If you're like me, then I'm sorry. I don't like the guns. I really don't like seeing the children liking the guns because I have children out there and I've sorta gotten used to seeing them without holes shot through and through. I don't like little kids playing shooting games in arcades; I find it vile.
You don't have to agree, you don't ever have to care, but you really should feel something when you see the NRA in Arizona sitting kids on Santa's lap with guns. Come on. THAT'S A WAR ON CHRISTMAS!
So here, for your vomiting pleasure are the 12 days of X-mas as envisioned by the toters of guns:
"With the first gun show loophole, my true love waived for me...a cartridge in a magazine."
You get the idea. Let's skip ahead to 12 and sing our revolting way back.
"Twelve gunners gunning, eleven fighters fighting, ten boys a'bleedin, nine laid in caskets, eight 'fraid of squealing, seven childless women, six kids not playing, FIVE--COLD--DEAD--FINGERS, four cartel dudes, three lynch pins, two concealed guns, and a cartridge in a magazine."
It's #1 with a bullet. An international hit, the Mexican cartels ask for it by name. Go to the concert, there's no WAITING in line PERIOD. Every gun SHOW a SELLOUT!
And in Heston's Bar and Grill, try this killer menu:
*Shotgun SHELLS & CHEESE (goes great with asSAuLT rifles & PEPPER spray SHAKERS)
*You can choose from these drinks: GatorGRENADE or ARIZONA TEAparty
So go ahead and drink yourself into a GLOCK COMA! You can even PAY BY background CHECK: We know you're good people, 'cuz when it comes to Constitutional Amendments, you're all NUMBER 2!!!!
Now git them kiddies on Santa's Slay he'll be shootin' down your chimney any day. And make sure it's him that's in yer sights, you wouldn't wanna kill him on his biggest night! (Damn intruders!)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Analyze This?
Some things make no sense to me. Like a statement/opinion I just read: "Literary analysis kills literature."
I think I know, in spirit, what the writer intended but I have to ask myself: What about political analysis, the analysis of art and music, theater criticism, not to mention self-analysis.
I think too much. Lately I've been thinking and listening a lot. (This is my rationale for not tweeting and blogging as much as usual lately.) Sometimes you need to take a step back--especially if you are nearing a cliff. (I didn't say in which direction, did I?!)
Here's what I'm thinking: A lot of stuff gets said, covered, reported, digested, analyzed, and considered. Even more is left unheard and unknown by most of us. (It's mostly really really sad or extremely boring so not to worry.) And still we feel the need to handle it again atop all those other fingerprints. We choose to add our postmark to the package we, as a society, are carrying. We are each other's Mad Libs.
Amid all the clamor yesterday concerning Pizza Cain's extra cheese, Gov. Rick's number-fumble, and Newt's being a chameleon I noticed something very funny on the MSNBC homepage. Under the Travel section there were two headlines, one after the other. Permit the paraphrasing:
"Cell phone use on planes not allowed; no one knows why"
"Iphone spontaneously combusts on plane"
I'm thinking that the second headline pretty much answered the first one but then I'm a sucker for a good spontaneous combustion story. (You'll recall the whale incident...)
Surprisingly, however I did not combust over any of the political foolishness of the past week or so, though I would like to add my name to the list of people agitated at the fact that Huckabee and others feel that adultery is worse than sexual harassment/assault. Granted if the former was ever done to me it would result in the latter. (Hi, Honey!) But given recent collegiate headlines--and freaking common sense--such "philosophies" should find no purchase. Oh, and on a more obvious note--the dude wears a BLACK HAT! We should have seen this coming.
And speaking of Newt, thanks a lot, Lawrence O'D! I could've gone my entire life without knowing about The Speaker getting his microphone checked in the driveway--by another man's wife--while his own kids walked past the car. Geez! W. W. M. D? (What Would Monica Do--in case you were unclear about the nature of the "relations".) But I love you anyway, Larry, though I doubt I'll get that little head-bobber out of my mind any time soon.
Oh, Republicans...always good for a laugh. But these takeaways keep me sane:
1. Looks like the Payroll Tax Holiday will be extended, possibly with an even greater percentage savings for the Middle Class.
2. No matter how many people are repressed by over-zealous police forces, it seems that the Occupy Movement is determined to carry on. I hope so. We need a good revolution every 40 years or so, though in this case 15 would've suited me better. (I'm looking at you, Ronnie!) But I'll take it. Even when idiots ask, "Where is the leader?" Even when morons co-op peaceful protests for their own nephariousness.
3. It's the holiday season. 'Nuff said.
4. The Affordable Care Act is beginning to have major impacts on the formerly unemployed children in our nation, Dodd-Frank is getting better understood by Standard & Poors who now say that 'Too Big To Fail' is addressed in the legislation, and economic numbers are improving. All this makes me hope that the Dems are actually gonna fight this time. Well that, and the "Mitt-v-Mitt" advertisement. Tee-hee. (You know if they do a Newt ad it'll have to air in the same cable-only time slots as the OnlineBootyCall.Com ads.) "Newts Gone Wild!" Ewwww.....
But I will miss Barney Frank when he retires in about a year. He'll likely stay in the political arena, just not in the freak tent we call Congress. Not a Tea-drinker, no doubt. But you can ask Scott Walker how all those mesmerized 2010 voters now feel about the Teapot Dome. Ooops. Re-do, please!
So I have hope. Hope that as long as we have social media to further DEMOCRATIZE the conversation--more voices into the fray--knowledge will blossom into understanding which may explode into full-blown (apologies to Newt's special lady-friend) compromise. It could happen.
And that's coming from a cockeyed optimist whose state borders Arizona: Land of the Stinkeye, home of Santa's Slay. (I'm working up a whole bit on that god-awful BS. I'm thinking of leading with Toby Keith's "War on Christmas" then branching into a sure-to-piss-off rant about the evils of the NRA and its flimsy understanding of the Second Amendment. There's a war for ya!)
But let's end on a happy note...like G#!
I think I know, in spirit, what the writer intended but I have to ask myself: What about political analysis, the analysis of art and music, theater criticism, not to mention self-analysis.
I think too much. Lately I've been thinking and listening a lot. (This is my rationale for not tweeting and blogging as much as usual lately.) Sometimes you need to take a step back--especially if you are nearing a cliff. (I didn't say in which direction, did I?!)
Here's what I'm thinking: A lot of stuff gets said, covered, reported, digested, analyzed, and considered. Even more is left unheard and unknown by most of us. (It's mostly really really sad or extremely boring so not to worry.) And still we feel the need to handle it again atop all those other fingerprints. We choose to add our postmark to the package we, as a society, are carrying. We are each other's Mad Libs.
