Love Letters

Dear Mr. President,
I don't think we have anything terribly important next Wednesday night--the kids will probably have homework, the boy will blow his horn, and some volunteer event may come up--so we'd love to have you over to give your speech here.

I'm sorry that Mr. Boehner wouldn't come out to play and I do not want you to feel left out. Besides when you're through, you can laugh at me yelling at the competition on the televised debate. Husband has beer in the fridge, the dogs would love to meet Bo, and the kids would all get along great--big backyard, treehouse, etc.

Hope to see you,
cockeyedsusan

Dear Mr. Boehner,
You obviously didn't go to an elementary school with the "if you aren't gonna invite the whole class do not bring the invitations into the classroom" rule. Dude, you can't shut somebody down like that so publicly.

You come from a big family, you know how feelings can get hurt. The man has you over all the time, takes you out golfing, and you cannot make time to have him over to your place? It just seems rude.

I know he may have questionable timing--I get that--but even if he is playing a game it's just making you look like the bad guy. You might wanna reconsider, or at least come up with a better excuse. (I don't think doing your hair will work, maybe applying that deck stain you use as a skin tone would be more believable?)

So be a dear and let the President know that it's not him, it's you. Otherwise he's gonna think you're just not that into him. Then all the other legislators will be all talking smack and cutting him looks. You know how they all stop talking sometimes when you enter the room. Yeah, ouch.

Thanks for considering,
cockeyedsusan

P.S. Dear Readers: Is the President playing politics? I can't decide. On the one hand you have the lack of respect for the Office of the President of the United States of America and on the other hand you have a debate that was planned six months ago. Sure, the respect issue outweighs a debate, but why stir the pot? Maybe it's POTUS' only open night next week. Whaddaya think? I hope the answer leads to a good jobs package with teeth. No matter what the date, it cannot be soon enough for the unemployed.

Goodbye, August!

Man, August was nice. It wasn't the sad, slow march to Summer's demise that it can be here, but rather a true third month of warmth and glory.

And what did I do with it? Yeah, guess we should touch base on that whole "new thing a month'' scheme.

Well, for August, I did a couple of new things:
1. I worked 4 hours setting up a big wine festival in town.
2. I bought a guy a ring. Specifically "Husband", in honor of completing our 25th married year.
I'm thinking on the official tally, I'll go with #2. It was a big first for me (and I think, for him). The ring part, not the 25 years!

So we're halfway through my 50th year. What will the next six new things be? Dunno. But it should be fun to find out together. And while I haven't racked up any "extreme" stuff yet--except my "whole frame, outlook, way of life" to quote Keenan Wynn from "Doctor Strangelove"--maybe I'll surprise myself along the way.

Gosh, I hope so.

And the band played on...

(This one riles me so much I had to access a self-imposed cooling off period before composing this post. Hopefully a much more balanced rant will follow below as a result. susan)

The headline reads: "Irene Makes 2011 a Record-breaking Year for Disasters". That record for the number of billion-dollar-costing storms was set in 1980. Irene broke it by bringing this year's total to 10. So far.

I was graduated from high school in 1980 and I'll admit there were some questionable records: "Do That to Me One More Time" by Captain & Tenille comes to mind. But if, like anthropologists with an ancient papyrus we read through some of the other hits of that year, we might get the clue. We'll even cast aside obvious signs like "Too Hot" by Kool and the Gang and "Dim All the Lights" by Donna Summer. Let's just let these 10 relics be our guide:
* "Breakdown Dead Ahead"
* "Refugee"
* "Heartbreaker"
* "Hurt So Bad"
* "Emotional Rescue"
* "Heartache Tonight"
* "An American Dream"
* "Don't Do Me Like That"
* "Misunderstanding"
* "We Don't Talk Anymore"

But those aren't records to which Teahouse Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA) is willing to listen. He and Heckuva Horsejudge Mike Brown, former FEMA head, are having a listening party of their own. They wanna hold up FEMA funds until off-setting spending cuts can be made in other areas of the budget. Money has already had to be diverted from the poor folks of Joplin, Mo. who are only trying to rebuild their entire town so that the Irene-ravaged Northeast can get some flood relief.

When did we become a country where we pit the blown down against the washed away? This ain't a boxing match or a scrum, this is human life and livelihood. And I don't know if you've considered it, but bad as this DC fight is, can you imagine if President "I'll Make Washington Inconsequential In Your Lives" Perry was in office right now?

Thank goodness we have the Big O? Not exactly. Earlier this year the Administration asked for $1.8 billion for FEMA's Emergency Assistance Fund. That's only one-fourth of last year's FEMA appropriation. And FEMA says they could be short upwards of $5 billion in funding for next year. Oh, and here's the kicker: They made that estimate before Irene. And Joplin. And Tuscaloosa.

This June, the Teahouse passed a FEMA funding measure to the tune of $1 billion. Okay, that's a start, right? Well, they'll only release those monies if corresponding cuts are made in first-responder grants ('cuz that's not important in a disaster) and cuts to a loan program designed to encourage the production of fuel-efficient vehicles ('cuz the Repubs aren't interested in incentives for businesses--I mean job-creators--and because it isn't like there's such a thing as Climate Change that has anything under the sun to do with these disasters in the first place).

So while President treads lightly around the Teasippers some very interesting voices tune up the pipes to add to our chorus of chaos. I'm speaking of The Heritage Foundation. Now why any network or news outlet ever goes to these buffoons as "experts" is beyond human understanding. Remember, it was their "experts" (read: connected preppy college kids) who mismanaged/bungled/lost practically all of the Iraq rebuilding money with which they were entrusted. Yeah, a little tougher than sending Biff on a beer run when the keg runs dry at the post-Rush mixer.

Last evening, Rory Cooper, a spokesperson for Heritage, was interviewed by the Rev. Al Sharpton on his new MSNBC show, "Politics Nation". Rory said that President Obama was simply declaring too many emergencies. And he came loaded with facts: Former President George H.W. Bush only declared about 43 disasters per year, and sonny--Former President George W. Bush- only declared 130 in his last year in office. President Obama has declared 288 this year alone. Rory says this is a mistake that President has made as many of these occurrences should be handled by the states and the local governments. "Now we're going into States' Rights on hurricanes," Rev. Al quipped. I laughed, but only because he was singing my tune. After all, Cantor didn't attribute his ire on FEMA spending to, say, the earthquake with the epicenter in his district, he spoke this week in response to Hurricane Irene. Now I don't know about you, but I don't really want my local authorities to attempt to handle a massive emergency on their own. Don't get me wrong, our folks are smart, well-trained, and have more common sense in their toenails than anyone in Washington has amassed, but they just aren't set-up (read: funded) to do gigantic horrors. Right now we'd simply like to get out some hammers and nails so we can put away the buckets when the school roofs leak.

Remember the guy Keith O interviewed back when his "Countdown" show was on MSNBC? The guy's house burned to the ground because he hadn't paid a small tax to his local government. His neighbor offered to pay it on the spot as the firefighters watched the place burn down. They wouldn't take the money. The man lost everything. Keith and his viewers managed to raise money to help the family out because after all, don't we all make mistakes? And wasn't that penalty far out of line with the man's error?

Reverend Al also spoke with Joe Madison, a host on Sirius XM Radio. Joe was pitch-perfect with this statement on the knock on the forecasters, governments that issued evacuations, and the news coverage of Irene: "It was not overhyped; it's called 'preparedness'." He added that he'd bet Rory and his cronies wouldn't be in favor of getting that $7-plus billion that Irene will likely cost by bringing the troops home from their Middle East forays and setting them to the task of rebuilding. (Course not: That would save money and create jobs.)

But the refrain I want to leave ringing in your ears, the damned song you shouldn't be able to get out of your head now, should be this melodramatic malady from one Rush (not to be confused with the '70s supergroup) Limbaugh: "I'll promise you this, President Obama was hoping for a disaster. It was made to order..." to excuse his troubled economy.

Fiddle while Vermont floods and let the Titanic band play on but that, folks, is the name of that tune.

Animal House

Disturbing headlines batter and baffle us from all areas of human existence:
*Hot Sauce Mom?
*Man tries to sneak snakes on a plane
*Have pilots forgotten how to fly?
*Wasps with massive jaws
*Panda poop
*Empty Space Station

But just as sure as Michele Bachmann was joking about God and Hurricane Irene, and I honestly believe that she was (she had to be, right?), I know that I can count on not falling for some tommyrot about dolphins donning caps, luring fishes into prearranged conch shells, then picking up said shell and shaking out their lunch.

I mean really, can you picture a dolphin in a Knute Rockney-style leatherhead-looking helmet fashioned from coral hoisting up a conch shell to his mouth--like those pretty, pretty scantily-clad young men in Hawaii do at sunset when they blow on the shell before racing around to light all the torches for the evening's luau--just to grab a bite? Talk about a new restaurant where the reservations are hard to come by. The dude just needs to slip some sand dollars to the maitre de!

See, it's foolishness. And I know a good prank when I hear one. I've been, we've all been punked.

Speaking of punks, I just discovered how Woody got all that food last week. He was using the counter stools as a ladder. (I know this because I just caught him grabbing a tomato and running out to the deck to devour it. Hey, at least he's eating healthy foods.) I shouldn't be surprised though, after all he can recite the alphabet, makes lovely artisan cheese omelets, and is currently working on a translation of Dick Cheney's new book. (He speaks Revisionese fluently.)

So do not fall for these salacious and ludicrous news items. There's no way in the world that dolphins can--they what?, who says?, oh come on--uhm...like I was saying, those Dolphins man, you just gotta hope they don't get themselves into any triple overtime situations. Yeah, and hope the U of Miami comes out of the NCAA justice system okay. And how about that Dolph Lundgren? Whew!

Stupid fish. (I know it's a @#*! mammal!)

You asked for it: Behind the Scenes

Hello, lovely person who has already voted and requested "e-book outtakes". I appreciate the feedback!
And, since I'm up with what I hope is not the beginnings of a cold, I'll give you the first insider's snippet right now as a thank you for your input.

When Keri and I were writing DIRECTOR'S CUT--our personal favorite of the books by the way--the LA Times Reporter, Dan Harper, had a much larger role. We decided that he didn't work in that capacity, then in any capacity and we killed him entirely; removed his character from the book. In his place, we created a purveyor of Hollywood memorabilia, Carsten Gerrard, who turned out to be a really fun element with which to work. As we wove Carsten into Maddie's world, we realized that we did need Dan, just not the Dan with which we'd begun. So we brought him back from the dead in a smaller but stronger role.

