we forget how it's done.
Would you rather...
Woodward or Bernstein
Pepsi or Coke
Cat or Dog
Ranch or Italian
White or Wheat
Coffee or Tea
Table or Booth
Belt or Suspenders
Carnivore or Herbivore
Phil Collins or Peter Gabriel
Soup or Salad
Boxers or Briefs
Tucked or Untucked (can apply to both shirts and sheets)
Gold or Silver
Aisle or Window
Sweet or Salty
Flour tortilla or Wheat tortilla
Ice cream cone or Ice cream cup
AFC or NFC
American League or National League
Comedy or Drama
Stoneware or China
Manual or Automatic
Zipper or Button-fly
Late word is they are working on a compromise between the Boehner and Reid plans with some sort of trigger mechanism built-in for (presumably) debt ceiling increases. Maybe we'll hear something soon. Until then, can you believe the Repub Congressman from Tealand who wants to introduce a bill to lower the debt ceiling?! Hey mister, could you please return that tax refund we sent you back in the Spring????
In the words of Travis T. Hipp: "Sometimes I wonder, other times I'm sure."
Monday, July 25, 2011
Balls to the Wall (street)
Seriously?
The NFL players and owners can come to some sort of agreement--as yet to be ratified--and the DC bozos cannot? As I just opined on Twitter, sounds like maybe we should switch the two: have a day in the life kind of an experiment. Yeah, the jobs are vastly different, but isn't the ability to compromise through common sense the main ingredient missing in the top of The Hill souffle right now?
I'll continue to hope real damned hard for some breakthrough, and I don't even care at this point if they're putting us all on. I just want them to unveil the eleventh-hour Statue of Liberty quarterback fake, or the fake punt pass play, something.
I guess to keep myself amused until we find out for sure what's going to happen, I can imagine certain Hilltoppers attempting to play on Sundays...and those poor NFL guys having to work a whole Tuesday-Thursday week on Capitol Hill. Ouch...three day workweek. Can you imagine?? Poor dears.
The NFL players and owners can come to some sort of agreement--as yet to be ratified--and the DC bozos cannot? As I just opined on Twitter, sounds like maybe we should switch the two: have a day in the life kind of an experiment. Yeah, the jobs are vastly different, but isn't the ability to compromise through common sense the main ingredient missing in the top of The Hill souffle right now?
I'll continue to hope real damned hard for some breakthrough, and I don't even care at this point if they're putting us all on. I just want them to unveil the eleventh-hour Statue of Liberty quarterback fake, or the fake punt pass play, something.
I guess to keep myself amused until we find out for sure what's going to happen, I can imagine certain Hilltoppers attempting to play on Sundays...and those poor NFL guys having to work a whole Tuesday-Thursday week on Capitol Hill. Ouch...three day workweek. Can you imagine?? Poor dears.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Poll Call
Well no one got the correct answer to last week's poll. Seems the entrants found me far too brash or acerbic to like the Simon and Garfunkel. (Obviously these people know me too well.) You see, there was a period of time during college when I participated in a very cool group--the Presbyterian Student Union--with some lovely, non-judgmental people who were an absolute joy to be around. We took a week-long trip to Myrtle Beach during one school break, and listened almost exclusively to Simon and Garfunkel tapes. Those songs still remind me of those terrific people and that very special time.
I did hang out with James Dickey for a week at his house--I was interviewing him for the college yearbook--so that takes care of the revered author bit. And I'm told that I broke the wine cooler consumption record in August of 1982 at Don's in Five Points--in Columbia, S.C.--which explains why that was the night I met my now husband...that's not a shot dear, just colorful backstory.
So the answer was car battery thievery. I did have my battery stolen twice, but only once on campus. The other time was during the summer and in an entirely different part of the state.
So, thanks so much for voting. Wanna try another??
I did hang out with James Dickey for a week at his house--I was interviewing him for the college yearbook--so that takes care of the revered author bit. And I'm told that I broke the wine cooler consumption record in August of 1982 at Don's in Five Points--in Columbia, S.C.--which explains why that was the night I met my now husband...that's not a shot dear, just colorful backstory.
So the answer was car battery thievery. I did have my battery stolen twice, but only once on campus. The other time was during the summer and in an entirely different part of the state.
So, thanks so much for voting. Wanna try another??
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Ripped by the Headlines
Okay, I'm not perfect. But according to two headlines this week I am, as a tall writer, both cancer-prone and pompous. Seriously, why in the world do I even read these things?
In related news, people with brains are bound to start a conversation at some point. Those with nerve endings are gonna yell one day. And the hideously handsome are huge traffic-stopping risks.
Ugh.
Oh, in the good news, I sorted out that whole turning over/coverage problem with the wearable towel invention: Just add a little velcro tab in the crotch of the half panty, make both pieces fully elasticized, and tah-dah, you can disengage the new tab and roll over with everything in place and with a reasonable amount of coverage. (The crotch flap just needs to be generous enough to stick with you as you flip. Hell, how many times have we all had that thought?!)
In related news, people with brains are bound to start a conversation at some point. Those with nerve endings are gonna yell one day. And the hideously handsome are huge traffic-stopping risks.
Ugh.
Oh, in the good news, I sorted out that whole turning over/coverage problem with the wearable towel invention: Just add a little velcro tab in the crotch of the half panty, make both pieces fully elasticized, and tah-dah, you can disengage the new tab and roll over with everything in place and with a reasonable amount of coverage. (The crotch flap just needs to be generous enough to stick with you as you flip. Hell, how many times have we all had that thought?!)
Ravin' 'Bout "Haven"
Man, I am so thrilled with this season of "Haven"! The writers seem to be at the top of their game, or perhaps are hitting their stride in the development of the characters. Tonight's episode threw in some new backstory and brought into question the motivations of two of the most stable characters. Nice.
Things are heating up visually as well, and the relationships are all taking on new dimensions. Somehow this place just comes out of the screen at you--you feel as if you've been there, are there, can reach out and touch "there". And you just can't help but love the people. Sure, it's a messed up place, but I'd take a vacation there in a minute.
The thing I find most compelling in fiction--be it TV show, movie, book, play, or song--is a sense of place. With this show there is no shortage of attention to that very important detail.