Amid all the clamor yesterday concerning Pizza Cain's extra cheese, Gov. Rick's number-fumble, and Newt's being a chameleon I noticed something very funny on the MSNBC homepage. Under the Travel section there were two headlines, one after the other. Permit the paraphrasing:
"Cell phone use on planes not allowed; no one knows why"
"Iphone spontaneously combusts on plane"
I'm thinking that the second headline pretty much answered the first one but then I'm a sucker for a good spontaneous combustion story. (You'll recall the whale incident...)
Surprisingly, however I did not combust over any of the political foolishness of the past week or so, though I would like to add my name to the list of people agitated at the fact that Huckabee and others feel that adultery is worse than sexual harassment/assault. Granted if the former was ever done to me it would result in the latter. (Hi, Honey!) But given recent collegiate headlines--and freaking common sense--such "philosophies" should find no purchase. Oh, and on a more obvious note--the dude wears a BLACK HAT! We should have seen this coming.
And speaking of Newt, thanks a lot, Lawrence O'D! I could've gone my entire life without knowing about The Speaker getting his microphone checked in the driveway--by another man's wife--while his own kids walked past the car. Geez! W. W. M. D? (What Would Monica Do--in case you were unclear about the nature of the "relations".) But I love you anyway, Larry, though I doubt I'll get that little head-bobber out of my mind any time soon.
Oh, Republicans...always good for a laugh. But these takeaways keep me sane:
1. Looks like the Payroll Tax Holiday will be extended, possibly with an even greater percentage savings for the Middle Class.
2. No matter how many people are repressed by over-zealous police forces, it seems that the Occupy Movement is determined to carry on. I hope so. We need a good revolution every 40 years or so, though in this case 15 would've suited me better. (I'm looking at you, Ronnie!) But I'll take it. Even when idiots ask, "Where is the leader?" Even when morons co-op peaceful protests for their own nephariousness.
3. It's the holiday season. 'Nuff said.
4. The Affordable Care Act is beginning to have major impacts on the formerly unemployed children in our nation, Dodd-Frank is getting better understood by Standard & Poors who now say that 'Too Big To Fail' is addressed in the legislation, and economic numbers are improving. All this makes me hope that the Dems are actually gonna fight this time. Well that, and the "Mitt-v-Mitt" advertisement. Tee-hee. (You know if they do a Newt ad it'll have to air in the same cable-only time slots as the OnlineBootyCall.Com ads.) "Newts Gone Wild!" Ewwww.....
But I will miss Barney Frank when he retires in about a year. He'll likely stay in the political arena, just not in the freak tent we call Congress. Not a Tea-drinker, no doubt. But you can ask Scott Walker how all those mesmerized 2010 voters now feel about the Teapot Dome. Ooops. Re-do, please!
So I have hope. Hope that as long as we have social media to further DEMOCRATIZE the conversation--more voices into the fray--knowledge will blossom into understanding which may explode into full-blown (apologies to Newt's special lady-friend) compromise. It could happen.
And that's coming from a cockeyed optimist whose state borders Arizona: Land of the Stinkeye, home of Santa's Slay. (I'm working up a whole bit on that god-awful BS. I'm thinking of leading with Toby Keith's "War on Christmas" then branching into a sure-to-piss-off rant about the evils of the NRA and its flimsy understanding of the Second Amendment. There's a war for ya!)
But let's end on a happy note...like G#!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
WEEK 13 PICKS
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! It was swell here at Rancho Bravo, nearly short-sleeve weather, and the festivities continue...
You'll forgive the late and truncated picks this week and, hopefully, enjoy some college football! Here are my 13 for 13:
*Alabama @ AUBURN (Go long shot, go!)
*Virginia Tech @ VIRGINIA (ditto)
*Oregon State @ OREGON (gotta luvva duck)
*Penn State @ WISCONSIN
*PURDUE @ Indiana
*MISSOURI @ Kansas
*AIR FORCE @ Colorado State
*Texas Tech @ BAYLOR
*FLORIDA STATE @ Florida
*Washington State @ WASHINGTON
*Clemson @ SOUTH CAROLINA
*Notre Dame @ STANFORD (You rule, The Cardinal!)
*University of California-Los Angeles @ USC
Oh yeah, and how 'bout those Buffs?! Believe it or not I actually did think Colorado would take that game against Utah and was pleasantly surprised to be correct. Next year...double the wins?? Year after that...bowl eligible?? Dreams do come true sometimes.
Enjoy the remainder of your holiday weekend. Back to the "snarky" political observations next week!
You'll forgive the late and truncated picks this week and, hopefully, enjoy some college football! Here are my 13 for 13:
*Alabama @ AUBURN (Go long shot, go!)
*Virginia Tech @ VIRGINIA (ditto)
*Oregon State @ OREGON (gotta luvva duck)
*Penn State @ WISCONSIN
*PURDUE @ Indiana
*MISSOURI @ Kansas
*AIR FORCE @ Colorado State
*Texas Tech @ BAYLOR
*FLORIDA STATE @ Florida
*Washington State @ WASHINGTON
*Clemson @ SOUTH CAROLINA
*Notre Dame @ STANFORD (You rule, The Cardinal!)
*University of California-Los Angeles @ USC
Oh yeah, and how 'bout those Buffs?! Believe it or not I actually did think Colorado would take that game against Utah and was pleasantly surprised to be correct. Next year...double the wins?? Year after that...bowl eligible?? Dreams do come true sometimes.
Enjoy the remainder of your holiday weekend. Back to the "snarky" political observations next week!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Handful of Thankful
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving today! Here are just a few of the things for which I am thankful:
*Social media's ability to connect us and give us all our voice
*The Occupy Movement and the rise of awareness
*All my blog readers
*My Twitter community
*Humor and forgiveness
*Comfort and joy
*All these beings with which I live
*My home, my town
*My friends and acquaintances
*Reasonably good health
*Nature and beauty
*Curiosity and life-long learning
May your lists be longer than you can recall and richer than you ever thought possible. Have a wonderful day of celebration and fellowship. Football, friends, and food!
*Social media's ability to connect us and give us all our voice
*The Occupy Movement and the rise of awareness
*All my blog readers
*My Twitter community
*Humor and forgiveness
*Comfort and joy
*All these beings with which I live
*My home, my town
*My friends and acquaintances
*Reasonably good health
*Nature and beauty
*Curiosity and life-long learning
May your lists be longer than you can recall and richer than you ever thought possible. Have a wonderful day of celebration and fellowship. Football, friends, and food!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
WEEK 12 Results
I suppose if you didn't lose your hat this weekend, you're doing okay. And while I lost WAY more games than I'd care to admit, at 34-16 I might've fared better than some.