Neither of us could imagine the book without both men now, and we're really glad we stuck with the process long enough to get it right. Writing character-driven fiction is much like trying to hold a jellyfish under one finger, but sometimes that squirming and wrangling all turns out in the end.

Poll-er Opposites

Well, we had no takers on the polls this week so I guess I should skip those in favor of something you'd rather see and do. But...you'll have to let me know what that is, so I'm afraid we're looking at one more poll so you guys can give me some guidance on content.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering: I studied Latin for five years, wanted to be a nuclear physicist (mainly interested in fission), and lettered in yearbook. I know, who knew you could do that? It's a long story which I may tell one day, but I hardly remember the details.

I hope you'll give me some feedback on what you'd like to see in this space! Thanks.

The Five Sin-ses

Strolling through the online weeds of NBC's multitudinous story sources, I came out with a handful of selections for your dining and dancing pleasure.
In no particular order, they are:

1. Goshen College, a Mennonite School in Indiana, recently dropped the National Anthem from the pre-game of all their sporting events because the song's violence is against their religion. (from "Rick's Cafe Americain", Rick Chandler's blog, NBC Sports)
2. Mother of Mercy, a Roman Catholic High School (RCHS) in Cincinnati--not to be confused with "WKRP in Cincinnati"--was forced to move its Ramadan dinner from the school to a church parish center. The event, which was planned in cooperation with the local Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR) and had been touted as a goodwill with Muslims effort, was moved in response to enraged emailers.
3. Glenn "Jews Talk Too Much" Beck had an interesting take on the Norway massacre. He said that the victims put him in mind of the Hitler Youth. "Who does a camp for kids that is all about politics," Beck commented. Beck's "9/12 Project" has run several youth camps this summer including one in Utah which focused on "the Constitution and the Founding generation".
4. Raymond Ibrahim, associate director of the Middle East Forum, a Philadelphia-based think tank, recently spoke at Everett Community College in Everett, Washington. Ibrahim has stated that "true adherents of Islam are compelled to wage jihad and present a threat to the U.S." Local Realtor, Jeff Siddiqui said in response to Ibrahim's belief that "America is, if we're not careful, very close to 1938 Germany."
5. Rick Santorum--the prick that keeps on giving-- blamed the U.K. riots on a "secular society" set upon by "hoodlums with no dads".
(Gad, he makes me tired! Look Ricky, much as you may love your patriarchal society, we really don't need men to tell us how to think and act, what to do with our reproductive organs, how to raise our kids, nor how to observe whatever it is that we do or do not choose to believe. Some of us do choose to co-cohabitate with the Y-chromosomes and others do not. All of us though, can do just fine guided by the lights of our own wits, to a woman. It isn't like you dudes have gotten a whole heck of a lot right lately, anyway.)

And now, go out, be fruity, and eat a pie.

This King Lives On

I know Irene has cancelled the planned dedication of the National Mall's newest memorial, the statue commemorating the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., but this weekend being the anniversary of the March on Washington, it seems appropriate to say a few words about the new installation.

First off, I think it is just beautiful: A concrete mountain separates to allow the visitor to pass through to get to Dr. King's concept of a "stone of hope" from a mountain of sorrow. And the depiction of Dr. King himself is nothing short of breathtaking, even when viewed on a TV screen. The likeness really seems to capture the man and his spirit.

This entire project was first suggested in 1984 and took 25 years once construction began. It is open to the public, but the dedication ceremony will have to wait a bit longer.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to be a person of color old enough to recall segregation (and worse) who then goes to stand before this monument. A man once reviled, a race once unacceptable, and here he is standing some 40 feet tall in proximity to the Lincoln Memorial and the Jefferson Memorial. The emotion must be absolutely overwhelming.

Dr. King's lessons live on to remind us not to underestimate each other but to understand each other. His legacy endures reminding us not to be enraged but engaged in the life of our world and its people. I am reminded of the song lyric: "None of us are free, None of us are free, None of us are free if one of us is chained, none of us are free."

I hope to get to Washington again one day, this time to see this lovely piece of art and to use it to remind my kids of the endurance of the soaring human spirit. They will of course never have to face the trials and tribulations that Dr. King and his movement knew all too well, but they will face their own trials. They need, we all need to see that even when things are at their harshest, the most difficult, that success and advancement are still possibilities. They need to know that you can get through your own mountains of sorrow to arrive finally at the "stone of hope".

Cupps and Saucers: NY to Arizona

Today's "person whom I choose to ridicule for a comment made on 'Morning Joe'" is NY Daily News Staff Writer S. E. Cupp. Here is what she had to say about the upcoming continuation of the debt and deficit talks:

"We have got to address this problem and if we have to get creative and innovative and think outside the box and maybe even make some compromises, I think the American people would really appreciate that."

No, actually we expect it.

Ms. Cupp, a conservative, doesn't sound like she is willing to encourage the Super Committee's Republicans to do any of the things that their task requires. I knew the Repubs had made "compromise" a bad word, but had no idea they wanted to add "creative" and "innovative" to the list. If we have to...she starts out. And maybe even...she continues. Do these sound like the phrases a negotiator should embrace?

And then there's Arizona. C'mon, man! Take off the damned hobo shoes already.

• Daylight Savings Time-----NO THANKS!
• Signing right up for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. federal holiday---NO THANKS!
• We don't really need to see your papers----NO THANKS!
• Being cool with President Obama getting an honorary degree to speak at a college commencement----NO THANKS!
• Being cool with President Obama not needing to prove his "worthiness" for their 2012 ballot---NO THANKS!
• Upholding the Voting Rights Act--NO THANKS!

I'm sorry but I can only come to one conclusion and I don't think I have to spell out what I mean. Let me just tell a story instead. I remember several years back watching an "Oprah" show where her interviewees were specialists in the field of anthropology that focuses on eye color. The audience was divided into the "blue-eyed group" and the "brown-eyed group", and as the study findings were laid before them both groups got more and more angry. Stereotypes offended both groups, and the suppositions they created made the entire audience defensive. Before shouts became blows, Oprah had her "Allen Funt" moment and broke it to the audience that the whole thing was a ruse: they'd been fooled. Everyone laughed, and the discussion that followed was honest and illuminating.

No one likes to be profiled, pre-judged, or have an assumed stereotype applied to them; we are members of groups but not representatives of preconceived notions. Oprah's little stunt showed those who had perhaps never found themselves in the persecuted group what that membership card carries with it, and they didn't like what the saw, what they felt. Arizona seems to take a similar stance with certain groups far too often. They are not alone--look at the disgraceful "cameras on Pakistanis" tactic that is rightfully under fire in New York--but Arizona is building quite a resume of intolerance.

I hope I'm wrong and that these are just coincidences. I hope I'm the one guilty of the hypocritical rush to judgement of that beautiful state. And I hope that we can all learn, and soon, to move off of our concrete positions long enough to make some good decisions for the fiscal future of our nation.

I'm gonna have my say, tell my truths, and show my stripes. I just don't know any other way to be me. And I'll call someone out when I think they're being wrong-headed. But I will also listen to their truths and allow them to find me ludicrous if they so choose. It's a two-way street, this whole opinion racket. But if we start out with S. E. Cupp's language and keep the ingrained images of the other guy in the forefront of our minds the way some of Arizona's decisions seem to do, we are never going to hear each other's point of view much less have an actual conversation about the work that needs to get done.

And then the ayes may not "have it", but the eyes will.

Have you seen this man?

Yes, a 39 pound dog can jump up on a kitchen island, stretch his neck to reach the middle, and lift homemade cereal bars off of a silver platter.

He can do this, evidently, at least six times in less than 30 minutes.

He can then gnaw through the zippy bags, consume the fiber-dense bars, and leave the lacy, plastic remnants on the back deck.

And then, with no shame nor moral qualms, he can ask you to give him treats.

Woody is darned lucky he's my favorite thing in the entire world, otherwise I might be a tad agitated at this moment. Rather, I will have to change my habit of leaving goodies on the island, even shoved safely to the middle as these were.

Question: Can a 39 pound dog lift a glass cake stand?

Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood

Representative Mike Rogers (R-MI), the chair of the House Intelligence Committee (we won't get into that illogical phrase) had a very interesting take on our jobs situation in an appearance on "Morning Joe" yesterday. Here's what he said, verbatim: "It takes away from the local economy if the federal government hires people." What?

Of course my first thought was that Rep. Rogers might want to run that "theory" by Gov. Perry so he can check it for holes the way he checked out that silly Charles Darwin's theory. Because if Perry is the King of the Job Creators on the state level, and if practically all those jobs are federal jobs (they are), then isn't Perry "Messin' with Texas"?

I honestly do not understand the Republicans' hatred of federal employment. Thank goodness FDR was in office for the Great Depression! Hoover, if he agreed with modern-day Elephants, wouldn't have started the WPA, the CCC, the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA), plus all the rest of the alphabet soup ingredients that have served us well for generations. And few entities are in the position to do BIG things on the job front other than the feds. Have they done that? Not nearly enough yet. Should they? Absolutely.

So I'm not sure what Mr. Rogers is on about with the whole "local economy" damage concept--don't these folks spend money like the rest of us "federal families"? I do not buy groceries in Washington, DC, I buy them here in Colorado. My hubby isn't doing a job that he could be doing at the state level, that is unless Colorado decides to start up its own airline. And he isn't sitting around taking up space in some quota-filling unnecessary role--that is unless pilots and passengers know how to safely separate aircraft in a part of the sky riddled with 14,000 foot mountain peaks.

Somehow when folks hear the words "government workers" they picture overpaid and underworked people sitting at desks for half the day and talking about their personal lives for the other half. Sure, there are some people like that in all professions federal or not; we all aren't always as conscientious as we could be. But I can assure you that local and national public servants--fire fighters, teachers, police officers, first responders, etc.--aren't sitting on their backsides pondering philosophy nor the fate of "Dancing With the Stars'" latest contestants. They are highly-trained folks who quietly keep us all alive every day. And "government jobs" are real jobs, not giveaways. Know anyone who works at the post office? Ask them how often they sit around and just chat. Remember Newman's rant on "Seinfeld" about the LSM (letter-sorting machine) on "Publisher's Clearinghouse" day? It was based on fact; to that I can attest.

So Mr. Rogers, you're gonna have to forgive my ignorance, but I'm danged if I can understand what  damage federal jobs cause on the local level. I wouldn't want to live in a community without public servants--whether local, state, or federal--and I doubt that you do. Mr. Perry takes credit for federal jobs every day. And, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't being in Congress a federal job?