Oh, and Keri figured out what it is that makes the "Duke" character so damned cute and mesmerizing. He looks just like the stock "Prince" animated character from the Disney movies. Those cheekbones, eyes, that hairstyle, the cocky attitude. What else could you ask for in a real life prince?
Things are heating up visually as well, and the relationships are all taking on new dimensions. Somehow this place just comes out of the screen at you--you feel as if you've been there, are there, can reach out and touch "there". And you just can't help but love the people. Sure, it's a messed up place, but I'd take a vacation there in a minute.
The thing I find most compelling in fiction--be it TV show, movie, book, play, or song--is a sense of place. With this show there is no shortage of attention to that very important detail.
Oh, and Keri figured out what it is that makes the "Duke" character so damned cute and mesmerizing. He looks just like the stock "Prince" animated character from the Disney movies. Those cheekbones, eyes, that hairstyle, the cocky attitude. What else could you ask for in a real life prince?
The Best of Inventions
So as I was basking in the sun of the back deck earlier today, I had an idea for those of us who still sunbathe and have a modicum of modesty. It's part towel, part swimsuit.
If you're in a private or clothing-optional environment, you can lay the towel out, then pull up a velcro-ed bikini bottom, flip the velcro on the "waistband" under, and re-velcro it at your sides on the towel. When you flip onto your stomach, the same half a panty would give you a generous thong covering. The bra section would be comprised of two flaps that velcro together in the center of your chest like a front clasp-closure bra. You don't need this part when you flip over, or if you're a dude.
If you're in a public space where you need cover, you would just show up with your towel's clothing parts already engaged, leaving the rest of the towel folded into a handy backpack. Then when you're ready to lie down all you need to do it sit, unfurl your backpacked towel, lie back and stretch it out beneath you. Beats adjusting clothing over and over again. Of course the turning over part still requires some dexterity and slight of hand.
As I was pondering this aspect of the invention, the girl child approaches me with the theory that Arithmetic can be applied to words. If you want to add, she says, you use a pencil and write the word again. To subtract, you use the eraser. To multiply you make copies, and to divide you cut the word in half with scissors. Then comes the genius of her postulation: "Prime Words." Her first prime word was "orange", because in "Word Math" the words that only rhyme with themselves are "prime". Isn't that a cool idea?
Since it seemed that creativity was alive in the air, I approached the boy child who did not disappoint. His invention is a dog bed with an insert of that gel which you find in pain pads and can be made to work with heating and cooling therapy. Difference is, this one would also have a sensor that goes to an outdoor thermometer so that it can regulate the dog's bed temperature in accordance with the current outdoor temperature. That's a bed I think I might sleep on, too. (He also has an amazing idea for a virtual experience via video game that is entirely revolutionary. I told him to draw up some ideas and develop it further as I think that while it uses existing--but not commonly available--technology, it does so in a very unique and ground-breaking way. I hope he sticks with it.)
Now, if I can just figure out how to turn over without disengaging the wearable towel, I'll be ready to sew. Well, that and some sewing lessons ought to do it!
If you're in a private or clothing-optional environment, you can lay the towel out, then pull up a velcro-ed bikini bottom, flip the velcro on the "waistband" under, and re-velcro it at your sides on the towel. When you flip onto your stomach, the same half a panty would give you a generous thong covering. The bra section would be comprised of two flaps that velcro together in the center of your chest like a front clasp-closure bra. You don't need this part when you flip over, or if you're a dude.
If you're in a public space where you need cover, you would just show up with your towel's clothing parts already engaged, leaving the rest of the towel folded into a handy backpack. Then when you're ready to lie down all you need to do it sit, unfurl your backpacked towel, lie back and stretch it out beneath you. Beats adjusting clothing over and over again. Of course the turning over part still requires some dexterity and slight of hand.
As I was pondering this aspect of the invention, the girl child approaches me with the theory that Arithmetic can be applied to words. If you want to add, she says, you use a pencil and write the word again. To subtract, you use the eraser. To multiply you make copies, and to divide you cut the word in half with scissors. Then comes the genius of her postulation: "Prime Words." Her first prime word was "orange", because in "Word Math" the words that only rhyme with themselves are "prime". Isn't that a cool idea?
Since it seemed that creativity was alive in the air, I approached the boy child who did not disappoint. His invention is a dog bed with an insert of that gel which you find in pain pads and can be made to work with heating and cooling therapy. Difference is, this one would also have a sensor that goes to an outdoor thermometer so that it can regulate the dog's bed temperature in accordance with the current outdoor temperature. That's a bed I think I might sleep on, too. (He also has an amazing idea for a virtual experience via video game that is entirely revolutionary. I told him to draw up some ideas and develop it further as I think that while it uses existing--but not commonly available--technology, it does so in a very unique and ground-breaking way. I hope he sticks with it.)
Now, if I can just figure out how to turn over without disengaging the wearable towel, I'll be ready to sew. Well, that and some sewing lessons ought to do it!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Boehner Pills: Stiff Medicine
So, as if the current state of the American economy and the inertia of our political leaders wasn't enough, tonight we were given a new tough pill to swallow. It seems that The Tan Man has decided to let the nut jobs talk him into ruining what's left of our economic future by walking out on President, and the American people, from talks aimed at finding an agreement that would allow us to raise our debt ceiling, something we've been doing forever without much if any flack.
I have to wonder just how heartless these elephants can be; it seems they have no idea, or no care that a drop in our credit rating would completely crash our markets and throw a whole new set of people out of their jobs. Those with jobs would face a LOT higher taxes in the form of interest rates that would soar on all our purchases and loans. Take that to heart if you have one, Grover Norquist!
I don't like that President has offered to give in on some cuts that I know full well will hurt a lot of people who truly need government services, but I understand that given who he's trying to persuade, he feels he has to meet them three-quarters of the way. Why the Repukelicons are unwilling to even go that last one-fourth of the way is beyond me entirely.
Let's set aside the obvious BS that allows the top-earners to pay less in taxes than the rest of us. Let's even set aside the fact that hedge fund managers pay only the 15% capital gains rate on their profits, not an income tax rate, when they were primary in causing the Great Recession in the first freaking place. Rather, let's look at this: Say you want to buy a car or a house. Say you qualify for the loan and the paperwork is close to completion when the creditor comes to you and says, "We'll give you the money, but you need to cut that much out of your budget somewhere else before we can sign off on this." How many of us would have cars and houses then? That's the litmus test Boehner and his crowd need in order to consider a raise in revenue. Absolutely ludicrous.