This was only the second time in NCAA Division 1 recent history that three of the Top Five teams have lost in the same weekend. Friday night was Oklahoma State's undoing. Saturday proved to be curtains for Oklahoma and Oregon. The Os didn't have it! This does, of course, help out The Cardinal.
I don't care for the Top Three being from the same division of the same conference--the SEC West--but for now that's the way it is. But with WEEK 13 on the horizon--Rivalry Weekend--I'm sure we can expect the pot to be jumbled up once more.
Who knows what might happen and who will rise and fall? No one. And that is just one more reason the games are such a hoot to watch. Any team can beat any other team on any given day/night. You just don't get that in the NFL because those guys, though they no doubt love the game, are going to their jobs. In NCAA ball, it's heart and soul, life and death. Simply said: It's poignant.
There have been some tragic and sad sports headlines of late and we are right to take notice of them. Wrongs need to be righted and losses must be grieved. Certain episodes demand our voices and attention. We must ask everything of those who watch over the children. Always. We must punish them when they fail to keep the children safe. No exceptions.
And when the uniformed children, the ones who toil and struggle for years on end manage to do something amazing one Saturday, we are right to cheer for them. If they err, we forgive them. We celebrate the winning touchdown, the bizarre ricocheted pass, the OT heroics. And we do not, or should not blame the kicker--a kid after all--who misses the goal posts by inches or by yards. An entire team plays the game and that game is full of four quarters of miscues as well as miracles. When "sport" is successful, it teaches its players to shake off the last play and live in the present moment. It reminds them that no one moment really sets in stone the outcome. We are gracefully forgiving because they are children.
We should always treat them as if they are someone else's most precious little piece of the world. Because though they provide us with fleeting sorrows and evaporative joy, in reality that's exactly what they are. Whether or not they ever take the field, whether or not they ever experience tremendous success, they are all just that. Precious.
This was only the second time in NCAA Division 1 recent history that three of the Top Five teams have lost in the same weekend. Friday night was Oklahoma State's undoing. Saturday proved to be curtains for Oklahoma and Oregon. The Os didn't have it! This does, of course, help out The Cardinal.
I don't care for the Top Three being from the same division of the same conference--the SEC West--but for now that's the way it is. But with WEEK 13 on the horizon--Rivalry Weekend--I'm sure we can expect the pot to be jumbled up once more.
Who knows what might happen and who will rise and fall? No one. And that is just one more reason the games are such a hoot to watch. Any team can beat any other team on any given day/night. You just don't get that in the NFL because those guys, though they no doubt love the game, are going to their jobs. In NCAA ball, it's heart and soul, life and death. Simply said: It's poignant.
There have been some tragic and sad sports headlines of late and we are right to take notice of them. Wrongs need to be righted and losses must be grieved. Certain episodes demand our voices and attention. We must ask everything of those who watch over the children. Always. We must punish them when they fail to keep the children safe. No exceptions.
And when the uniformed children, the ones who toil and struggle for years on end manage to do something amazing one Saturday, we are right to cheer for them. If they err, we forgive them. We celebrate the winning touchdown, the bizarre ricocheted pass, the OT heroics. And we do not, or should not blame the kicker--a kid after all--who misses the goal posts by inches or by yards. An entire team plays the game and that game is full of four quarters of miscues as well as miracles. When "sport" is successful, it teaches its players to shake off the last play and live in the present moment. It reminds them that no one moment really sets in stone the outcome. We are gracefully forgiving because they are children.
We should always treat them as if they are someone else's most precious little piece of the world. Because though they provide us with fleeting sorrows and evaporative joy, in reality that's exactly what they are. Whether or not they ever take the field, whether or not they ever experience tremendous success, they are all just that. Precious.
My Thanksgiving Week Schedule
SUNDAY
Read the paper
Buy that frozen turkey so that it might have thawing time by Thursday
Begin to organize the house into a pictureable backdrop
Blog my Week 12 results
MONDAY
Do the cooking prep/check ingredients lists
Make out the Christmas cards with the kids
Continue cleaning and re-organizing
Re-arrange the living room
TUESDAY
Take some time to reflect on what I'm thankful for
Blog results of that pondering
Mail cards and collect any incoming missives
Write out the times and oven temps for all dishes
WEDNESDAY
Cook
Bake
Check the turkey's readiness
Wrap up house cleaning
THURSDAY
Watch the Macy's Parade
Roast the turkey and other latter-minute dishes
Listen to the "Massacre" AKA Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant"
Eat
Read from Chief Seattle
Watch football
Procure online "necessities"
Watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"--our tradition
FRIDAY
"Buy Nothing Day"
Harvest a tree from the National Forest as part of their fire preventative thinning operation
SATURDAY
"Shop Small Saturday"--Shop the local "Mom and Pops"
Decorate tree and house
SUNDAY
Miss the kids already as they prepare to return to school
Read the paper
Reflect on the week
Blog pictures of the doggies at the Thanksgiving table
Read the paper
Buy that frozen turkey so that it might have thawing time by Thursday
Begin to organize the house into a pictureable backdrop
Blog my Week 12 results
MONDAY
Do the cooking prep/check ingredients lists
Make out the Christmas cards with the kids
Continue cleaning and re-organizing
Re-arrange the living room
TUESDAY
Take some time to reflect on what I'm thankful for
Blog results of that pondering
Mail cards and collect any incoming missives
Write out the times and oven temps for all dishes
WEDNESDAY
Cook
Bake
Check the turkey's readiness
Wrap up house cleaning
THURSDAY
Watch the Macy's Parade
Roast the turkey and other latter-minute dishes
Listen to the "Massacre" AKA Arlo Guthrie's "Alice's Restaurant"
Eat
Read from Chief Seattle
Watch football
Procure online "necessities"
Watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"--our tradition
FRIDAY
"Buy Nothing Day"
Harvest a tree from the National Forest as part of their fire preventative thinning operation
SATURDAY
"Shop Small Saturday"--Shop the local "Mom and Pops"
Decorate tree and house
SUNDAY
Miss the kids already as they prepare to return to school
Read the paper
Reflect on the week
Blog pictures of the doggies at the Thanksgiving table
Friday, November 18, 2011
COCKEYED GAZETTE: The Thanksgiving Travel Edition
Hello, folks! Bet many of you are deep in anticipation of that yearly sojourn, the Thanksgiving pilgrimage to someplace-you-wouldn't-go-otherwise. As a matter of fact, eight of our villagers have been traveling this week to just such places. Call it an early Turkey Day or just a turkey, but here's the news on our friends from the Grand Old Park-side of town.