These are the people in your neighborhood, too, Representative.

First Quarter Stats

In the game of marriage, hubby and I have just finished the first quarter: Tied score, no serious injuries.
Even though at times we may fumble or execute poorly, we both still seem to enjoy playing the sport. And all things "being equal", I think we're both willing to go to OT.

Happy 25th Anniversary, dude...though we're both way to young for that math to be accurate. We should fire that statistician.

Race you to the tunnel at halftime.

Sh-sh-sh-shaking

Well, I'm up now!

Nope, it's not the bear. We just had a 5.3 earthquake and evidently we also had a 4.6 earlier in the afternoon. As I just tweeted, "Am I still living in NorCal?"

The dogs seem interested but the kids are sound asleep. The fish were really glad to see me, and I them. I mention the fish because if you've been involved with seismic activity you know the impact it has on bodies of water. Like the toilet. My upstairs potty in Cali was white-capping one All Hallow's Eve.

Glad we didn't have a mudslide.

Last of the Summer: Whine!

Well this is it. Just sent the kids to bed as it is the first day of school tomorrow. They are of course ready to see the friends they didn't see over the summer and, as they are both pre-teens, I am somewhat relieved to have them not together all the time, getting on each other's nerves.

I remember this day last year. I was coming out of the girl child's school when I smiled at the lady who'd come out just before me. She had paused a moment and was enjoying a large to go container of coffee. She gave me a wry smile in return and said simply, "Best day of the year."

While I wouldn't go that far, I think most parents can understand her sentiment and I was glad she found her own humor in the situation. Beats the heck out of those teary, clingy episodes on the first day of kindergarten.

It'll be nice to have both kids in the same school now that they are both middle schoolers, but as you'll recall from my emotional farewell to the elementary school, it'll be an adjustment for us all. I know they'll do fine because they always have, even when we moved them around a lot. Now that they are settled and together, perhaps they'll find that seeing each other part-time is a nice compromise between being in different schools all day and spending the entire summer planning each other's demise.

So it's our first early wake-up call in three months. (A full hour earlier than the get-used-to-middle-school classes we took the girl to a few weeks back.) I've already primed and pre-prepared all the breakfast stuff, they've taken their showers, and (supposedly) have everything they need by the door.

But you know something will be squirrelly: "Mom, I can't ride my bike while carrying this sax", "Mom, these new socks gave me a rash because I forgot to wash them first", "Mom, one of the dogs peed on the floor", "Will you people please eat your breakfast", "Oh my gosh, my bike tire is deflated", "Where the heck did I put the house keys"...and all the other things I cannot foresee. (Like, no lie, hubby just said "Hey, I just heard a bear across the street.")

But we'll eventually get out the door, onto our bikes, and take the obligatory "first day photograph". I wonder if this one will feature an extra character, a big dark blur of a thing in the background, which we'll hear clearly saying "Rrrroooaaarrrr!" Hell, we may make it to school in record time.

NEW POLLS: HIGH SCHOOL

In last week's poll, "What's the funniest thing you've ever done in the shower?", I'll have to put myself in the same silly boat: I too, have forgotten to remove all my clothing before entering the shower. I'm pretty sure I've also walked out of the shower before opening the curtain/door.

As to the "Stupid ways in which Susan has injured herself", some votes were right and some not. Here are the correct ones: Yes, I nearly fell off Georgia's famous Stone Mountain (slid right to the damned edge), yes, I did catch a racquetball in the eye (and that was a scary five minutes), yes, I did suffer an arm crushing blow from a German Shepherd, but that isn't the entire story of my broken collarbone. First, I jumped off a pile of cinder blocks, then I tripped over a planter, and then the German Shepherd fell on me. Now for the incorrect votes: No, I have never had an ear bitten by a bird, but I wouldn't put it past me...or the bird. I have also fallen down a hell of a lot of stairs, but have never suffered a concussion because of it.

This week's three polls have a theme: High School. My kids, though not at that high a grade level just yet, begin school this week and that has me harkening back to my own wonderful/horrifying school days. Good luck figuring out just which kid I was back then.

And for all you folks going back to school now or soon, as Garrison Keillor says: "Be well, do good work, and keep in touch." Bon Chance!

Today's Fare: Alternative Recipes for Lasagna, Meatloaf, and Cheesecake

These three inventions turned out to be really tasty today, so I thought I'd share them with you.

LASAGNA
Tear corn tortillas into strips to mimic the size of lasagna noodles. Layer them in an 8"x8" casserole dish which has been buttered, oiled, or sprayed. Crumble some uncooked ground turkey atop the tortillas. Then add a layer of sliced cheddar cheese. Top that layer off with low-fat ricotta to which you have added dried onion, garlic, Italian mixed herbs, salt, and pepper (or your seasonings of choice). Pour a generous amount of spaghetti sauce (I used Ragu's Tomato and Basil Chunky variety) over this to cover. Then repeat all the layers and cover again with the sauce. Top with a sprinkling of corn tortilla shreds. Bake at 350 for approximately an hour (remember, I'm at nearly two miles high, so it will vary for you--things cook quickly up here). Cut into squares and serve.

MEATLOAF
Hand mix upwards of a pound of ground turkey with the following: wheat germ, ground flax seed, a half cup of cooked cauliflower broken into bite-sized pieces, about 3/4 cup of low fat ricotta, a healthy amount of katsup, fresh or dried onion, garlic, seasonings of your choice (see the above for mine), and a half cup of spaghetti sauce. Once this is well-mixed, transfer to a loaf pan and bake at 350 for close to an hour, checking to make sure juices run clear. Top with more katsup, slice, and serve.

CHOCOLATE-CHERRY CHEESECAKE
Crush and roll out the contents of one sleeve of graham crackers with your rolling pin. Melt about 1/3 cup of butter in the microwave then add to crumbs. (You can use more butter--or less--so long as the crumbs are well-moistened.) Add melted butter to crumbs and mix until the crumbs are moist. Break up a small handful of the nut of your choice (I like walnuts, pecans work well too) into very small pieces and add to crumb mixture. Transfer to a deep-dish pie pan and pat crust mixture evenly across the bottom of the pan. Pour one 6 oz. cup of Greek yogurt over the crust and smooth out with a frosting knife or small spatula. Sprinkle yogurt with chocolate chips. Pour one can of "lite" or "less sugar" cherry pie filling over the chips, spreading to cover all layers. (Make sure you use a brand of filling that is "mostly fruit" or "more fruit".) Let set in the refrigerator for a few hours. Serve with a sprinkling of sugar or sugar substitute on top, if more sweetness is desired.

Old Buddy, Old Pal

Yes, I know I misspelled Buddy Ebsen's name in last night's posting; I wrote "Epsen". Now perhaps I was thinking he invented the printer --which would have been a misspelling of Epson-- or that he lived to be as old as salt --which would have been a misspelling of Epsom--but whatever I was thinking, I was wrong.

And I'm not going to make it right. I'm drawing my line in the imaginary sand of my own neuroses and letting it ride, wrong forever. This is a way bigger deal for me than for you, dear reader, but indulge me a bit; I do have a point coming.

When I was 15, I tripped and fell on either the poorly maintained carpeting or a vacuum cord in a nationally-known big box store and I apologized to the sales lady for doing so. That same year --or was it the next?-- I was the victim of a prank played by "friends" which led to me being injured in a big fall from a big horse (his name was actually "Whoa Damnit"), and I apologized for that one too. When I was 17, I was injured in a fall on work equipment...yeah, you guessed it. So in my teensy, tiny way letting Buddy go on in perpetuity as "Epsen" somehow makes all that other stuff seem less important, seem to have less of a hold on me now. Thank you, Buddy.

I am, however, even happier with myself that I've been up for three hours now and I just remembered the error. That, my friends, is within spitting distance of miracle territory!

So as I was reading the opinion columns in today's local rag, I came across a lovely essay by The Washington Posts' Kathleen Parker; not a columnist with whom I find myself in earnest opinion on a regular basis, but I do very regularly enjoy what she has to say. Today she was on about civility. It seems she was in an elevator in New York's Presbyterian Hospital when she and about a half dozen others found themselves in the presence of a cursing woman and her berated but insolent son. The "lady" was evidently taken with the MF word, and made sure there were enough of them littering the elevator floor that her fellow travelers could take them along as well.

KP was not doing her duty of calling out the sinner nor was she wielding a picket sign and pounding a bible a la the Women's Christian Temperance Union, but she was reminding her readers that we all co-own public space and that we should think about how we use it and what the rights of those using it with us may be. Hey, I've been threatened with imprisonment for not giving up a source and have filed Freedom of Information Act paperwork to procure illegally withheld documents in my journalistic past, so no one has to instruct me on the importance and utter righteousness of our First Amendment provisions. But Kathleen was attending the birth of her grand-niece and now that memory is all wrapped up in the slimy, vitriolic rant of an angry mother. It's as if you look at an old photo and remember the argument you had with your child about what to wear in it. Not a pleasant attachment.

Kathleen said it way better than could I: "A vile invader, she made coarse and unlovely a period of time that was not her own." Made coarse and unlovely a period of time...isn't that a poignantly gorgeous string of words?

So I wondered, if I was reading my blog post from last evening as an outside observer would I or would I not have been civil with myself? Would I have laughed and mumbled "idiot" under my breath? Would I have developed a notion complete with backstory about this fool? Or, would I have smiled and thought nobody's perfect, I'll give her that one? On different occasions I have no doubt that the answer would shift, and that's work I need to undertake, whether I'm in public or not.

But for now I think Buddy probably forgives me and I forgive myself so that is more than enough. As the blind piano tuner explained in an episode of the greatest TV show ever, "Northern Exposure", the fine rug makers always leave one knot untied. So you know it was made by a person, so the recipient has room to add themselves to the art. He equated it to the rests in music, the spaces between the notes that are just as much a part of the piece as the written and played notes. I've also heard of, adopted, and felt that outlook whenever I discover a rock with a hole in it; "holey stones" some traditions call them. Long ago a spiritualist shared with me the idea that the hole is there so as to allow you the finder to imbue the stone with whatever quality of yours you wish it to possess. I like that. It comforts me. But then again, I have always kept rocks--and wood, and rusty metals--in my living environment.