I know they're going to talk again at the White House tomorrow--President, Boehner, McConnell, Reid and Pelosi--and I hope clearer heads prevail. But I was heartened to see President's anger in his press conference this evening. He's mad and by crap he should be. How would any sane person feel trying to deal with all he has to deal with, knowing all he has to know, and doing all he can (and not all of it with his party's blessing) to appease the unappeasable?
I know there are a lot of hurdles to be jumped through and conditions that must be met before President can pull out the Constitutional card, but I swear if these jackasses push him there I hope he doesn't shy away from using it. Just what the tea party needs, to be cut off at the pass by the Constitution they say they want the country to be governed by. Aren't you all really glad you chose to pick your fight with a Constitutional Law professor?
I've had my say, as George used to tell Grandpa on "The Real McCoys", and though I do not feel cleansed, at least I've done my bit to spread the truth as I see it to be. Ideology is a wonderful thing to share, but it loses it's luster when you begin to force yours onto someone else. And too, it's best to remember that ideologies are not static, not some solid that can never reform itself or better itself when confronted with new information or a new situation. They're meant to be guides, not weapons.
I'll keep everything that's loose and flexible crossed between now and August 2nd, hoping that sense wins the day. But failing that, I'll pin my aspirations onto audacity.
I have to wonder just how heartless these elephants can be; it seems they have no idea, or no care that a drop in our credit rating would completely crash our markets and throw a whole new set of people out of their jobs. Those with jobs would face a LOT higher taxes in the form of interest rates that would soar on all our purchases and loans. Take that to heart if you have one, Grover Norquist!
I don't like that President has offered to give in on some cuts that I know full well will hurt a lot of people who truly need government services, but I understand that given who he's trying to persuade, he feels he has to meet them three-quarters of the way. Why the Repukelicons are unwilling to even go that last one-fourth of the way is beyond me entirely.
Let's set aside the obvious BS that allows the top-earners to pay less in taxes than the rest of us. Let's even set aside the fact that hedge fund managers pay only the 15% capital gains rate on their profits, not an income tax rate, when they were primary in causing the Great Recession in the first freaking place. Rather, let's look at this: Say you want to buy a car or a house. Say you qualify for the loan and the paperwork is close to completion when the creditor comes to you and says, "We'll give you the money, but you need to cut that much out of your budget somewhere else before we can sign off on this." How many of us would have cars and houses then? That's the litmus test Boehner and his crowd need in order to consider a raise in revenue. Absolutely ludicrous.
I know they're going to talk again at the White House tomorrow--President, Boehner, McConnell, Reid and Pelosi--and I hope clearer heads prevail. But I was heartened to see President's anger in his press conference this evening. He's mad and by crap he should be. How would any sane person feel trying to deal with all he has to deal with, knowing all he has to know, and doing all he can (and not all of it with his party's blessing) to appease the unappeasable?
I know there are a lot of hurdles to be jumped through and conditions that must be met before President can pull out the Constitutional card, but I swear if these jackasses push him there I hope he doesn't shy away from using it. Just what the tea party needs, to be cut off at the pass by the Constitution they say they want the country to be governed by. Aren't you all really glad you chose to pick your fight with a Constitutional Law professor?
I've had my say, as George used to tell Grandpa on "The Real McCoys", and though I do not feel cleansed, at least I've done my bit to spread the truth as I see it to be. Ideology is a wonderful thing to share, but it loses it's luster when you begin to force yours onto someone else. And too, it's best to remember that ideologies are not static, not some solid that can never reform itself or better itself when confronted with new information or a new situation. They're meant to be guides, not weapons.
I'll keep everything that's loose and flexible crossed between now and August 2nd, hoping that sense wins the day. But failing that, I'll pin my aspirations onto audacity.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The REVIEWS are in!
Got two really nice reviews on Amazon for DARKER BY DEGREE. Please have a look at them if you're interested. There are free samples of both books, and each is available for download for $2.99.
Here are the directions to the Amazon page, just click on the reviews if you want to read them:
http://amzn.to/n4TXEl
And, as always, thanks!!
Here are the directions to the Amazon page, just click on the reviews if you want to read them:
http://amzn.to/n4TXEl
And, as always, thanks!!
How's that 50s thing coming?
So, to recap, I'm attempting to do one new thing each month as I approach my 50th b'day next March. Here's what I have so far:
*March 2011--Started blogging!
*April 2001--Gave a speech to a large outdoor gathering in my hometown.
*May 2011--Established a mini-tree farm and set up an elaborate drip watering irrigation system in the front and back yards.
*June 2011--Piloted, docked, loaded, unloaded our first boat--a 24-ft. cabin cruiser we call "KON-TIKI".
*July 2011--Published the first two books of my Maddie Pryce mystery series (with my co-author and BFF, Keri)--DARKER BY DEGREE and DIRECTOR'S CUT.
What, oh what will I do for August? Dunno. I still want to do the extreme indoor bungie fun and maybe try laser tag...we'll just have to see.
*March 2011--Started blogging!
*April 2001--Gave a speech to a large outdoor gathering in my hometown.
*May 2011--Established a mini-tree farm and set up an elaborate drip watering irrigation system in the front and back yards.
*June 2011--Piloted, docked, loaded, unloaded our first boat--a 24-ft. cabin cruiser we call "KON-TIKI".
*July 2011--Published the first two books of my Maddie Pryce mystery series (with my co-author and BFF, Keri)--DARKER BY DEGREE and DIRECTOR'S CUT.
What, oh what will I do for August? Dunno. I still want to do the extreme indoor bungie fun and maybe try laser tag...we'll just have to see.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Cockeyed Gazette: The Senior Edition
ALL KIDS ARE SCOTTISH!
We don't know what it is with the young people these days but it has come to our attention that, for some unknown reason, they all seem to end their phrases and sentences with an upward lilt. Why is this happening? We suspect what with the advent of all this electronic messaging, the poor things are no longer being taught about punctuation in school. So now they've resorted to a false, auditory style of ending their thoughts. That, or there's some cult of influence as yet undetected from the Land of the Clans.