CAIN'S IN EDEN
Local citizen, Cain--you know, the guy who always brings pizza to the church socials--has been out to the "Holy Land Experience" theme park doing what we call some cross-marketing. He was seen wearing his big, black Jesus ears, chanting the old club song--"JES-USC-HRIST"--and discussing the possibility of putting pizza joints in what he referred to as "The Gas Stations of the Cross". No word on any agreement from park officials. And while it was sad that he had to cut his earlier New Hampshire trip short, Mr. Cain did say that it turned out okay since after visiting the theme park he now knows where Israel is. He just hopes they don't ever get a nuclear weapon.
LOBSTER BALLS
Take a cast-off, thrown out, useless thing and re-invent it and what do you have? Newt, the town historian, heard that the University of Maine has come up with a way to make golf balls out of excess lobster shells. (Not excess for the lobster, just the industry.) The balls will be great assets to cruise lines and people who just cannot resist hitting one into the drink as they completely biodegrade in two weeks! And for those of you who know Newt, you know what a great thing rapid disintegration can be.
BAD BOW(e)LS
There is a chain restaurant that you will find roadside as you travel which serves what we'll refer to as a cautionary tale in gastronomy. This concoction is nearly monochromatic--and you know your mother told you to eat rainbows, people!--and consists of the following, all piled one atop the other: Mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, fried chicken, cheese, and bacon. We aren't suggesting that you partake of this dish, but it does remind us of our other six traveling friends from Grand Old Park. After all, who's more bland and creamy than Mr. Huntsman? As for the gravy, well, if you've ever Googled our friend Mr. Santorum... Then there's our Iowa girl-turned Cockeyed, Mrs. Bachmann. A perfect stand-in for the corn. We know you've already guessed the fried chicken: Our little birdman with his little pocket town charter always at the ready, Mr. Paul. And Mr. Perry, who's always running for something, but isn't as smooth as Potato Huntsman albeit just as corny as Kernel Bachmann, gets the honor of being the big cheese. That only leaves our "It's a Wonderful Life" version of Mr. Potter--Mr. Romney--as the bacon, because we all know how much of that stuff he rakes in. Oh, and the rumor that he's going to buy that Crystal Cathedral out in California--not true. That's going to the Catholic Church, not Bacon Romney. But the Cockeyed World isn't so far that you couldn't go visit the glass palace. It's only a stone's throw away. That would be a great place for reflection. Out of the glare of daily life. Clearly, pains would vanish. Just the image of it...
But alas, it is not our turn to venture. Stay safe in your travels and know that while you are gone we, the staff of the Cockeyed Gazette, will be here on the job, keeping you informed and inflamed.
CAIN'S IN EDEN
Local citizen, Cain--you know, the guy who always brings pizza to the church socials--has been out to the "Holy Land Experience" theme park doing what we call some cross-marketing. He was seen wearing his big, black Jesus ears, chanting the old club song--"JES-USC-HRIST"--and discussing the possibility of putting pizza joints in what he referred to as "The Gas Stations of the Cross". No word on any agreement from park officials. And while it was sad that he had to cut his earlier New Hampshire trip short, Mr. Cain did say that it turned out okay since after visiting the theme park he now knows where Israel is. He just hopes they don't ever get a nuclear weapon.
LOBSTER BALLS
Take a cast-off, thrown out, useless thing and re-invent it and what do you have? Newt, the town historian, heard that the University of Maine has come up with a way to make golf balls out of excess lobster shells. (Not excess for the lobster, just the industry.) The balls will be great assets to cruise lines and people who just cannot resist hitting one into the drink as they completely biodegrade in two weeks! And for those of you who know Newt, you know what a great thing rapid disintegration can be.
BAD BOW(e)LS
There is a chain restaurant that you will find roadside as you travel which serves what we'll refer to as a cautionary tale in gastronomy. This concoction is nearly monochromatic--and you know your mother told you to eat rainbows, people!--and consists of the following, all piled one atop the other: Mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, fried chicken, cheese, and bacon. We aren't suggesting that you partake of this dish, but it does remind us of our other six traveling friends from Grand Old Park. After all, who's more bland and creamy than Mr. Huntsman? As for the gravy, well, if you've ever Googled our friend Mr. Santorum... Then there's our Iowa girl-turned Cockeyed, Mrs. Bachmann. A perfect stand-in for the corn. We know you've already guessed the fried chicken: Our little birdman with his little pocket town charter always at the ready, Mr. Paul. And Mr. Perry, who's always running for something, but isn't as smooth as Potato Huntsman albeit just as corny as Kernel Bachmann, gets the honor of being the big cheese. That only leaves our "It's a Wonderful Life" version of Mr. Potter--Mr. Romney--as the bacon, because we all know how much of that stuff he rakes in. Oh, and the rumor that he's going to buy that Crystal Cathedral out in California--not true. That's going to the Catholic Church, not Bacon Romney. But the Cockeyed World isn't so far that you couldn't go visit the glass palace. It's only a stone's throw away. That would be a great place for reflection. Out of the glare of daily life. Clearly, pains would vanish. Just the image of it...
But alas, it is not our turn to venture. Stay safe in your travels and know that while you are gone we, the staff of the Cockeyed Gazette, will be here on the job, keeping you informed and inflamed.
WEEK 12 PICKS
It's the BIG GAME this week: Cal at Stanford. And I'm picking 50 contests, so let's get to it. (As usual, winners will be in ALL CAPS.)
Friday Games
*OKLAHOMA STATE @ Iowa State
*TOLEDO @ Central Michigan
Saturday Games
*FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL @ Louisiana-Monroe
*Maryland @ WAKE FOREST
*Citadel @ SOUTH CAROLINA
*Akron @ BUFFALO
*Indiana @ MICHIGAN STATE
*Army @ TEMPLE
*NAVY @ San Jose State (Went back and forth on this one so we'll see.)
*Nebraska @ MICHIGAN (Switched on this one and that's always troubling.)
*WISCONSIN @ Illinois
*LOUISVILLE @ Connecticut
*Kansas @ TEXAS A&M
*IOWA @ Purdue (Hate to pick against the Boilermakers.)
*Kentucky @ GEORGIA
*GEORGIA TECH @ Duke
*TULSA @ University of Texas-El Paso
*Sanford @ AUBURN
*Furman @ FLORIDA
*EASTERN MICHIGAN @ Kent State
*Georgia Southern @ ALABAMA
*New Mexico @ WYOMING
*Mississippi State @ ARKANSAS
*CLEMSON @ North Carolina State
*UTAH STATE @ Idaho
*University of Central Florida @ EAST CAROLINA
*KANSAS STATE @ Texas
*Arizona @ ARIZONA STATE
*California @ STANFORD (Come on, The Cardinal. You got this. And Cal, they need it more.)