So as I leave that blemish of a letter "p" to adorn my post like that scarlet "A" of Hawthorne's, I hope you will look upon it not with disgust, but with the unvarnished human qualities of grace and kindness. And while I'm sure it is not my first blogging error, nor will it be my last, I will continue to work on my psyche and my "writer's spelling curse" if you will indulge in the appreciation of the occasional "untied knot".

The Kings Are Dead: Ex-Rex

It seems only fitting that it is during the week of the anniversary of Elvis Presley's death that Burger King has decided to part ways with their mascot, the "Burger King". First off, no one wants Vincent Pryce dressed as Henry VIII selling them burgers. Secondly, the character's shiny face and odd expression put one somewhat in mind of a person suffering a heart attack.

There are mascots that I love--the San Diego Chicken, the Philly Phanatic, Stanford's Tree--but for every entertaining figure, there must be at least a half-dozen ill-conceived icons. Of course Ronald McDonald is creepy, he's a clown, that's all they can be. But what about Reddi-wip's dominatrix fruit lady, Mr. Clean's aryan Buddy Epsen, and the hideous blow-up Oklahoma Sooner dude in the over-alls? Sorry OU folks but, eew.

So farewell Liege, and may you find your reward in that great meat grinder in the sky. Oh, and Michele Bachmann is throwing you a birthday party at The Beacon in Spartanburg, SC, so don't be late.

WARNING: My Mind Is Open

I'm afraid I'm a little off my "talking points rocker" today, as it has come to my attention that I am currently: against Elizabeth Warren for Senate in Massachusetts, interested in what Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell has to say, and in agreement with Charles Krauthammer's opinion in today's Washington Post.

I'll just let that all sink in for a moment...

I like Elizabeth Warren. She's a bright woman who should have been allowed to serve in the consumer economic office she herself conceived. And if she wants to be in the Senate, that's great. Just not in Massachusetts, please. Maybe she could move to Nebraska, Missouri, or Louisiana and run where we could actually use a real Democratic senator. For while I do not agree with him all the time, I've been pleasantly surprised with Scott Brown's (R-MA) voting record. He seems to be thoughtful and deliberative, and I'm comfortable with him in that hallowed seat.

I was not happy when "Bob's For Jobs" McDonnell won office in Virginia shortly after Presidenet Obama carried the state in the general, but cannot refute the fact that he took a big deficit and turned it into more than $500 million in surplus. He even chided Rick Perry's "anti-climate science" comments on Morning Joe today. Good for him. He seems to be a nice enough guy. But my problem with him and the other "Jobs Gov.", Perry of Texas, is that they do not go much beyond saying their states harbor a "business-friendly" environment. Now to me, that is code for "anti-labor" and "right-to-work". So when Governor Bob went on to say that the reason so many US children are in poverty is that there are too many one-parent families, I had to wonder how many of those kids are in the homes of workers who "benefitted" from those "new jobs" recently created. Just what kind of jobs are we talking here and what, if any, are the benefits offered? I have my own ideas.

(I do need to interject a note on Perry's "trail talk" in which he told a child that in Texas they teach both creationism and evolution because "evolution has some holes in it". Of course they do not mandate that teaching approach as it would RIGHTLY be unconstitutional, but as the child's mom so aptly put it: "Ask him why he doesn't believe in science." And while I would never knee-cap a Rain Dancer--my great-grandmother was Cherokee--I don't think the Governor of Texas should turn solely to prayer when faced with catastrophic droughts. Maybe that's what Bush was attempting in those first few days after Hurricane Katrina.)

I will admit that this is not the first time I've agreed with Charles Krauthammer. It pains me to say so, but there it is. In his current column in The Washington Post, he discusses two points which have been bothering me:
1. President Obama has yet to lay out a specific plan for entitlement reform.
2. The President wants to end the surge in Afghanistan in September of next year, right before the election.
If the incumbent was a Republican, I would be all over them for these two sins--one of omission and one of commission--and I should hold Mr. Obama to the same criticism. I don't know that he is using the polls as his guide nor consulting the election day clock on these matters, but the optics aren't the best and cause me to call these points into question. I believe we do need to give President four more years, but he cannot get re-elected if he refuses to take charge in his first term in office.

Letting the Congress, especially this Congress take the lead is, in my opinion, his worst decision so far in office. I hope he surprises me in September and takes the reigns of this run-away horse of state because that pony needs to be tamed. If he chooses to stay in the comfort of the barn and "make political hay", then we may be faced with another Republican administration in January of 2013, and you know how I feel about cowboy presidents.

In a recent interview in The National Review, Alan Simpson (R-WY, Ret.) said that if your horse dies and you don't get off, you're crazy. I would add to that by saying if you don't lead your horse in a charge while he's alive, then you really haven't made much of a case for keeping yourself in the saddle.

Would you like to play a game?

Can you match the weird phrases with their "explanative" answers?

1. Chippenseal~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~a. What Gerrard Depardieu heard on the plane.
2. Money4nuthin~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~b. Not a sofa made of aquatic mammals, my new road.
3. I'mnottawatch~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~c. What CBC sees in President's Little River Tour.
4. Bylowsellouthigh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~d. Why Christine O'Donnell left the show early.
5. UrinerowP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~e. What "The Situation" managed to swing.




(Insert the thinking music from "JEOPARDY" here as you muse over your responses...in other words, as you try to figure out what the heck all that is trying to say to you.) Dah dah dah dah dah dah dah...dah dah dah dah DAH, dah-dah-dah-dah-dah.  Dah dah dah dah dah dah dah...DAH, dah dah dah, DAH, DAH, DAH, boom-boom.




Time's up!
1. b
2. e
3. d
4. c
5. a

And to think, those aren't even the stupidest stories of the week! I feel another Cockeyed Gazette coming on before too much longer! (But I will try not to focus on the new road...it might fall "flat".)

Intermission: An Emotional X-Ray

Insomnia is a dangerous thing. It taps you on the brain and says, "Hey, I cannot tell you why, but I need you to come with me for a little while." And you get up, go looking for Marley's ghost and rattling chains, then stretch out in front of the TV and let osmosis take over.

My nocturnal journey had two destinations: CNN's "Piers Morgan Tonight" and MSNBC's "The Last Word". At my first stop I listened to Penn Jillette (of the magic act Penn & Teller) try to discuss his atheism with Morgan who was having none of it. I listened as Jillette patiently countered Morgan's assumptions about him, and as Morgan laid out his emotional investment in the issue. All was well, or as expected, until Jillette said the following: "I love proselytizing." He went on to use the example of the Jehovah's Witnesses who go door-to-door touting their beliefs. This is where I come up against it as I am not all that comfortable with proselytizing. It goes back to childhood experiences which I do not care to elaborate on at this juncture, but this did make me question my own degree of open-mindedness or evolution, if you will. Yes, you absolutely should be able to be who you are with everyone, without having to delve into a closet full of masks for all groups or occasions, without having to "soften the blow of you" to certain people in your social orbit. As a blogger and writer, this is a wall I bang my head on nearly daily.

My second stop found Chris Hayes of "The Nation" standing in for the unexplainably attractive Lawrence O'Donnell on "The Last Word". Chris was interviewing a lesser known candidate for the Republican nomination for POTUS, Buddy Roemer (R-LA). And Roemer was making a hell of a lot of sense on campaign finance reform. He has limited his endorsers to contributions of $100 max and he gave examples of "checks setting the agenda" on both sides--Republican and Democratic. He went on to explain that "liberals" would prefer the issue be solved with spending limitations, "conservatives" with disclosure dictates--which would plow the field for a "good debate" in his opinion. After that segment, Chris said, in a short commentary, that giving Rick Perry attention for his Bernanke comment is exactly what the candidate is hoping for, that it is part of his strategy.

So I'm left with dueling late-night lessons: "Say everything" and "Say little or nothing". For if I put my money on Penn's philosophy of telling my truth always then won't I, at times, speak before the facts are in, before considering all the facets of opinion, before deciding whether or not I'm playing the part of the pawn? How do you not over-think it all; how do you not end up just "screwing yourself into the ground" as I like to put it?

Or you could take this approach: There are times when I know I "say my truth" by saying nothing at all, for there are times when the path toward enlightenment and growth is to just "let it ride". The challenge is to try to guess which situation is which--a talkie or a silent--for at least a majority of the time. We all remember times we wish we'd spoken up and times we wish we'd have shut up. Perhaps there's some use in sorting that list for yourself, in pondering which circumstance you tend to find yourself in most and which of those choices most bothers you.

For my part, I'll continue to struggle happily along with my head-vs-wall routine. The bruises do tend to heal pretty quickly and, with proper care and forgiveness, the X-rays are staying fairly normal. Anyway, none of us are what we seem: We are so much more than that.

Things We Would Not Eat, On-A-Stick

Oh, Iowa State Fair: Let us pay homage to your culinary bravery today with a list of things we would not choose to consume if they were offered to us on a stick. (The short people are helping me with this one.)

1. Fish stick on a stick--too complicated
2. Shrimp on a stick--(though it would give you the toothpick for cleaning up after)
3. Green salad on a stick--unless it was fried into a ball and dipped in salad dressing
4. Fried liver on a stick--or not on a stick, or anywhere
5. Stuffing on a stick--though pulling the stick out of the turkey would be amusing
6. Soft pretzels on a stick--would look like a scepter (and I just discovered the soft pretzel's calorie count!)
7. Pie on a stick--really, you can picture this, right? (No, then think balancing dishes on a stick.)
8. Watermelon on a stick--it would have to be a broom stick and then you'd get stuck sweeping later
9. Corn-on-the-cobb on a stick--see number 1
10. Slushie on a stick--if you didn't drown, you'd attract a lot of bees (also coffee, or soda, or tea on a stick)

There is one more matter we should attend to, as we left a man behind in the late day shadows of an Iowa sunset. No, not a consumer of the Fried-Butter-On-A-Stick, though no doubt we'll have lost a few of those before long, but the quieter of the "Minnesota Twins", Tim Pawlenty--or "T-Paw" as his campaign tried to call him.

I didn't think third place was that bad for him, I actually think you could look at the results this way: Bachmann and Paul tied for first (by a mere difference of 152 votes), and T-Paw came in second. I mean, Santorum is thrilled with fourth place and Young Tim is a goner. Probably the money. Or maybe two Minnesotans in one race was just too much for the electorate to handle.

We'll miss you Pawlenty...until you turn up on someone's ticket as the VP candidate. Come on, he's the John Edwards of the Republican Party, except without the whole extra family bit, and he's bound to be asked.