OVERHEARD IN THE CAFETERIA
Imagine our shock and astonishment when Old Lady Beatrice was heard to exclaim: "It says it'll shut off automatically when it's done." Now this is not that sort of publication--as no doubt our accidental reader who found us only by searching outlets with the first four letters of our name sadly discovered--but we're pretty sure we know to what she referred. Then again, they don't call us the Little Blue Pill Man's Group for nothing!
OBITUARIES: ON THE ROAD AGAIN
Goodbye to the three friends we saw roadside on our weekly shuffleboard outing in the home's van: deer, skunk, and raccoon. We'll see you all again...soon.
JUKEBOX JOE: SONGS I WOULDN'T MIND DYING TO
These are some real stinkers that, if you find yourself in the throes of death, would actually make the transition much easier:
*The damned "Friends" theme
*"I've Never Been to Me"
*"Goin' Up the Country"
*"State of Shock"
*"The Sweater Song"
CONFUSING COMMERCIAL
We've had a lot of interest, and even more questions, about our friends at Kleenex (Registered Trademark) and their new Cottonelle (Registered Trademark) TV spot. The product is, we think, a wet wipe for ladies. Now in this commercial they encourage the scantily clad women on the screen to "Get Fresh With a Friend" (probably also a Registered Trademark). Troubling, yes, but is that the most confusing element here or is it rather the fact that there's a puppy pictured on the package? We could make a joke here, but that's a different species. Also, see "Overheard".
Well, that wraps it up for this installment of the Cockeyed Gazette. And, in the words of Rupert Murdoch, "We are sorry."
We don't know what it is with the young people these days but it has come to our attention that, for some unknown reason, they all seem to end their phrases and sentences with an upward lilt. Why is this happening? We suspect what with the advent of all this electronic messaging, the poor things are no longer being taught about punctuation in school. So now they've resorted to a false, auditory style of ending their thoughts. That, or there's some cult of influence as yet undetected from the Land of the Clans.
OVERHEARD IN THE CAFETERIA
Imagine our shock and astonishment when Old Lady Beatrice was heard to exclaim: "It says it'll shut off automatically when it's done." Now this is not that sort of publication--as no doubt our accidental reader who found us only by searching outlets with the first four letters of our name sadly discovered--but we're pretty sure we know to what she referred. Then again, they don't call us the Little Blue Pill Man's Group for nothing!
OBITUARIES: ON THE ROAD AGAIN
Goodbye to the three friends we saw roadside on our weekly shuffleboard outing in the home's van: deer, skunk, and raccoon. We'll see you all again...soon.
JUKEBOX JOE: SONGS I WOULDN'T MIND DYING TO
These are some real stinkers that, if you find yourself in the throes of death, would actually make the transition much easier:
*The damned "Friends" theme
*"I've Never Been to Me"
*"Goin' Up the Country"
*"State of Shock"
*"The Sweater Song"
CONFUSING COMMERCIAL
We've had a lot of interest, and even more questions, about our friends at Kleenex (Registered Trademark) and their new Cottonelle (Registered Trademark) TV spot. The product is, we think, a wet wipe for ladies. Now in this commercial they encourage the scantily clad women on the screen to "Get Fresh With a Friend" (probably also a Registered Trademark). Troubling, yes, but is that the most confusing element here or is it rather the fact that there's a puppy pictured on the package? We could make a joke here, but that's a different species. Also, see "Overheard".
Well, that wraps it up for this installment of the Cockeyed Gazette. And, in the words of Rupert Murdoch, "We are sorry."
Saturday, July 16, 2011
NEW POLL TODAY!
Okay, I cannot help myself. Here's a new poll. Am I a glutton for punishment? An exhibitionist? A sad, sad little old woman? I dunno? Prove me right or wrong. Enter the poll. It's the only way I'll ever learn!
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??*****************^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~~{o:][:o}~~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^********************??
Tube Talk
Okay, three of my shows yet again live! This week saw the happy return of Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Haven, all on SYFY Channel.
Eureka started things off with a definite hit, nothing too earth-shattering, but a nice at bat nonetheless.
Warehouse 13 didn't disappoint, and kept the inning alive, by advancing the runners--although "Boy Mika" will not make my All-Star ballot.
Then it was Haven's turn. Grand slam! Wow. Even jaded old me was stunned. I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. What's not to love about blood-spewing lawn sprinklers and frogs raining from the sky?! I had "Magnolia" flashbacks, but enjoyed every pitch. Here again, we had a pinch-runner, but "Audrey, also" was a nice addition. The pitching/writing was absolutely flawless and the hitter/actors connected perfectly. Seriously, this was a wonderful first outing of the new season for the Haveners. Cannot wait to get my Friday night tickets for the rest of this season. Well done!
Now...just a little over two months from now...the return of PSYCH for season six.
Summer eases on by and tube tops are in--TV life is good.
Commercial Break: Does it bother anyone else that the E-Surance girl is also the Fiber supplement girl? I just don't know exactly now I'm supposed to feel about that. All I know is that whenever I get the bill for the insurance, I have to go potty. Guess advertising works.
Eureka started things off with a definite hit, nothing too earth-shattering, but a nice at bat nonetheless.
Warehouse 13 didn't disappoint, and kept the inning alive, by advancing the runners--although "Boy Mika" will not make my All-Star ballot.
Then it was Haven's turn. Grand slam! Wow. Even jaded old me was stunned. I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. What's not to love about blood-spewing lawn sprinklers and frogs raining from the sky?! I had "Magnolia" flashbacks, but enjoyed every pitch. Here again, we had a pinch-runner, but "Audrey, also" was a nice addition. The pitching/writing was absolutely flawless and the hitter/actors connected perfectly. Seriously, this was a wonderful first outing of the new season for the Haveners. Cannot wait to get my Friday night tickets for the rest of this season. Well done!
Now...just a little over two months from now...the return of PSYCH for season six.
Summer eases on by and tube tops are in--TV life is good.
Commercial Break: Does it bother anyone else that the E-Surance girl is also the Fiber supplement girl? I just don't know exactly now I'm supposed to feel about that. All I know is that whenever I get the bill for the insurance, I have to go potty. Guess advertising works.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Hallowed Hallows: 12:01 MDT
See, nights like tonight are why it's great to live in a small town. We just got in from the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Pt. 2 and though I am only a casual fan, the experience was really a hoot.