*New Mexico State @ BYU
*Fresno State @ HAWAI'I (Another possibly close one.)
*Southern Methodist University @ HOUSTON
*Colorado State @ TCU (Poor, poor Rams.)
*Penn State @ OHIO STATE (Not much more than a guess here.)
*MIAMI @ South Florida
*TEXAS TECH @ Missouri
*WASHINGTON @ Oregon State
*Boston College @ NOTRE DAME
*CINCINNATI @ Rutgers
*Minnesota @ NORTHWESTERN
*Louisiana Tech @ NEVADA
*Utah @ WASHINGTON STATE
*University of Nevada-Las Vegas @ AIR FORCE
*LSU @ Mississippi
*VANDERBILT @ Tennessee (Gotta have one upset, even if it isn't exactly a long-shot.)
*Virginia @ FLORIDA STATE
*Colorado @ UCLA (I think Rick has the more confident team--sorry Buffs!)
*University of Southern California @ OREGON
*OKLAHOMA @ Baylor (Could be an upset, but I'm not predicting one.)
*BOISE STATE @ San Diego State
Enjoy the games and may the best teams win!
Friday Games
*OKLAHOMA STATE @ Iowa State
*TOLEDO @ Central Michigan
Saturday Games
*FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL @ Louisiana-Monroe
*Maryland @ WAKE FOREST
*Citadel @ SOUTH CAROLINA
*Akron @ BUFFALO
*Indiana @ MICHIGAN STATE
*Army @ TEMPLE
*NAVY @ San Jose State (Went back and forth on this one so we'll see.)
*Nebraska @ MICHIGAN (Switched on this one and that's always troubling.)
*WISCONSIN @ Illinois
*LOUISVILLE @ Connecticut
*Kansas @ TEXAS A&M
*IOWA @ Purdue (Hate to pick against the Boilermakers.)
*Kentucky @ GEORGIA
*GEORGIA TECH @ Duke
*TULSA @ University of Texas-El Paso
*Sanford @ AUBURN
*Furman @ FLORIDA
*EASTERN MICHIGAN @ Kent State
*Georgia Southern @ ALABAMA
*New Mexico @ WYOMING
*Mississippi State @ ARKANSAS
*CLEMSON @ North Carolina State
*UTAH STATE @ Idaho
*University of Central Florida @ EAST CAROLINA
*KANSAS STATE @ Texas
*Arizona @ ARIZONA STATE
*California @ STANFORD (Come on, The Cardinal. You got this. And Cal, they need it more.)
*New Mexico State @ BYU
*Fresno State @ HAWAI'I (Another possibly close one.)
*Southern Methodist University @ HOUSTON
*Colorado State @ TCU (Poor, poor Rams.)
*Penn State @ OHIO STATE (Not much more than a guess here.)
*MIAMI @ South Florida
*TEXAS TECH @ Missouri
*WASHINGTON @ Oregon State
*Boston College @ NOTRE DAME
*CINCINNATI @ Rutgers
*Minnesota @ NORTHWESTERN
*Louisiana Tech @ NEVADA
*Utah @ WASHINGTON STATE
*University of Nevada-Las Vegas @ AIR FORCE
*LSU @ Mississippi
*VANDERBILT @ Tennessee (Gotta have one upset, even if it isn't exactly a long-shot.)
*Virginia @ FLORIDA STATE
*Colorado @ UCLA (I think Rick has the more confident team--sorry Buffs!)
*University of Southern California @ OREGON
*OKLAHOMA @ Baylor (Could be an upset, but I'm not predicting one.)
*BOISE STATE @ San Diego State
Enjoy the games and may the best teams win!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Top 15 Reasons Jesus Wouldn't Like Custom Tebow Jerseys
It seems that some Broncos fans have taken it upon themselves (and their backs) to replace the name "TEBOW" with "JESUS" on the #15 football jerseys. Of course that cannot go without some snark from yours truly. (If you don't care for religious humor, stop here...thanks!)
THE TOP 15 Reasons Jesus Wouldn't Like Custom Tebow Jerseys:
15. Tebow sounds too much like a weapon, at least in the fourth quarter.
14. Leaves out the "H. CHRIST" part.
13. He preferred the old uniforms.
12. He's really a Saints fan.
11. Bible says not to touch pig skin.
10. Blasphemy because of the "Some Call Me...Tim" guy from "Monty Python's Holy Grail".
09. Quarterbacks often "sneak" the ball.
08. Jesus would never throw an interception.
07. Prefers the number #1.
06. The O-line bows in the wrong direction.
05. BLITZERS!
04. "In the pocket" sounds nefarious.
03. Don't get him started on the "Hail Mary".
02. There are no overtimes in life: Either you're dead or you're not.
01. Come on, Tebow is annoying and that's the gospel truth!
Nice of the Son of the Big Guy to have such a great sense of humor. Oh, and this really gives new meaning to wearing your religion on your sleeve. Or at least it gives it a new position.
THE TOP 15 Reasons Jesus Wouldn't Like Custom Tebow Jerseys:
15. Tebow sounds too much like a weapon, at least in the fourth quarter.
14. Leaves out the "H. CHRIST" part.
13. He preferred the old uniforms.
12. He's really a Saints fan.
11. Bible says not to touch pig skin.
10. Blasphemy because of the "Some Call Me...Tim" guy from "Monty Python's Holy Grail".
09. Quarterbacks often "sneak" the ball.
08. Jesus would never throw an interception.
07. Prefers the number #1.
06. The O-line bows in the wrong direction.
05. BLITZERS!
04. "In the pocket" sounds nefarious.
03. Don't get him started on the "Hail Mary".
02. There are no overtimes in life: Either you're dead or you're not.
01. Come on, Tebow is annoying and that's the gospel truth!
Nice of the Son of the Big Guy to have such a great sense of humor. Oh, and this really gives new meaning to wearing your religion on your sleeve. Or at least it gives it a new position.
ARE YOU SHITTING ME?
Look, Republicans: I try to be "fair and balanced" in my own particularly snarky way here but this is a bridge too far. I expect you to be jerks about collective bargaining, a safety net for the poor, special needs education, etc. because hey, everyone can get behind that, right? NOT
But school lunches! You IDIOTS! Mary Clare Jalonick--we'll call her "Ja-Lo" just for some humor--of the Associated Press filed a story with the local headline, "Lawmakers Fight for Fries and Pizza for Kids". More like lobbyists do. Seriously, your "pocket friends" say this will push the potato-growers and the pizza-manufacturers out of the school lunch program. No it won't. It will "force" them to create a healthier product. I've seen many potatoes in my time that were not fried and I've eaten many healthier versions of pizza than the cardboard "food" offered up at some of our nation's school districts.