So goodbye Tim, goodbye sticks, goodbye giant cow made of butter--
We'll miss your smile, your might, your choking cholesterol.
And while we search for our choice again--
We'll have to make do with "I Can't Believe It's Not Tim".

Just Too Easy

Somedays you don't even have to run your idea past the boss.

Robert Gibbs is having one of those days today because yesterday in Iowa, Rick Perry professed his love of country, saying: "I'm in love with America". Now Perry's love may be the fleeting type--like the one Newt has for his wives--but you cannot say it isn't forgiving. Doesn't it seem like it was just yesterday when Governor Perry was considering taking his ball and going home...seceding from our beloved Union?

Gibby, while you're juggling that softball, I've got a Perry bumper sticker idea for ya:

"America, love it AND leave it."

Somedays it's just too darned easy.

Enter-Poll

Last week's poll--from whom do you deep secrets--turned up results in three categories: spouse won the day, with parents and children following after.

To me, "secrets" really means white lies or "the things you really don't need to know because you won't like them". And as far as those go, I think whether we realize it or not, we keep those from everyone. I only concern myself with two types of secrets:
*Keeping info from me that I really should have had, and
*The stuff that for some reason I keep from myself

This week we'll go for a couple of silly polls: One about you and one about me. And hey, after the last few weeks of crappy news, we can all use a laugh, right?

Bachmann-Perry Overdrive

As I was sitting down to read over Rick Perry's SC remarks just now, a horse-and-buggy went down our street. A horse-and-buggy, I tell you! Yes it's a rural area, but no, that is not a normal sighting in these parts. A front-end loader, a tractor, a hay truck, a snow plow, sure, but not more-than-one-century-old transportation, even here. I sent the kids out into the street to have a gander, and while they were impressed, I think the dogs got more out of it than the kids.

Now, on with the show, this is it. Geez, what a day for American politics. It's like we're supposed to have forgotten what the last decade was like. Perry's main points made in a speech to a conservative bloggers' forum sponsored by "Red State", was that we need to do four things:
1) balance the budget (I've made numerous comments on this idiocy; feel free to read them.)
2) lower tax rates (Yeah, 'cuz it's worked out so well now for all these years.)
3) have less regulation (Again, worked so well. Talk to anyone who used to work on Wall Street and can afford to tell you the truth. And there was that whole oil spill thing, too.)
4) cut out frivolous lawsuits
Do any of these four seem to be getting at anything other than making the US a "right-to-work" nation? Is there anything in there for the poor or the middle class? (And is there going to be any light between those two for much longer?) Is there anything in there that is not written for the express purpose of making the sailing smooth for corporations? Add the business community to the Congress on the list of "entities allowed to operate without accountability to the people".

Perry also promises that when he gets to DC he'll fulfill his obligation to NOT make any friends, because as you can tell, that's working like a charm these days. Let's just all sit in our little corners and flick boogers at the other kids. Let's vow not to talk so that we can get things done.

He also wants the federal government to be "inconsequential" in our daily lives. Really. Oh sure, as long as you do not happen to be gay, born outside the borders, an ill or raped pregnant woman, a non-Christian, without healthcare, or too damned poor to be assessed an income tax. (He complains about the folks who "don't pay income taxes" not realizing that because they work for Wal-Mart or some other franchise in one of those terrific "right-to-work" states, they don't make enough to qualify for even the lowest tax rate. He should know this however, as a large chunk of the Texas population is living in poverty--sorry, I mean "tax-free government-freeloading" status. Lucky bastards. Oh, and I guess all those corporations that pay no taxes are A-OK with Ricky. I'm looking at you, General Electric.) When men can get pregnant and Republicans don't "prey" on everyone with their theocratic ideologies, talk to me about government not "micro-managing" our lives.

Perry also says we need to invest (I wasn't aware that word was allowed in the Repub's lexicon) in education. Uh-huh. Specifically in the areas of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. And if you choose to attempt to read the text of his comments, you'll understand why Language Arts, or as we old timers called it, "English", is absent from this list.

Things don't get much better when you cast your attention to the center of the country: Ames, Iowa. You've no doubt heard by now that Michele Bachmann (R-MN) won the polling of the straws. (Probably those "silly straws" that loop all around in your drinking glass.) But the light bulb--incandescent of course--went off over their heads and they rallied behind the gal from Waterloo. She'll be meeting up with Rick in Waterloo for dinner tomorrow night. That should be sweet. Maybe Sister Sarah will drop by as well.

Yep, Palin was at the Iowa State Fair today just as she was within miles of Romney when he made his Presidential bid announcement in New Hampshire a few months back. Is she gonna run, or just remain a stalker? Maybe she's the mouse skirting the edges of the room looking for crumbs. Whatever it is, she and Rick were certainly on the same page today, a page which read: "Hey, no, look over here--LOOK AT ME!!"

I am looking, and reading, and hoping like hell that "We don't get fooled again." Oh that's right, "You can't get fooled again." Or so George said. Uncurious George, who next to Perry, looks like he belongs in the Progressive Caucus.

Good grief, I'm almost pining for W. That's how absurd these candidates have become. Remember President's metaphor about the country being the car and the Repubs driving us in the ditch? You think they were in that horse-and-buggy that just passed by? Their ideas certainly belong in that incarnation of the President's metaphor.

Whined and Diened

I can honestly say that the volunteer gig setting up for the wine festival was some of the hardest labor I've performed in quite a while. For though I try to workout an hour a day, and am a fairly physical person beyond that, the work I did in those four hours this morning was exhausting!

I think I set up at least 30 tents including weighting them down against the wind, moved about 100 cases of wine, emptied vehicles (we have 80 vendors this year), set up 40 or more tables, moved chairs and tables, did some vehicular crowd control, did some troubleshooting for vendors, etc. I was soaked with sweat by the time I was done. And I rode there and back on my bike--roughly twenty minutes each way. (Uphill only one way, thank googlie eyes!)

But it was fun, very rewarding, and made for a superb workout. (So it's okay that after I got home and recovered from the dehydration headache--which I had even though I drank two bottles of water and a quart of green tea--I polished off an entire bag of Doritos. Surely I burned off a few hundred calories in those four hours. That'll help me cut into the 1800 calories in the chip bag. Servings, schmervings.) I made some new friends and ran into several old ones. It's a beautiful sunny, breezy day, so hopefully folks will crowd into the park, sample lots of wine, and purchase even more.

There's no better way to feel that neat community connection than to get out there, stake your claim to the town, and be memorably kind, humorous, and helpful. And if you happen to believe in Karma, you could probably rack up some "just in case" points there, too.

...I'll get back with you later once the Iowa Straw Poll results are in, and once I've had some time to let the whole damned Rick Perry foolishness sink in. Until then, read my post entitled "Where The Hell Do I Start, Bucko?" as it deals with Perry's folly and I happen to think it's one of my very best postings.

Salut, Tiger

Woke up to a floater this morning...Tiger. I called this particular goldfish "Damnation" because I call all things with spots Damnation, but he/she also had stripes and the kids called him/her "Tiger".

We've had short-timers off and on over the years, but these three goldfish we have now have been with us for more than two years, so this is not a "burial at sea" occasion but a burial. Now the kids have something to do while I'm volunteering at the wine festival. (That's not as cold-hearted as it seems; my kids take such matters as very serious calls to action, and answering the call empowers them for some reason.)

So goodbye, Tiger, and thank you for hanging out with us these last years. I'm sure "Goldie" and "Ralphie" will miss you in their own little fishy way.

And remember, like those noisy 101 dogs, you will always be "Damnation" to me. (Jeepers, there's that 101 again. See, did I tell you or did I tell you. The "string theory" continues...)

Weirding Out in the Breakfast Foods Aisle

I've been doing a lot of studying before launching out for the weekly grocery trek lately and it has proven to be a good investment of time. This week alone I saved 51% on my grocery order and 55% on my school supplies. In other words, I made $250 bucks this week just by burning up a few hours going through ads, coupons, and spending nearly four hours in just those two stores.

I was buying those groceries about three hours ago, and a good forty-five minutes into my foraging, a song came over the sound system. But it wasn't just any song, it was one of my five favorite all-time songs from childhood. And it was one that used to spark little tiny seizures--the kind where you "go away" for a while--or at least it did after that slight head injury I sustained when the old man on drugs hit Mama and me as we drove to buy my Daddy a bible for his birthday. That can only happen in the South, by the way. We call it "pathos" or Tuesday.

So the song comes on and immediately all the little oatmeal and big cereal boxes begin their retreat into a hazy background. I feel "good" about this, but at the same time, I was glad I was only driving a shopping cart. This song that evidently still has such a hold on me is Steely Dan's "Rikki Don't Lose That Number". Suddenly it was 1974 and Donald Fagan was serenading me up and down the aisles and around those sharp bends at the endcaps. By the time I got to the chip aisle, I was deep into my own "Pretzel Logic".

Then it got worse. It got weirding-out-solemn-broken-hearted-unrequited-lovers-in-unfortunate-polyester-clothing worse.  We regressed two years to '72, to Three Dog Night and that lonesome song of girls who die in car accidents before their 16th birthday: "Pieces of April". I thought of widows in black clapboard houses, overgrown stagnant vines, and all the dreamers who never lived their dreams. Dear gad it was like washing yourself in rusty pus. I'm not knocking the song, and I'll never possess enough talent to knock a '70s supergroup, but damn that thing is creepy rainy sad.

I knew I'd had one of those "something's whispering in your ear" experiences when I got home as I looked at the receipt. Sure, I'd saved more than I'd spent which was nice. Then I saw the little line of information just above my savings chart: "Number of Items Sold". I bought entirely different items this week than last with a very few exceptions. I always plan different meals for a new week so as to escape culinary boredom. And I had a billion coupons and store savings specials, making the amount spent this week way different than the amount spent last week. And still, same as last week, I purchased 101 items.

My old address growing up was 101--physical and mailing. I think I must've cocked my head--the way my dogs and Kevin Spacey do--when I read that little line. I stayed inside and played games? I don't know. I'll keep the receipt in a memory bouquet. Until at least, next May.

"Shambala" anyone?

Master Debaters: Playing Crazy Eights

Last night Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs descended upon Iowa State University, looking to garner enough crazy points to come in at the coveted Number Two spot in the field of GOP hopefuls. (By this time tomorrow, Rick Perry will grab the scepter and run away from the pack, unless he decides to do a Fred Thompson impersonation.)