First you have to get a feel for our quaint little two-screen theater. It's old--not Maddie Pryce's Orpheus old, more like seventies old. There is dark wood panelling, huge chandeliers, closet-sized one-at-a-time bathrooms: in short, it reminds you of the meeting room used by the Rotarians and Kiwanis at the old downtown cafeteria. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Who needs 3-D and surround sound when you have nice, clean ambiance and 150 middle school and high school kids on the edges of their seats?
I cannot recall being that wrapped up in a set of characters, but these poor kids were laughing, crying, cheering, and screaming alternately, as if we were in the audience of an old West olio where we boo the villain and cheer the hero. They were invested.
My own kids were pretty well wrapped up as well, though at their young ages they haven't grown up with the movies as many of those in attendance obviously had. And while I have to admit to my amusement at the goings-on, I was also quite happy for these kids, for the high level at which they allowed themselves to "feel" in public. This was their way of saying goodbye, not just to the story and the characters and the hallowed settings, but also to their own childhoods. That may sound overblown, but you could really feel it in the room.
As a writer, I would've killed more people and not had "both" predictable endings. As a viewer, I might have preferred to come to my own conclusions without the emotional eruptions of the crowd around me. But most importantly, as a mother, I might have been snickering to myself, but down deep I was so happy to see these sweet, vulnerable kids filling up the cool dark night with their muffled sobs and satisfied smiles.
First you have to get a feel for our quaint little two-screen theater. It's old--not Maddie Pryce's Orpheus old, more like seventies old. There is dark wood panelling, huge chandeliers, closet-sized one-at-a-time bathrooms: in short, it reminds you of the meeting room used by the Rotarians and Kiwanis at the old downtown cafeteria. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Who needs 3-D and surround sound when you have nice, clean ambiance and 150 middle school and high school kids on the edges of their seats?
I cannot recall being that wrapped up in a set of characters, but these poor kids were laughing, crying, cheering, and screaming alternately, as if we were in the audience of an old West olio where we boo the villain and cheer the hero. They were invested.
My own kids were pretty well wrapped up as well, though at their young ages they haven't grown up with the movies as many of those in attendance obviously had. And while I have to admit to my amusement at the goings-on, I was also quite happy for these kids, for the high level at which they allowed themselves to "feel" in public. This was their way of saying goodbye, not just to the story and the characters and the hallowed settings, but also to their own childhoods. That may sound overblown, but you could really feel it in the room.
As a writer, I would've killed more people and not had "both" predictable endings. As a viewer, I might have preferred to come to my own conclusions without the emotional eruptions of the crowd around me. But most importantly, as a mother, I might have been snickering to myself, but down deep I was so happy to see these sweet, vulnerable kids filling up the cool dark night with their muffled sobs and satisfied smiles.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Drawing Conclusions
If you believe in coincidence you'll have no problem embracing, even reveling in these observations. However, if you are not a coincidence person then look out--the TV machine is definitely talking to you!
I grew up in the sixties and seventies and fondly recall both the cartoons and the sitcoms of that era. I thought I'd done all the thinking to be done about them and then some. Then it occurred to me that there were some very interesting connections between the two. Here are some examples:
The Jet-fersons--"Meet George Jefferson...Weezie, his wife." And "We're moving on up...to a deluxe apartment in the sky." George/George had a lot in common.
Flintstone & Sons or San-Stone--There's Fred and Barney, and Fred and Grady. Fred F. mines for rocks, Fred S. mines for junk. And Fred S. is a definite dinosaur.
All in the Mystery Van--The Scooby-Doo show had a continuing "character" called Red Herring, and that's just what he was most of the time--a neighborhood bully who was always suspected and nearly always innocent. But there were a few times when indeed he was the culprit. I say Red Herring lives at 704 Houser Street in Queens, New York, and goes by the alias of Archie Bunker. Edith is Velma, Gloria is Daphne, Michael "Meathead" Stivic is Shaggy (of course), and Lionel is the intelligent, good looking guy who holds them all together, Freddie. And what silly, goofy, body too big for his brain character can pull off Scooby-Doo? Stretch Cunningham fits that bill. And as for little Joey being born, welcome Scrappy-Doo!
Mary the Pooh--If WJM reported the news of the Hundred Acre Wood, here's who would be who, who. Of course Mary has to be Pooh--she is kind-hearted and innocent, the babe in the woods. Betty White is Owl, the one who's been around the block and isn't afraid to tell you what she/he thinks. And Rhoda is the Roo to Phyllis' Kanga, always together, always looking out for each other. Ted has to be Tigger; he thinks so much of himself and his talent that he is always tooting his horn. Lou, poor dear, has to put up with them all and this has made him an Eeyore, sulking in his glass office/stick house wondering what is going to go wrong today. And Murray, sweet Murray who is slightly more worldly than Mary and would do anything for her, well, he's Piglet.
Looney Tunes in Cincinnati--Another station, but this time radio: WKRP. Here's a huge cast that only a stable of cartoon characters could tackle. First off, Andy is Bugs Bunny--it's his show, he's the star. Mr. Carlson is Foghorn Leghorn, all talk and bluster, but very little in the way of smarts or accomplishments. (I hesitate to use a bird for Mr. C--we all know what happened with the turkeys!) Jennifer is Daffy Duck, all dressed up and proud of her looks. Bailey is Tweety Bird, small and strong, but not too strong. Herb, mistakenly thinking himself a Don Juan is, of course, Pepe Le Pew. Les, without his walls or any respect at all for his bumbling news reports, is Elmer Fudd. Johnny Fever is a loose cannon, a Yosemite Sam waiting to go off. Venus Flytrap is the suave and cunning Sylvester, always sizing up the situation to his benefit.
The Beverly Hill-Archies--And finally, we go from the cartoon world to comic books. These guys aren't too serious about themselves, love music, and are always learning something new. Jed is Archie--the ringleader and man in charge. Granny is Moose; if you need someone taken care of, she's the gal to do it. Jethro is Jughead--yeah, you saw that one from a mile away, you Double-Naught Spy, you! Ellie Mae is Veronica, the beauty with the lovely hair. Which leaves Mrs. Hathaway to be Betty, the sensible one, and Mr. Drysdale to be Reggie, cause Reggie's just a pain in the butt.
I want to come up with some analogous characters for the Bob Newhart Show and maybe M*A*S*H as well. Perhaps inspiration will strike before lightning does and I'll actually get to post again! (We've had LOTS of storms everyday--FINALLY, YAY--so I'm unplugged for more time than I'm plugged.)