Imagine if the auto makers refused to improve CAFE standards (to use a pun). What a hew and cry there would be from...Jimmy Carter back when he tried to improve them nearly 40 years ago?! Come on, you wanna be that "retro" guys? The auto industry and the energy industry are FINALLY getting on board with the idea that if it IS BROKEN you MUST FIX it. Why can't our schools do the same with YOUR SUPPORT!! You small government cronies have to realize that this is a perfect example of what our government is for.
The alternative? We continue to fill our kids up with junk and act all surprised when we're expending billions on healthcare costs down the line as these obese, under nutrient-fed kids go on to become diabetics with a host of other "beyond wellness" issues. You are being lobbyied by the Ghosts of Ideologies Past!
And what if the Healthcare industry refused to make advances? What about the scientific community? How many of us would still be here in our current capacity without the knowledge advancement in those fields?
So when you continue to throw crap down peoples' gullets and get a sickly, agitated, unintelligent populace in return, what will your legacies be? If you don't care about our kids then care about your own reputations at least.
Oh, and what do the TEA-growers ask of you today?
But school lunches! You IDIOTS! Mary Clare Jalonick--we'll call her "Ja-Lo" just for some humor--of the Associated Press filed a story with the local headline, "Lawmakers Fight for Fries and Pizza for Kids". More like lobbyists do. Seriously, your "pocket friends" say this will push the potato-growers and the pizza-manufacturers out of the school lunch program. No it won't. It will "force" them to create a healthier product. I've seen many potatoes in my time that were not fried and I've eaten many healthier versions of pizza than the cardboard "food" offered up at some of our nation's school districts.
Imagine if the auto makers refused to improve CAFE standards (to use a pun). What a hew and cry there would be from...Jimmy Carter back when he tried to improve them nearly 40 years ago?! Come on, you wanna be that "retro" guys? The auto industry and the energy industry are FINALLY getting on board with the idea that if it IS BROKEN you MUST FIX it. Why can't our schools do the same with YOUR SUPPORT!! You small government cronies have to realize that this is a perfect example of what our government is for.
The alternative? We continue to fill our kids up with junk and act all surprised when we're expending billions on healthcare costs down the line as these obese, under nutrient-fed kids go on to become diabetics with a host of other "beyond wellness" issues. You are being lobbyied by the Ghosts of Ideologies Past!
And what if the Healthcare industry refused to make advances? What about the scientific community? How many of us would still be here in our current capacity without the knowledge advancement in those fields?
So when you continue to throw crap down peoples' gullets and get a sickly, agitated, unintelligent populace in return, what will your legacies be? If you don't care about our kids then care about your own reputations at least.
Oh, and what do the TEA-growers ask of you today?
Monday, November 14, 2011
The GOP Meets CBS
I won't lie, I missed the debate Saturday night. I was busy watching Stanford blow their title chances to the Ducks. But I've seen a few "highlights" and, more importantly, I scanned CBS' offerings over the course of a normal week in order to divine what happened.
So here is your CBS show-inspired nomenclature for the GOP field. Watch for a special cameo, too!
*Airing this week, a show starring whoever is atop or rising in the polls, "Person Of Interest".
*HERMAN CAIN reveals more about his character in "How I Met Your Mother".
*MICHELE BACHMANN attempts to come up with a country-sinking conspiracy theory in "Stargate: Atlantis".
*NEWT GINGRICH gives his life story on "The Good Wife".
*RICK PERRY takes on satire in this week's episode of "Unforgettable".
*MITT ROMNEY stars in "Blue Bloods", along with some corporations playing the extras.
*A famous half-century old island native (POTUS) makes a cameo in "Hawai'i Five-O".
*"Two and a Half Men", featuring RICK SANTORUM, JON HUNTSMAN and, or course, RON PAUL, tackles socially conservative issues with all the grace of a bull in a Pottery Barn.
*GOP Economic Plan: "Wheel of Fortune"
*GOP Tax Pledges: "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
*GOP Foreign Policy: "Jeopardy!"
*GOP Wage and Price Index Study Results: "The Price is Right"
*GOP attitude toward the 99%: "Cold Case"
Oh, and sorry, but our most-Right friends have asked the execs at CBS to cancel this one because they see no use in it: "Let's Make a Deal".
So here is your CBS show-inspired nomenclature for the GOP field. Watch for a special cameo, too!
*Airing this week, a show starring whoever is atop or rising in the polls, "Person Of Interest".
*HERMAN CAIN reveals more about his character in "How I Met Your Mother".
*MICHELE BACHMANN attempts to come up with a country-sinking conspiracy theory in "Stargate: Atlantis".
*NEWT GINGRICH gives his life story on "The Good Wife".
*RICK PERRY takes on satire in this week's episode of "Unforgettable".
*MITT ROMNEY stars in "Blue Bloods", along with some corporations playing the extras.
*A famous half-century old island native (POTUS) makes a cameo in "Hawai'i Five-O".
*"Two and a Half Men", featuring RICK SANTORUM, JON HUNTSMAN and, or course, RON PAUL, tackles socially conservative issues with all the grace of a bull in a Pottery Barn.
*GOP Economic Plan: "Wheel of Fortune"
*GOP Tax Pledges: "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?"
*GOP Foreign Policy: "Jeopardy!"
*GOP Wage and Price Index Study Results: "The Price is Right"
*GOP attitude toward the 99%: "Cold Case"
Oh, and sorry, but our most-Right friends have asked the execs at CBS to cancel this one because they see no use in it: "Let's Make a Deal".
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Season of Giving
The Christmas Cactus is in bloom and the festivities have begun: The Holiday Season is upon us! I've managed to procure a good start to the commercial activities, am planning for the many events over the next few weeks, and, most importantly, continue the "giving".
One of the big fundraisers for our local no-kill shelter (where we got 3 of our 4 doggies, the other one came from another rescue group) was held this past weekend at the high school and daughter and I took boxes of baked goods for them to sell. We attended as well, purchasing Christmas gifts for the dogs and ourselves. In addition to the bake sale, they also feature many local crafters and, of course, Santa. Daughter sat with Santa for a picture--thank goodness she isn't "too old" for that yet. I secretly hope neither of the kids is ever that "old".
Today, I wrapped up 20 little gift bags for the less fortunate to gift to their dogs and accumulated a nice pile of needs to drop off at the Pet Pantry this week. Tomorrow I'll be baking for Teacher Appreciation Day and the following day I will help with the set-up and clean up of that celebration. We'll also put together boxes of cast-off clothing and housewares for the Community Cupboard, which also assists those in dire financial situations.
I don't do these things for the sake of being a do-gooder and I don't share them with you in order to inflate my self-esteem. My reasons are much more nefarious: I do it because it feels good.