So how'd they do? While the evening was loaded with material, I've chosen the real stand-out moments for me and awarded one point for each. Here, in ascending order of craziness, are the cockeyed results:

TIED AT 1 CRAZY POINT APIECE (or THE BRONZE):
*Ron Paul ("Cranky")--said that we needed to "change the environment for business" when we should really "change business for the environment"
*Tim Pawlenty ("Snorey")--bragged about having shut down Minnesota's government for the first time in 150 years. Oh yeah, there's a shortage of that type of bravado in DC!
*Hermain Cain ("Feary")--promised no Sharia Law in the USA. I know we were all real preoccupied with that one right now.

TIED AT 2 CRAZY POINTS APIECE (or THE SILVER):
*John Huntsman ("Stiffy")--thinks our economic woes spring from an overbearing EPA. Hey, maybe he chose to move his company's jobs to China so he could enjoy the pollution there. Man, they got us beat in everything! He also committed the unforced error of saying "de-fault" over and over. You wanna accent that second syllable, dude. And in case it ever comes up in conversation H-man, we are currently engaged in "Ear Rock", not "Eye Rack". (Sorry I got distracted. I blame my inner linguist.)
*Mitt Romney ("Lonely")--though he was ignored most of the night--much to his delight--he's probably even happier that John Huntsman made his look downright bubbly. His errors? Well, he was proud of having created more jobs than President Obama, but said nothing about the fact that he's also sent more jobs packing than President Obama. Then there's this little nugget. (This one just kills me.) If you saw the following--"I USA"--on a tee shirt, you might think it was something cool. But in Romneyland it stands for "Individual Unemployment Savings Accounts". Yeah, right. Wasn't it stupid enough when W's idea of "Bushcare" was to have folks save their own money for medical expenses? (haah, haah, haah--I'm doing the Jon Stewart thing with my hands now) Well Romney wants the unemployed to have money stashed away for a rainy day when they're standing there sopping wet and near drowning. 'Cuz you know, first thing I do when I lose is job is rush to the bank to put money in my account! After all, it's not wars, Wall Street liars, or greedy execs dragging our country's economy down, it's those damned freeloading unemployed families whining for groceries and shoes. Please people; why so selfish?

Dah, Dah, Dah DAH!! And now, the evening's big weiners...I mean "winners" of course.

TIED AT FOUR BIG CRAZY POINTS APIECE (or THE GOLD!):
*MICHELLE BACHMANN ("S'no Way-ite")--complained that we're servicing the debt with 42 cents out of every dollar. I think when people do that it's called a mortgage! Oh, but I guess she wouldn't know too much about those. And I doubt the concept of a strict Balanced Budget Amendment would go over well with the folks in Joplin or Tuscaloosa these days, either. (There's that damned rainy day again.)
Staying on the topic of our economy, Snowy then went on to say that, "See, yeah, uh-huh, yay me, the S&P proved me right about that whole debt ceiling thing!" Talk about revisionist recent history, her "re-"take on it is that the S&P downgraded us because they knew we couldn't pay our debts and therefore exonerated her for voting against the ceiling hike. Nice try, you sneaky little booger, but the S&P downgraded us because our pols are idiots! The only debt we can't pay is our debt to our own society to have a more sane government. UGH, woman! Then she tried to say that Tim Pawlenty forced her to vote for a cigarette tax in order to save the unborn. And no, it really doesn't get any clearer with explanation. Suffice to say, she didn't like the cigarette tax and she didn't like the implied "leaner protection" for the unborn Pawlenty attatched to the legislation. So she had to vote for the bill. Told you it wouldn't come any clearer. And finally, (drink blowing through your nose warning here--put down that Coke Zero!) when confronted with the fact that she has not gotten one bill through the Congress during her tenure, she said she's been "at the tip of the spear"fighting President Obama, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid over their democratic agenda. "I sponsored the 'Lightbulb Freedom of Choice Act'" she screamed out to the crowd. Lightbulbs. Thanks for reminding us. One of the last things we picture when we think of you is lightbulbs, that's for sure.
Mea culpa: I really should take one crazy point away from Michelle-shocked for having to put up with a questioner asking whether she would "submit" to her husband if elected President. What year is this?
*NEWT GINGRICH ("Nostalgy")--that's right, it's 1951 and Joe McCarthy has just taken over the HUAC hearings, right? Well that's what figgy-Newton thinks. He thinks it is perfectly reasonable--as a matter of fact we should embrace the idea--to investigate whether or not everyone in the government is loyal to the country. Nostalgy also wants to bring back the Army Draft Board, but not for selective service duties. He wants a draft board-styled committee to decide which immigrants get to stay in the US and which folks get the dreaded 4-F. Good luck with those "Red Probe" and "Draft Board" thingys, old timer. Did you forget how McCarthy ended up? Three years after he took over the House Un-American Activities Committee he was censured by the Senate. Three years after that he died from cirrhosis. Just saying. Nostalgy's other two points come for criticizing the Fox Folks for asking "gotcha questions", and for saying the FED went bad (like a rotten egg?) in the late 90s and that President Raygun had the economy right. So Newt gets kicked out of town and the FED goes to hell. Oh-kay. And Raygun was good for the economy? Remind me again, when did all this deficit start piling up? Oh yeah, I remember now. Newt however, does not.
*RICK SANTORUM ("Creepy")--when discussing his no abortion, no way, no how stand, Creepy Ric-Santo said this: "One violence is enough for the fetus of rape". But I guess that one violence isn't enough for the raped woman or girl. What a swell guy. Then he continually said it was wrong to "tranquil" people's rights. I have no...I suppose he meant "trample", but I would imagine that's a malapropism he keeps in a special place for the unemployed and the poor. Damned tramples! And I would like to have some clarification on this one, perhaps even a diagram with directions, but the man maintains that you can smoke mushrooms. And Creepy Rick's final point was earned when he not once, but several times brought up polygamy, right there on the stage with Main Mormon and Mormon-lite. That's just ugly, dirty pool. Then again, so is not being able to Google your own last name. Touche, I suppose.

Oh, Republican'ts: You had me at the 10th Amendment. You really didn't ALL have to raise your hands in unanimous agreement that a ratio of 10 dollars in spending cuts to 1 dollar in revenue increases was unacceptable! From the moment that first game show bell dinged, telling you your time to speak was through, I already knew that this silly fight to be Rick Perry's back-up band was unnecessary.

You guys! Don't you know? To me you are all NUMBER TWO! xoxoxo

Another Breakfast for Kids Idea

This worked out pretty well this week, too. Take a giant dollop of that yummy Greek yogurt, add some lite whipped topping, a smattering of a liquid sweetener (anything from agave to corn syrup), fresh fruit--I used pineapple--ground flax seed, and wheat germ. Put that in a blender and blend until smooth. Add powdered sugar if added sweetness or a thicker consistency is desired. Pour into a crust you've made from graham crackers and a little butter, having baked the crust for about 10 minutes at 350 degrees, before cooling. Top with more fresh fruit. Let that set in the fridge--or you can "soft-freeze" it for a short time. Makes a nice pie or breakfast dish to which you can add nuts, uncooked oatmeal, cinnamon, dried fruit, or a cereal for crunch.

I'll be trying some new ideas with cakes tomorrow, so I'll keep you appraised. Happy baking!

Where the Hell Do I Start, Bucko?

"No More Cowboy Presidents" was the phrase a fellow Coloradan painted on a sign on his ranch a few years back. I wonder if he still has it up or if the wind, sun, rain, and snow have erased the urgency of his plea.

If that sign's not up it should be because this weekend--in South Carolina--Rick Perry (R-Tx, Governor) is going to announce his run for the Republican Party nomination for POTUS. Good crapping grief! Really, do we need to see that movie again? How could anyone with synapses choose to endure a third Bush presidency? Or another Texas governor? (Ann Richards excluded, may she rest in peace.)

Ten Things Rick believes:
1. It's okay to discriminate against non-heterosexuals.
2. Nobody cares if you have a massive number among you who are uninsured.
3. Nobody cares even less if you have a huge contingent of people in poverty.
4. Tax cuts, no regulations, and closing NO loopholes is good fiscal policy.
5. Christianity is the only valid religion.
6. He hears voices.
7. There is no wall between church and State.
8. We don't need a wall on the border with Mexico. (And good for him on this one.)
9. Immigrants have the right to an education. (Again, good for him.)
10. Guns is good. But then again, so is any form of cap'tal punishment.

We've all suffered through lousy sequels--and my couple of dear Texas friends, I'm sorry--but do we want to go anywhere near a presidential candidate who could hold the reigning title of Governor of Texas for 11 years? (Believe me, I'd say the same thing about any other hard-right leaning state's executive, especially if that state toyed with or actually followed through on seceeding...Hi, my S.C. pals!)

Please tell me that we've grown out of this rebellious ignorance-is-bliss stage in our national dialogue. Tell me we've overcome our terrible twos: You know, using the word "no" a lot. Oh, and the crappy father-and-son presidencies: Yes, John Adams, I cared a great deal for you in my youth, but I cannot get past that whole "Alien and Sedition Act" folly. And J. Quincy was downright conservative compared with you. Now with cousins I have no problem. I love both Roosevelts so much so that two of my dogs are named for them.

My fellow Americans please, oh please, do not let us go into that dark night of the Dark Ages again! And my fellow Southern-born folks please don't be fooled by these false prophets nor false apostles. Finally, my fellow Westerners, don't stare at the shine of his gun and the gait of his walk. Those effects are meant to enthrall you, hypnotize you, draw you in. If Reagan wasn't bad enough for you think Bush. Think the burning bush if that helps--but for gosh sakes think about what we're still left cleaning up after that last horse rode through town.

And let that be a sign unto you. A sign which hopefully still proudly stands under a pure blue Colorado sky, reading: "No More Cowboy Presidents".

Nancy to the Rescue!

Thank whatever you do or do not believe in for Nancy Pelosi for we now have actual, bona fide DEMOCRATS on the Super Committee!

The former (and hopefully soon-to-be-again Speaker) spoke with the only true voice on the matter, no thanks to Harry Reid who I'm sure is sincere, but didn't exactly appoint any "fellow pugilists". But Nancy gave us three pretty darn good advocates: Rep. Becerra (D-Ca.), Rep. Van Hollen (D-Md.), and Rep. Clyburn (D-SC).

I've already enumerated my affection for James "Jim" Clyburn in this space, and I will tell you that he is one of three South Carolinians of whom I am most proud. Here are those three very special people:

     *Mr. Clyburn
     *Stephen Colbert
     *Eugene Robinson

I think "Gene" is my favorite. That man is just charming and brilliant. I absolutely adore him! I've probably gushed this before as well, but what a wondrous speaking voice. I could listen to him forever.