See you in the funny papers!
I grew up in the sixties and seventies and fondly recall both the cartoons and the sitcoms of that era. I thought I'd done all the thinking to be done about them and then some. Then it occurred to me that there were some very interesting connections between the two. Here are some examples:
The Jet-fersons--"Meet George Jefferson...Weezie, his wife." And "We're moving on up...to a deluxe apartment in the sky." George/George had a lot in common.
Flintstone & Sons or San-Stone--There's Fred and Barney, and Fred and Grady. Fred F. mines for rocks, Fred S. mines for junk. And Fred S. is a definite dinosaur.
All in the Mystery Van--The Scooby-Doo show had a continuing "character" called Red Herring, and that's just what he was most of the time--a neighborhood bully who was always suspected and nearly always innocent. But there were a few times when indeed he was the culprit. I say Red Herring lives at 704 Houser Street in Queens, New York, and goes by the alias of Archie Bunker. Edith is Velma, Gloria is Daphne, Michael "Meathead" Stivic is Shaggy (of course), and Lionel is the intelligent, good looking guy who holds them all together, Freddie. And what silly, goofy, body too big for his brain character can pull off Scooby-Doo? Stretch Cunningham fits that bill. And as for little Joey being born, welcome Scrappy-Doo!
Mary the Pooh--If WJM reported the news of the Hundred Acre Wood, here's who would be who, who. Of course Mary has to be Pooh--she is kind-hearted and innocent, the babe in the woods. Betty White is Owl, the one who's been around the block and isn't afraid to tell you what she/he thinks. And Rhoda is the Roo to Phyllis' Kanga, always together, always looking out for each other. Ted has to be Tigger; he thinks so much of himself and his talent that he is always tooting his horn. Lou, poor dear, has to put up with them all and this has made him an Eeyore, sulking in his glass office/stick house wondering what is going to go wrong today. And Murray, sweet Murray who is slightly more worldly than Mary and would do anything for her, well, he's Piglet.
Looney Tunes in Cincinnati--Another station, but this time radio: WKRP. Here's a huge cast that only a stable of cartoon characters could tackle. First off, Andy is Bugs Bunny--it's his show, he's the star. Mr. Carlson is Foghorn Leghorn, all talk and bluster, but very little in the way of smarts or accomplishments. (I hesitate to use a bird for Mr. C--we all know what happened with the turkeys!) Jennifer is Daffy Duck, all dressed up and proud of her looks. Bailey is Tweety Bird, small and strong, but not too strong. Herb, mistakenly thinking himself a Don Juan is, of course, Pepe Le Pew. Les, without his walls or any respect at all for his bumbling news reports, is Elmer Fudd. Johnny Fever is a loose cannon, a Yosemite Sam waiting to go off. Venus Flytrap is the suave and cunning Sylvester, always sizing up the situation to his benefit.
The Beverly Hill-Archies--And finally, we go from the cartoon world to comic books. These guys aren't too serious about themselves, love music, and are always learning something new. Jed is Archie--the ringleader and man in charge. Granny is Moose; if you need someone taken care of, she's the gal to do it. Jethro is Jughead--yeah, you saw that one from a mile away, you Double-Naught Spy, you! Ellie Mae is Veronica, the beauty with the lovely hair. Which leaves Mrs. Hathaway to be Betty, the sensible one, and Mr. Drysdale to be Reggie, cause Reggie's just a pain in the butt.
I want to come up with some analogous characters for the Bob Newhart Show and maybe M*A*S*H as well. Perhaps inspiration will strike before lightning does and I'll actually get to post again! (We've had LOTS of storms everyday--FINALLY, YAY--so I'm unplugged for more time than I'm plugged.)
See you in the funny papers!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Dollars and Change
Well since we're all in this Leaky-Tiki together--some of our countries are in a recession, others are adopting austerity measures, still others are helping prop up those first two groups--I thought I'd throw in my "too, sense" as discussion; even a flawed or deeply skewed one can only be helpful as contribution.
I look at the crisis in the Americas, and on most of the other continents as well, as cyclical change. Think climate: period of relative sameness, then warming period, then ice age. For many of us, the last century began still enjoying the boon of an Industrial Revolution which propelled most of our economies forward for decades to come. We learned new skills and we created new machines to do new jobs to create new products. In short, we rose to the calling of the time.
Then, in the U.S., we suffered a Great Depression. We got over-extended, too happy, too punch-drunk from the high of the Roaring Twenties. We discovered that our economic immortality was a facade, falsely gilding our lifestyles, bank accounts, and investments. Sound familiar? Back then we had the sense to be progressive in order to extract ourselves from this predicament, but I dare say that today this country would sooner exile FDR than buy into another letter in his alphabet soup of recovery.
No, today's goons cannot even agree that anything needs to be done. They argue that a little does nothing so obviously more would do even less--the stimulus wasn't too small, just flawed. Oh, please! If you raise taxes on the top earners you'll kill jobs--even though those tax breaks over the past ten years have only served to lose us jobs and depress our GDP. Oh, and I love this one, the reason those "last ten years" numbers don't jibe with our low tax mantra is, well, Wall Street and the business community thought that some day those cuts would be repealed, so they couldn't hire or expand. So if we raise taxes we kill jobs. And if we lower taxes we kill jobs--unless we lower them FOREVER.
Here's what we need to realize. We are again at one of those points in history where we must change--reinvent ourselves--in order to rise to the occasion. The paradigm has shifted. We need to do the things the countries with money are doing: invest in infrastructure, create a "green jobs sector", and explore the natural resources of other countries through acquisition. (Yes there is more you can do abroad than vacation or invade.)
The U.S. needs to re-imagine itself as do many other countries. We need to look at our census data and realize that our demographic is shifting, is more diverse, is better. And we need to stop chasing the manufacturing jobs of the past and envision the green sector jobs of the present and future. It's just so obvious, and costly, and it requires a leap of faith that we are still as good--or better--than we used to be.
There are a lot of problems in our world, and people are suffering economically--and worse--all over. We know what needs to happen--in my view--but are unsure as to whether or not we possess the nerve to make those things happen. We have become entrenched in our political system and its machinations: the lobbyists, the PACs, the earmarks, and the never-ending election cycle. It was probably easier to be a Progressive in FDR's era, but it's just as necessary to be one now. Besides, alphabet soup always makes things better...chicken soup won't cut it with this "illness". ("Duck Soup" also works! Hey, Groucho...)