There are very few things I can think of that are better uses of my time and resources than helping schools and those in need. Whenever the recipients thank me I make sure to say, "If I ever need help, I hope you'll be there for me." I can do these things now so I consider them a moral imperative of sorts. If the time ever comes when I cannot, I would hope that such charities would be there for me and that those who are able would contribute to them. I suppose that's my "world view".
And it's my biggest complain with the current U.S. political scene. This "every man for himself" philosophy is to me a false one. A democracy is something that you invest in--whether that investment comes in payroll taxes, incomes taxes, or occupation protests doesn't matter: All inputs are valid. And everyone has a right to their beliefs about their country. But I for one believe that my country is a place where people work together toward a desired outcome, a place where the federal government, state, and local governments are there to do those things that we alone or in small groups cannot accomplish.
We all have something to give. And we all need things as well. When we communicate these abilities and necessities, everyone benefits. Together.
One of the big fundraisers for our local no-kill shelter (where we got 3 of our 4 doggies, the other one came from another rescue group) was held this past weekend at the high school and daughter and I took boxes of baked goods for them to sell. We attended as well, purchasing Christmas gifts for the dogs and ourselves. In addition to the bake sale, they also feature many local crafters and, of course, Santa. Daughter sat with Santa for a picture--thank goodness she isn't "too old" for that yet. I secretly hope neither of the kids is ever that "old".
Today, I wrapped up 20 little gift bags for the less fortunate to gift to their dogs and accumulated a nice pile of needs to drop off at the Pet Pantry this week. Tomorrow I'll be baking for Teacher Appreciation Day and the following day I will help with the set-up and clean up of that celebration. We'll also put together boxes of cast-off clothing and housewares for the Community Cupboard, which also assists those in dire financial situations.
I don't do these things for the sake of being a do-gooder and I don't share them with you in order to inflate my self-esteem. My reasons are much more nefarious: I do it because it feels good.
There are very few things I can think of that are better uses of my time and resources than helping schools and those in need. Whenever the recipients thank me I make sure to say, "If I ever need help, I hope you'll be there for me." I can do these things now so I consider them a moral imperative of sorts. If the time ever comes when I cannot, I would hope that such charities would be there for me and that those who are able would contribute to them. I suppose that's my "world view".
And it's my biggest complain with the current U.S. political scene. This "every man for himself" philosophy is to me a false one. A democracy is something that you invest in--whether that investment comes in payroll taxes, incomes taxes, or occupation protests doesn't matter: All inputs are valid. And everyone has a right to their beliefs about their country. But I for one believe that my country is a place where people work together toward a desired outcome, a place where the federal government, state, and local governments are there to do those things that we alone or in small groups cannot accomplish.
We all have something to give. And we all need things as well. When we communicate these abilities and necessities, everyone benefits. Together.
If a Tree Falls...
Oh, Tree! Oh, beloved Stanford, what have you done?
How sad that The Cardinal couldn't go undefeated, but if it had to happen, at least it was at the "hands" of the Oregon Ducks. I like the Ducks, but my dead dog LOVED the Ducks like crazy. I guess I can't be mad at her over this.
The Cardinal's next game is THE BIG GAME: Stanford and Cal. (You'll recall the famous Elway Big Game with the band on the field and the whole "Dewey Wins" atmosphere at the end.) Great game. This year's event may be one-sided--I'm sure The Cardinal are pissed about now--but it is always an entertaining match-up. I predict Stanford, though I love Cal as well. Been to both stadiums--Stanford's is really nice, but the old Memorial Stadium in Berkeley was wonderful. They're renovating it this year...we'll see. Hope they keep the old earthquake cracks visible.
So, that out of they way, my record this week was a bit better at 24-9. Arizona State, Stanford, UCLA, Miami, Boise State, Air Force, Ohio State, Louisville, and Texas let me down. Ah well.
Look on the bright side: Colorado actually won a game and the Denver Broncos are on a win streak at present. It's not a pretty win streak, but it has been effective nonetheless. We'll take what we can get.
Small victories. Happy football. Rivalry Weekend next!!
How sad that The Cardinal couldn't go undefeated, but if it had to happen, at least it was at the "hands" of the Oregon Ducks. I like the Ducks, but my dead dog LOVED the Ducks like crazy. I guess I can't be mad at her over this.
The Cardinal's next game is THE BIG GAME: Stanford and Cal. (You'll recall the famous Elway Big Game with the band on the field and the whole "Dewey Wins" atmosphere at the end.) Great game. This year's event may be one-sided--I'm sure The Cardinal are pissed about now--but it is always an entertaining match-up. I predict Stanford, though I love Cal as well. Been to both stadiums--Stanford's is really nice, but the old Memorial Stadium in Berkeley was wonderful. They're renovating it this year...we'll see. Hope they keep the old earthquake cracks visible.
So, that out of they way, my record this week was a bit better at 24-9. Arizona State, Stanford, UCLA, Miami, Boise State, Air Force, Ohio State, Louisville, and Texas let me down. Ah well.
Look on the bright side: Colorado actually won a game and the Denver Broncos are on a win streak at present. It's not a pretty win streak, but it has been effective nonetheless. We'll take what we can get.
Small victories. Happy football. Rivalry Weekend next!!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
WEEK 11 Had An 11-11-11
And that's the only time that will occur this college football season. Now, let's hope we can say the same for my less-than-impressive 21-9 last week. Yikes!
So, with 33 teams to either redeem me or shame me, here are your Week 11 winners (in CAPS):
*OKLAHOMA STATE @ Texas Tech--I would LOVE to be wrong on this one.
*Wake Forest @ CLEMSON
*NEBRASKA @ Penn State
*Florida @ SOUTH CAROLINA
*TEXAS @ Missouri
*MICHIGAN STATE @ Iowa
*WEST VIRGINIA @ Cincinnati
*Rice @ NORTHWESTERN
*Pitt @ LOUISVILLE
*OHIO STATE @ Purdue--I think.
*BAYLOR @ Kansas--The Jayhawks haven't won a game in two months.
*Wyoming @ AIR FORCE--The hometown birds are on a roll (aviationally speaking)
*Arizona @ COLORADO--Look, we need a win. I honestly think the Buffs are the better team. The trick is to get THEM to think that. If they do, they'll win, and we can watch Mike Stoop implode.
*Texas Christian University @ BOISE STATE
*Texas Agriculture & Military @ KANSAS STATE
*Auburn @ GEORGIA--The Bulldogs have not lost a game in two months.
*WISCONSIN @ Minnesota--Despite valiant wins of late, the GGs will fall to the Badgers.
*MICHIGAN @ Illinois
*MIAMI @ Florida State--Likely close, likely a loss for Jimbo.