So thank you Ms. Nancy! When I was young the local "Romper Room" lady was Miss Nancy, and I'm glad that like her, you took out your little mirror and looked out at the throng, always magically speaking the right names. Perhaps we Progressives can now breathe a small sigh of relief that there is some diversity and democracy among the "Dirty Dozen".
    

Is There Politics On Other Planets?

(From the wired reports:) NASSA, the National Aireheads and Spaced Sciences Assininetion, has discovered politics on other planets! Seems conditions are right just about everywhere above and below for this special type of activity.

For example, on the planet CREEP they seem to get the upper hand on their foes by poking fun at their competitor's fashion sense. (Imagine such foolishness ever working on Earth!) On the planet BACHMANN campaign staffers complain whenever their candidate is pictured on the cover of a magazine looking excited. They say "excited" is crazy. (This theory we might be able to agree on.) And on the planet BAUCUS they award selling out and failing with bigger and better appointments. (No way Earthlings would ever contemplate that one!)

Luckily these planets are light-years behind and away from the majority of those of us on Earth who expect our politicians to aim higher. Political attacks based on skinny jeans? While the point is debated on CREEP and roundly denied, as observers we can only hope this to be a false report. And calling into question the tactics of a BACHMANN magazine photographer saying he made the person who said all pols should be investigated to determine whether or not they were loyal to their planet/country seem crazy by showing her eyes? Her staff should complain that the photo included her mouth.  And compromise is good and necessary on BAUCUS, but it helps to have two sides to begin with.

So keep your eyes on the skies this August--that's when the political planets experience solar-type flare-ups; they call them town halls. And they can get pretty testy, I'm told. If you experience a glitch in your satellite communications activities this month, now you'll know why: They're mandating, consternating, and capitulating again.

Don't you wish NASSA would find intelligent political life? Shame others aren't as advanced as we are.

Criminals Need Not Apply

My state has a tourism problem: Criminals.

First it was the Texas Seven, now the Dougherty Three. But as we say in the West, we got the drop on them all. But why do these man-hunted folks have to trek our way? A local guy commented on the story which ran on the newspaper's online edition by saying that people with troubles always run to the mountains. Gee, that's comforting.

Maybe the word will circulate in the about-to-bust-out-of-prison and the oops-gotta-run circles that the Centennial State ain't the place you wanna head to--the cops are just too wiley, the roads are twisty, and in a state with more cows than people, we tend to notice strangers. Though if you were gonna hide in Colorado, doing it in a Subaru is certainly the best way to blend in.

So much as we'd like to have your business, if you're a criminal, you will not get a friendly welcome. And I think we'll quit sending those travel brochures to all the state prisons around the country. Oh, and the Convention and Visitor's Bureau is gonna nix those "Lose Yourself Here" ads too. Our demographic target audience isn't turning out to be quite what we had in mind.

And the cows are getting restless again...

Which Characters Do You See? hrgequihwlsjz

This is a test of the Blogger Alert System. Any computers or pretend people out there will need to type the special code above in order to access my brilliance (read: inane tomfoolery).

Real people: No need for panic, this is only a test.

Thanks.

Sunny Side Up (or Shaken, Not Stirred)

Today I'm not going to talk about the news, though there's plenty of material there to be sure. Rather, I'm going to talk about the sort of stuff that can really get you into trouble: feelings and truth (or at least the truth as one sees it to be).

I've been surprised a lot lately, and disappointed a bit as well. Things did not go as expected on several fronts, but instead of finding myself hurt or angered by these events, I'm choosing to read the tea leaves of what these occurrences have to tell me.

It's appropriate that with Summer meshing into Fall, I am attempting to turn one set of circumstances into another. I am reminded of the conversation I had earlier in the week with a very dear friend who had just gotten some "bad" or disappointing news. She'd already come to this conclusion for herself which I knew to be correct and found to be inspiring: she knew that what had happened would likely be, in the long run, for the best. And she even gathered new information about herself and her future from this "bad" news. She now realizes there are options available that she had not seen clearly before. If you are familiar with the "Maybe, Maybe Not" wisdom tales from the Buddhist tradition, you know of what I speak.

And it's like that for me now. What is my reaction telling me about myself: my wishes and my reality, what I want for myself and how I choose to use my limited attention span? This is not to be confused with making lemonade out of lemons. I see the damned citrus sitting there and I've sat down with it too. It has covered me with its sticky sting and tried to sour me, so I'm not blissing out of the reality. But I am choosing to say this: "You know what? I can only control myself and any power I attempt to wield beyond that is futile and stupid, and a giant waste of my time and energy!" (I try not to yell such things in the canned goods aisle too often.) The other thing I'm NOT saying is that dumb-assed and rusty old saw, which I believed for quite a number of years, things happen for a reason. NO, they do not.

Stephen King once wrote or spoke of his view on this in the terms of "the random" and "the purposed". I'd put it this way: Some things happen because it is in their nature to occur at just such a time and other things are absolutely random, in all likelihood because one of us went where we we're supposed to be or acted in a way that was not in our plans. Sh*t happens, in other words. Our job is to use the compost wisely.

So that which you do not let get under your skin can tap into your mind and open your eyes to just what it is that makes you "you". Just because something hits you out of nowhere doesn't mean that the blow won't leave a really helpful bruise. Another alias this principle goes by is this: those things we do not learn through love we are taught by pain. Hey, a lesson's a lesson no matter who is standing at the dry erase board, staring you down for an answer.

I'll leave you with this (and please remind me I said this when I forget next time): Let the parade of emotions wash over you if you can before leaping to conclusions much less action. Unless someone's pointing a gun at you, give it a few days to stew and go through its contortions. You only know what you can see in front of you and if you give yourself a broader vantage point you'll probably come out of the experience a lot better than you went into it. In short, let people screw up and try to remember all the times when they didn't.

Post Marks (or Mile Posts)

I just realized that I've reached a milestone today as my last post was number 100.

One hundred posts: there should be some little poof with magical colored chalk dust and tiny paper strings, or some rolling over of the numbers like the odometer, or a sad little dancing clown with a tiny money in his outstretched hand.

On second thought, I'll just pat myself on the head and wander back into the burrow they keep me in until I am allowed computer access. I don't mind too much, all the people in my head keep me well-occupied during the down time.

So here's to number one-oh-one and the symmetry of "palindromatic" numbers!

100100100100100100100100100100100100101001001001001001001001001001001001001

No News is Good News...But

As I posited on Friday, last week was bad, but the weekend was even worse. To the downgrade of our nation's credit rating, we had to add the much more impactful human story of the tragic loss of 30 members of the US military in an attack on their helicopter in Afghanistan. They perished alongside Afghan military troops as well. It was the deadliest attack on US troops in the 10-year long war.

And now the downgrades continue with Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac joining the untoward fold. Add to that the fact that the Dow is down nearly 500 points as I post this and the Nasdaq and the S&P 500 are both down very sharply.

I was in conversation yesterday with a septagenarian who feared that the usual cycle of "good times" followed by "lean times" was permanently stuck at "lean". He asked my opinion, and I told him that unlike those other recent decades in our history, this was not a generational, every twenty years-type of cycle, but a century-type of event: not a phase but an era. The difference to me is that while all the cyclical causalities are in place, they are at present joined by the vast and desperate need to re-invent ourselves as a people and an economy.

Think Industrial Revolution: Everything had to be re-imagined in order for the economy to reshape itself for the times, for the coming Twentieth Century. Inventors came at us like little children clamoring for our attention, and we gave it. Now we need the inventors and investors to pay attention again. We have to lay the groundwork for the next revolution...The Green Wave, for lack of a more appropriate moniker. We have to meld our society into one that not only accepts change but demands it. And cannot stop at the need to remake our thoughts and feelings about jobs and industry, but also about people as our demographics change now as powerfully as they did during the immigration heydey of the early 20th Century. We did pretty well with our immigrant population then, and we can do so again, if we only commit to doing so.

And slumping in the shadow of all this rhetoric, a philosophy of commerce if you will, is a muted heartbreak half a world away. For in the past three months 29,000 children under the age of 5 have perished in Somalia. That's nearly 10,000 little kids every month. I can't even get my mind around such a figure. That's like the entire population of my town dying every month, for three months in a row. That is if the population of my town was made up of small brown starving children.

Yet somehow amid all this horrific news I remain hopeful. I suppose I think of all the things we as a nation and we as a species have come up with in the way of answers to the toughest of questions. We rose from the Dark Ages, we defeated the Nazis, we continue to work to eradicate AIDS, we make beautiful music, art, and books.

Maybe it's because I have kids and I hear daily the inventiveness of their minds and the character of their hearts. And while at the moment we don't have a whole lot to offer them in the way of financial security, perhaps they are a generation who will rise to the fore anyway. Maybe they'll let us "put it on account" while they engage in the quiet work of learning the skills and developing the theories that will, in the coming years of the 21st Century, perhaps just save us all.

Poll Dancing

So no one guessed the correct answer to last week's question: From which of the following has Susan never fallen? Granted "from grace", "out of favor", and "from the height of productivity" were not on the list...and none of you would have chosen them, astute crowd that you are!

The answer was "the stage". I have fallen from a horse, a hill, and a sofa. I've also fallen from the sidewalk (remember the old poll about that wine cooler record?), and down the stairs many, many times. I have numerous MRIs to prove that last one.

This week I've put in more of an opinion poll--or a confessional, if you want to look at it that way--about who it is okay to keep secrets from. I have my own expectations on this front, but I am also aware that few of us, and even fewer of our familiars, ever live up to them. But it would be an interesting study in human nature to glean answers from as many of you as possible.

So think about it this week and feel free to choose multiple answers. Whether you actively keep secrets from your "choices" or just feel it would be acceptable to do so, the results will read the same.

Practice Week

School--and thus the "writing season"--does not start until the end of the month, but this next week will be the practice session for schedules and alarms to come.

The girl child has "get ready for middle school" classes Monday through Friday which begin in the early morning hours. Also on Monday, both kids have registration before that class begins, so we will be getting up almost as early as our 7:30 start times require during the school year. And next weekend, I'm volunteering to help with the early morning set up at the upcoming wine and music festival. (Yeah, tough job, but someone has to do it! HA)

We'll see how it goes attempting to send our flabby, lazy summer daily round off to fit and timely boot camp. Ah Fall, thank goodness for college football!