I look at the crisis in the Americas, and on most of the other continents as well, as cyclical change. Think climate: period of relative sameness, then warming period, then ice age. For many of us, the last century began still enjoying the boon of an Industrial Revolution which propelled most of our economies forward for decades to come. We learned new skills and we created new machines to do new jobs to create new products. In short, we rose to the calling of the time.
Then, in the U.S., we suffered a Great Depression. We got over-extended, too happy, too punch-drunk from the high of the Roaring Twenties. We discovered that our economic immortality was a facade, falsely gilding our lifestyles, bank accounts, and investments. Sound familiar? Back then we had the sense to be progressive in order to extract ourselves from this predicament, but I dare say that today this country would sooner exile FDR than buy into another letter in his alphabet soup of recovery.
No, today's goons cannot even agree that anything needs to be done. They argue that a little does nothing so obviously more would do even less--the stimulus wasn't too small, just flawed. Oh, please! If you raise taxes on the top earners you'll kill jobs--even though those tax breaks over the past ten years have only served to lose us jobs and depress our GDP. Oh, and I love this one, the reason those "last ten years" numbers don't jibe with our low tax mantra is, well, Wall Street and the business community thought that some day those cuts would be repealed, so they couldn't hire or expand. So if we raise taxes we kill jobs. And if we lower taxes we kill jobs--unless we lower them FOREVER.
Here's what we need to realize. We are again at one of those points in history where we must change--reinvent ourselves--in order to rise to the occasion. The paradigm has shifted. We need to do the things the countries with money are doing: invest in infrastructure, create a "green jobs sector", and explore the natural resources of other countries through acquisition. (Yes there is more you can do abroad than vacation or invade.)
The U.S. needs to re-imagine itself as do many other countries. We need to look at our census data and realize that our demographic is shifting, is more diverse, is better. And we need to stop chasing the manufacturing jobs of the past and envision the green sector jobs of the present and future. It's just so obvious, and costly, and it requires a leap of faith that we are still as good--or better--than we used to be.
There are a lot of problems in our world, and people are suffering economically--and worse--all over. We know what needs to happen--in my view--but are unsure as to whether or not we possess the nerve to make those things happen. We have become entrenched in our political system and its machinations: the lobbyists, the PACs, the earmarks, and the never-ending election cycle. It was probably easier to be a Progressive in FDR's era, but it's just as necessary to be one now. Besides, alphabet soup always makes things better...chicken soup won't cut it with this "illness". ("Duck Soup" also works! Hey, Groucho...)
BOOKS ON NOOK
DIRECTOR'S CUT and DARKER BY DEGREE are now available on Nook. Today, the three-pronged approach, tomorrow...world domination! (I mean word domination.)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Author's Page Up on Amazon
My author's page -- Susan Branham -- is now up on Amazon. I will add more content as I go along, but for now you have one convenient place to go to find me and my books.
HAPPY 4th to all the USers and HAPPY TIMES to everyone else out there.
Gotta go grab a piece of the sky and watch the town fireworks...
HAPPY 4th to all the USers and HAPPY TIMES to everyone else out there.
Gotta go grab a piece of the sky and watch the town fireworks...
THANK YOU ALL!
Many heartfelt thanks for all the well wishes and kind words from friends near and far as Keri and I achieve this milestone in our journey. But the work is not over yet! Heck, no work is ever done, is it?
So help us spread the word by telling your pals and cohorts about us and our books. Check in with me here as well as on the other blogs-- susanbranham.blogspot.com and publishingyourself.blogspot.com -- for news and information as it becomes available. (Now I sound like the public broadcasting system.)
But seriously, this is "not a test", this is it! Wheee. Now Keri and I just have to get the vast and beautiful world of all the electronic people to find us.
And for you fellow "indie artists" out there, please share your stories of discovery, challenge, motivation, and "success" in any its many forms with us here. My journey is not about me alone--why would I blog if not to connect with other fellow travelers? Sure, I love for you to read my silly thoughts and follow my mental excursions, and if you choose to do so without the employing the interactive element of "social media" that's absolutely fine with me. We're cool.
But if you have a story to tell, and need a place to tell it, let me know, what with high tides raising all boats and all that good stuff! We're all in this together. And the more we make our insights known, the more information we have with which to work. Besides, there's nothing better than a feeling of belonging to something, and of being heard.
I think that's the main reason I write, to be heard. But not just heard, known. For there is no greater fear in my mind than passing through this world unknown. I'm not talking about "fame" now, all kidding aside, I'm referring to the near immortality one achieves when at least one other soul out there gets you, understands you, feels you. To me, that's the point of everything.
So help us spread the word by telling your pals and cohorts about us and our books. Check in with me here as well as on the other blogs-- susanbranham.blogspot.com and publishingyourself.blogspot.com -- for news and information as it becomes available. (Now I sound like the public broadcasting system.)
But seriously, this is "not a test", this is it! Wheee. Now Keri and I just have to get the vast and beautiful world of all the electronic people to find us.
And for you fellow "indie artists" out there, please share your stories of discovery, challenge, motivation, and "success" in any its many forms with us here. My journey is not about me alone--why would I blog if not to connect with other fellow travelers? Sure, I love for you to read my silly thoughts and follow my mental excursions, and if you choose to do so without the employing the interactive element of "social media" that's absolutely fine with me. We're cool.
But if you have a story to tell, and need a place to tell it, let me know, what with high tides raising all boats and all that good stuff! We're all in this together. And the more we make our insights known, the more information we have with which to work. Besides, there's nothing better than a feeling of belonging to something, and of being heard.
I think that's the main reason I write, to be heard. But not just heard, known. For there is no greater fear in my mind than passing through this world unknown. I'm not talking about "fame" now, all kidding aside, I'm referring to the near immortality one achieves when at least one other soul out there gets you, understands you, feels you. To me, that's the point of everything.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Susan: PUBLISHED!!
Well, I just finished over three hours of emailing contacts to share the news about the two mystery books going live today. Wheeee!
This has been a long, long journey for Keri and me, and I'm glad to see us bring it to this point on our OWN TERMS! So if you wanna support the indies, go have a look at our books, "like" us, download them if you're interested, then give us a review, whatever you feel is right for you. I'll let you know how things are going. I'm just glad to--for the first time in my adult life--see the publishing curve finally bend down to accept the intellectual property creators, the artists, rather than always be on the side of the bean-counters and the salespeople. It's nice that our electronic media and our social networking capabilities allow us to take our products directly to the audience. (Well, almost directly. We do need our friends at Amazon, et. al.)
What a long, strange trip it's been............
This has been a long, long journey for Keri and me, and I'm glad to see us bring it to this point on our OWN TERMS! So if you wanna support the indies, go have a look at our books, "like" us, download them if you're interested, then give us a review, whatever you feel is right for you. I'll let you know how things are going. I'm just glad to--for the first time in my adult life--see the publishing curve finally bend down to accept the intellectual property creators, the artists, rather than always be on the side of the bean-counters and the salespeople. It's nice that our electronic media and our social networking capabilities allow us to take our products directly to the audience. (Well, almost directly. We do need our friends at Amazon, et. al.)
What a long, strange trip it's been............
THE TIME IS NOW!!!!!
So, what exactly was it that fit in all those pesky blanks I've been giving you? Why the Maddie Pryce mystery series e-books of course! And they are available NOW. We are live on Amazon and Smashwords as of today, and are offering each book at $2.99. Both are novel-length fiction: DARKER BY DEGREE is 75,000 words or roughly 300 pages, and DIRECTOR'S CUT is 82,000 words or roughly 330 pages. That's right, you're only paying a penny a page for a great mystery and a fun read.
If you visit Smashwords, you'll need to search by the book titles. With Amazon, you may choose to search under either of our names or the book titles. And while you're at Amazon, those of you with Amazon accounts could really help us spread the word by hitting the "like" button for the books, if you feel so inclined.
More formats will follow in the weeks to come and print editions will be available in about a month. I will of course update you on all that info as soon as I have it.
But for now, thanks for your readership and attention, and I hope you'll go check out the books. We're both really happy to have them go live and very proud of the quality of writing and editing that has gone into them. I hope you will be too. Thanks so much!
If you visit Smashwords, you'll need to search by the book titles. With Amazon, you may choose to search under either of our names or the book titles. And while you're at Amazon, those of you with Amazon accounts could really help us spread the word by hitting the "like" button for the books, if you feel so inclined.
More formats will follow in the weeks to come and print editions will be available in about a month. I will of course update you on all that info as soon as I have it.
But for now, thanks for your readership and attention, and I hope you'll go check out the books. We're both really happy to have them go live and very proud of the quality of writing and editing that has gone into them. I hope you will be too. Thanks so much!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Final Clues
1 Journal/blank book = 5________________s.
3 hours of metered parking in West Hollywood = 1_______________.
1 Non-Resident swim at the West Hollywood pool = 1______________.
2 wash cycles + 2 dry cycles at Lucy's on Mohawk laundromat, West Sunset Blvd. = 1_______________.
1 750 ml bottle, Absolut Kurant Vodka (w/o club discount) at Bevmo on Santa Monica Blvd. = 7______s.
Actually, that's just slam full of clues, isn't it? We're in LaLaLand, The City of Angels, Motion Picture, USA. And we're walking in--unless she has an audition or one of those insider galas to attend--the sensible shoes of Maddie Pryce.
Here's what you need to know about Maddie:
Things she enjoys: swimming, cracking-wise, sipping on the vodka she keeps in the freezer
Things she detests: bad publicity, idiots, having dead people turn up uninvited
So a normal day in the life of Maddie Pryce might look pretty much like the above. Thing is, Maddie doesn't seem to be a very successful collector of "normal days". Besides, once you've met her you'll wanna hang around much longer than that.
3 hours of metered parking in West Hollywood = 1_______________.
1 Non-Resident swim at the West Hollywood pool = 1______________.
2 wash cycles + 2 dry cycles at Lucy's on Mohawk laundromat, West Sunset Blvd. = 1_______________.
1 750 ml bottle, Absolut Kurant Vodka (w/o club discount) at Bevmo on Santa Monica Blvd. = 7______s.
Actually, that's just slam full of clues, isn't it? We're in LaLaLand, The City of Angels, Motion Picture, USA. And we're walking in--unless she has an audition or one of those insider galas to attend--the sensible shoes of Maddie Pryce.
Here's what you need to know about Maddie:
Things she enjoys: swimming, cracking-wise, sipping on the vodka she keeps in the freezer
Things she detests: bad publicity, idiots, having dead people turn up uninvited
So a normal day in the life of Maddie Pryce might look pretty much like the above. Thing is, Maddie doesn't seem to be a very successful collector of "normal days". Besides, once you've met her you'll wanna hang around much longer than that.
Friday, July 1, 2011
More Clues
1 day of GPS in a rental car, with club discount = 3_______________s
1 small order of Chili Cheese Fries at a casual dining restaurant = 1________________.
1 half-hour massage = 10________________s.
3.5 oz Butterfly Habitat wildflower seeds = 5__________________s.
12 oz Peet's Coffee House Blend, Ground = 4_________________s.
Money sure doesn't go as far as it should these days, but you'll feel MUCH better about things when I give you your final clues tomorrow. (Because the super sweet deal of an answer will be revealed soon after.)
Yeah, you may have guessed what I'm on about and the tease may be cheesy, but hey, who else would slather you with all this nifty fiscal trivia?
And please scroll down to enjoy photographic installment #2 of the "Dogs on Parade". Rest assured that no animals were harmed in the making of all this cuteness.
1 small order of Chili Cheese Fries at a casual dining restaurant = 1________________.
1 half-hour massage = 10________________s.
3.5 oz Butterfly Habitat wildflower seeds = 5__________________s.
12 oz Peet's Coffee House Blend, Ground = 4_________________s.
Money sure doesn't go as far as it should these days, but you'll feel MUCH better about things when I give you your final clues tomorrow. (Because the super sweet deal of an answer will be revealed soon after.)
Yeah, you may have guessed what I'm on about and the tease may be cheesy, but hey, who else would slather you with all this nifty fiscal trivia?
And please scroll down to enjoy photographic installment #2 of the "Dogs on Parade". Rest assured that no animals were harmed in the making of all this cuteness.
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