And at the risk of going all Heloise on your arses, I have a handy-dandy easy, cheap, and mostly healthy breakfast food idea that has worked for me twice now. That's a ringer in my test kitchen.
Here goes:
I start with a box of cake mix or brownie mix, any flavor or variety. Get the store brand as they are usually under a buck. But forget about the eggs and oil and butter. Just dump the mix into a big bowl, add whatever dried fruits, nuts, and other healthy goodies of your choosing. I use dried cranberries flavored or plain, whatever nuts I have on hand, chocolate chips, coconut, ground flax seed, and wheat germ. Then throw in a few spices like ginger, cinnamon, or nutmeg. Add uncooked oatmeal--I use the instant with the cream powder in it for flavor--and just a few tablespoons of sugar--I use the Stevia-based product, Truvia. Those are all your dry goods. For moisture, I use a healthy dollop of Greek yougurt, jam or preserves, and milk. Around here we go with either soy, almond, or coconut milk. Add the wet ingredients until you have a very thick batter consistency, spoon into 24 cupcake tins with liners, and bake as usual. (For me that means 350 degrees for 20 minutes, but I'm at an unusually high altitude, so adjust as you see fit.) This is a great way to get a lot of healthy and breakfast-appropriate items into a small serving, and they'll last you for several mornings. So far so good, as I've done this with a chocolate brownie mix and a strawberry cake mix to much success and approval. And since there are no eggs, no more saying "no" when the small people ask to lick the spoon!

As the old song goes: "School days, school days,
                                     Good old Golden Rule days."

Wish me luck and let them eat cake!!

Show Me The Money

If last week was a rollercoaster, you'd come stumbling off of it swearing, swerving, and hurling as you blew past the souvenir photo booth vowing not to pursue legal action yet determined never to get on it again.

It's always the money. Look at failed marriages, business deals gone bad, storefronts shuttered, medical relief delayed--and those stats are likely all on the uptick given our present economic picture. And it's not just us. Poor Greece is gross and looking for a hand-up, Ireland, Portugal, and Spain are in similar straits, and even the booming Chinese infrastructure industry seems to be slowing. The markets were rotten with the Nikkei and the Hang Seng down sharply, and you saw what the Dow did, especially that 500+ point drop on Thursday. But there are some glinting shards in the broken glass of bad news. The Italian banks have attempted to restructure that country's banking system in recent years and saw their stocks go up this week as a result of investor confidence...but their economic growth rate is nearly flat. Our own stock market is on the rise today (though that is a fluid dynamic to be sure) and we had "better than expected" job numbers...but we're probably still on the lousy, pot hole-ridden road to a double-dip recession.

And all that pressure put on the AWOL Congress seems to have worked for the time being, as the furloughed FAA workers and all those thousands of workers contracted to perform infrastructure improvement projects for the agency may all get to return to work on Monday, with two weeks back pay. It is not finalized yet, but should be sometime today as a little "work around" was thrown in to help Sec. LaHood handle the situation at those 13 rural airports. (Just an aside: If you live near and/or use one of those airports, let me know how it is you could vote for a Republican in the next election cycles.) But we'll be engaged in quite the fight around mid-September, and who knows how the agency will fare then.

And there were some really rotten headlines on the crime front, as well. I throw that in with the money issues because I'm one of those "bleeding heart" types who believes that many crimes are committed in an attempt to rectify an economic hardship. Sure, some people are just whacko, like the mass murderer in Norway, and there's little or nothing to be done about them before they act. But tough financial times drive already angered people toward desperation, and already prejudiced people toward hatred and fear.
Many dynamics are in flux at this moment in history: the economy, demographics, religious fervor (of many types)--all things that could be turned into positives with the right attitude. If we speak out about the economic situation with our fellows, perhaps we could help find local solutions which would find their way to the ears of the powerful higher up. If we embrace multiculturalism and diversity, we stand to learn a hell of a lot more about our world than we would just interacting with people who think like us and look like us. (We would never have had a USA in the first place without multiculturalism and immigration, after all.) And if all that religious fervor could be harnessed into help for the poor, as Mother Teresa espoused, then maybe we could help the kids in Somalia as well as in our own neighborhoods. Times are hard and money is scarce but empathy has no expiration date and is limitless.

One last thing, since we're meeting in this way: Why does it seem that our ever-growing interconnectedness just drives us farther apart? We can sit in our abodes and hammer out our little screeds and reach people we would never have been able to reach prior to our use of communication technology, but do we remember how to talk to the shop-keeper, the traffic cop, or the toll booth operator? It seems that what is dancing on the screen is real and the reality right before our eyes is just another wallpaper or screensaver. All things in moderation, as the Buddha taught. Internet interaction has been a driving force in the "Arab Spring" and that is probably a good thing for the masses. But we should also remember to appreciate the power and beauty of the individual.

I hope you are fortunate enough to have the means to live a comfortable life and that it is a healthy and enjoyable one. Mine is, and I am grateful for it. And as we continue to laugh and scream together virtually, let's not forget those among us who are screaming with need in reality. Let's show them some money, or kindness. And let's hope for the rise of the barter system in those areas where it has gone dormant. For markets can go up and down, but you can never lose a well-honed skill, a talent, or the friend you'll make in sharing them.

Flight Rules

Maybe it's the monsoon, but a weird floating litter of thoughts has descended upon me like tiny ashes from a distant fire or those little paper flowers that issue down from discharged Pop-Pops. This flutter of disparate images has set off a corresponding flurry of smashing and converging realizations, a classic sign of a mental run-off caused by information overload, and has left me wandering in the sproutings of my saturated "mind field".

The writer's number one axiom is "Write what you know", and I believe that to also be the limit to which you should be held responsible. I say that as a caveat for what is to follow, and I hold it as a grace I parse out to others hoping that, when needed, they will afford it equally to me. We know what we know, and we communicate accordingly. If we were all omniscient we would never dare speak nor stroke a keyboard for two reasons: 1) it would be unnecessary, and 2) we would constantly fear causing offense as everything has the possibility to offend someone. On Morning Joe just now, my pal Joe Scarborough (who had the good sense to marry another Susan from S.C.) was reminiscing about today's 30 year anniversary of a particular event during the Reagan presidency. But let's set that aside for a moment. In a  later segment, Chuck Todd referred to the matters left on the table by a fleeing Congress, saying there was a lack of "band-width" among the legislators. Simply put, their heads were full and they went home. And as I stated in the first paragraph here, I know how that feels; it happens to us all.

But here's what I know: Currently, 4,000 FAA-employed families have been trying to figure out how to pay their bills as they've been hit with layoffs because the Repubs and Dems cannot agree on whether or not to allow the agency to spend the money that it has sitting in its coffers. Also, 70,000 FAA-employed construction workers are out of work for the same reason. Now, with the law-makers gone on sabbatical, these folks face the rest of the summer without benefit of a single paycheck.

This fight is over 13 airports and, presumably, labor rights. But let's set the ideology to one side and look at the irrefutable facts: the math. Rep. John Mica (R-FL) is upset that subsidies to 13 rural airports is a waste of  the government's money. Meanwhile the government is losing $200 million in ticket tax revenue each week that this situation continues, and could be on course to lose $1 billion by the time the problem is rectified. With the FAA in limbo, the airlines cannot collect taxes on the tickets they sell. Of course they raised their prices as soon as the stalemate began in order to recoup those funds. And those subsidies to the 13 airports? They cost the government $200 million a year. Same amount the government is losing every week in those uncollectible taxes. And then there are those 74,000 families and their bills. All over John Mica's 13 rural airports.

And just what was that 30 years ago today anniversary I mentioned? Ironically it's the speech President Reagan gave, warning the air traffic controllers that if they did not report to work within 48 hours that they would be terminated, which they were. Sure, many will tell you that the ATC's old union, PATCO, reached too far and expected too much and therefore needed to shoulder some of the blame. But what I know is that thousands of highly-trained workers with jobs critical to the mobility and security of the nation were thrown out of work, work that you cannot hire just anyone off the street to do. And their very specific skill set--vital to their work--doesn't exactly translate "word-for-word" to many other jobs. And aren't we all glad that the generation of controllers who came after them were there on that awful morning nearly 10 years ago to do what had never been tried before and a task for which there was no playbook: a total, immediate shutdown of our entire airspace.

I don't agree on a lot with Joe, but I do appreciate his ability to view most sides of the issues. And as I stated above, I do not hold against a person that which they do not know. But I know that some of those PATCO workers were ruined, and sadly some gave up forever. It pains me with guilt to think of them, of their families, as I realize that I personally benefitted (many years later) from their sacrifice. Nature, and government work, abhors a vacuum and that vast vacancy demanded to be filled.

But let's get back to that playbook. Joe and I are both HUGE college football fans and I once heard an NCAA head coach (and I'm sorry I do not remember who he was) reply to a reporter that his job was nothing compared to that of his son-in-law. It went something like this: "Sure, if I'm over .500 I may well get to go to a bowl game and keep my job. If my air traffic controller son-in-law goes .500, people die and it makes the news." They have to be perfect: every minute, every flight, every day, every time.

It's a solemn anniversary to be sure, and again, my heart goes out to the PATCO families that are no doubt wrestling with more emotions today than I can ever know. But what I do know is that those 74,000 families today are struggling, and their work--though not as well-known as that of the air traffic controllers--is vital still, and the bills will keep coming, and their kids need their school supplies. I wish the "band-width" was just a little bit wider in Washington for those folks' sake. And there are so many other worried and desperate people I'll never even know about and I feel for them too.

That's what I know. That's the view from my side of the street. That's the information I have available to me now. Meanwhile engineers stand idle and potholes bloom on runways; safety inspectors have been asked to stay on the job, without pay, and charge their government travel on their personal credit cards. As a writer, I must live by the axiom to write only what I know. As a fallible human being, I must afford my fellow travelers pardon and "forgive them what they do not know", and I hope they will reciprocate when I venture into the ill-fated journey of rhetorical flourish. It's never as simple as one side sees it; there are always complications.

The flight danger here is that in their flight--Sen. Reid to see the blooming branches of his pomegranate trees in Nevada--our government's legislative "branch" leaves a lot of baggage grounded. There are trade agreements to be signed on which no one seems to have much disagreement. There's the FAA stalemate.

I wish we could do something about that "band-width" problem in Washington--an illustrative example by way of symbolism for sure--but unfortunately it seems we've lost some of our ability to appreciate the investment in infrastructure. We should build more and "tear down" less, for all our sakes.