*RUTGERS @ Army
*Washington @ USC--Not a mighty blow by the Trojans, but a close win nonetheless.
*Tennessee @ ARKANSAS--These are some tough-skinned little piggies!
*SAN DIEGO STATE @ Colorado State--The Rams are wretched this year and the Aztecs will take advantage.
*Oregon State @ CALIFORNIA--Tedford needs a win and here's his chance. ONE more for Cal.
*UCLA @ Utah--This one might be close, but our Rick pulls it out in the end.
*Western Kentucky @ LSU--'Nuff said.
*Maryland @ NOTRE DAME
*ALABAMA @ Mississippi State
*Oregon @ STANFORD--I was at the eye specialist's this week and had a nice conversation with a lifelong Ducks fan and son of season ticket-holders since the early 70s. I told him how my late Bouvier, Sasha, worshipped the Ducks--he's a dog guy, turns out, and loved the story--and how we did too...except for this week...when they play our glorious STANFORD. Neat guy, great conversation, but his Ducks just have to lose this one. Sorry, Sasha!
*University of Central Florida @ SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI--Most likely.
*Idaho @ BYU
*Hawai'i @ NEVADA--If this one gets close it'll come down to travel.
*ARIZONA STATE @ Washington State--If this was WEEK 1 or 2, I'd pick the Cougars. But the Sun Devils have decided to rule the late season and the Cougs have decided to be done with it.
Should be a fun day so please enjoy! And, if you're so inclined, watch the Duck Blind game tonight--you know, Ducks + Trees. While I'm no fan of the hunting, I'm definitely solidly deep in the woods tonight. GO TREES! GO THE CARDINAL! And as the dog "said" in The Far Side cartoon--when attempting to get the family cat into the clothes dryer--"Oh please, oh please!!"
So, with 33 teams to either redeem me or shame me, here are your Week 11 winners (in CAPS):
*OKLAHOMA STATE @ Texas Tech--I would LOVE to be wrong on this one.
*Wake Forest @ CLEMSON
*NEBRASKA @ Penn State
*Florida @ SOUTH CAROLINA
*TEXAS @ Missouri
*MICHIGAN STATE @ Iowa
*WEST VIRGINIA @ Cincinnati
*Rice @ NORTHWESTERN
*Pitt @ LOUISVILLE
*OHIO STATE @ Purdue--I think.
*BAYLOR @ Kansas--The Jayhawks haven't won a game in two months.
*Wyoming @ AIR FORCE--The hometown birds are on a roll (aviationally speaking)
*Arizona @ COLORADO--Look, we need a win. I honestly think the Buffs are the better team. The trick is to get THEM to think that. If they do, they'll win, and we can watch Mike Stoop implode.
*Texas Christian University @ BOISE STATE
*Texas Agriculture & Military @ KANSAS STATE
*Auburn @ GEORGIA--The Bulldogs have not lost a game in two months.
*WISCONSIN @ Minnesota--Despite valiant wins of late, the GGs will fall to the Badgers.
*MICHIGAN @ Illinois
*MIAMI @ Florida State--Likely close, likely a loss for Jimbo.
*RUTGERS @ Army
*Washington @ USC--Not a mighty blow by the Trojans, but a close win nonetheless.
*Tennessee @ ARKANSAS--These are some tough-skinned little piggies!
*SAN DIEGO STATE @ Colorado State--The Rams are wretched this year and the Aztecs will take advantage.
*Oregon State @ CALIFORNIA--Tedford needs a win and here's his chance. ONE more for Cal.
*UCLA @ Utah--This one might be close, but our Rick pulls it out in the end.
*Western Kentucky @ LSU--'Nuff said.
*Maryland @ NOTRE DAME
*ALABAMA @ Mississippi State
*Oregon @ STANFORD--I was at the eye specialist's this week and had a nice conversation with a lifelong Ducks fan and son of season ticket-holders since the early 70s. I told him how my late Bouvier, Sasha, worshipped the Ducks--he's a dog guy, turns out, and loved the story--and how we did too...except for this week...when they play our glorious STANFORD. Neat guy, great conversation, but his Ducks just have to lose this one. Sorry, Sasha!
*University of Central Florida @ SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI--Most likely.
*Idaho @ BYU
*Hawai'i @ NEVADA--If this one gets close it'll come down to travel.
*ARIZONA STATE @ Washington State--If this was WEEK 1 or 2, I'd pick the Cougars. But the Sun Devils have decided to rule the late season and the Cougs have decided to be done with it.
Should be a fun day so please enjoy! And, if you're so inclined, watch the Duck Blind game tonight--you know, Ducks + Trees. While I'm no fan of the hunting, I'm definitely solidly deep in the woods tonight. GO TREES! GO THE CARDINAL! And as the dog "said" in The Far Side cartoon--when attempting to get the family cat into the clothes dryer--"Oh please, oh please!!"
Thursday, November 10, 2011
What Was the Debate Really About?
Here are two things for you to contemplate in the grand scheme, thematically, of last night's GOP debate.
THEME THE FIRST: If the Republicans let the free market do its thing and provide us all with services that can "cross state lines", which state will you choose for your healthcare? Air, water, and soil protections? Your childrens' secondary education? (Words too true, perhaps?) Your investment portfolio? Your transportation maintenance? Your prescription drug approval process? Your food inspection? Your legal protections? Your security forces? Your emergency response? Your Medicare? Your loan rates?
THEME THE MOST IMPORTANT: All this talk and back-and-forth comes down to a simple choice between ideologies, a national "world view": Who do you trust, the government or the corporations?
And that is what you have to decide, Mr. and Mrs./Ms./Miss Voter, for ALL of US.
THEME THE FIRST: If the Republicans let the free market do its thing and provide us all with services that can "cross state lines", which state will you choose for your healthcare? Air, water, and soil protections? Your childrens' secondary education? (Words too true, perhaps?) Your investment portfolio? Your transportation maintenance? Your prescription drug approval process? Your food inspection? Your legal protections? Your security forces? Your emergency response? Your Medicare? Your loan rates?
THEME THE MOST IMPORTANT: All this talk and back-and-forth comes down to a simple choice between ideologies, a national "world view": Who do you trust, the government or the corporations?
And that is what you have to decide, Mr. and Mrs./Ms./Miss Voter, for ALL of US.
If the Mitt Doesn't Fit...
Oh, Mitt Romney! You always have so much to tell us. So much, in fact, that I must recite your verbal missives in shorthand. Like the short hand of the market on the gears of the machines in "Metropolis". But I digress...
Here we go, stream-of-consciouness style: "In Massachusetts, I was always in an away game (where the) C.A.F.E. standards (are bad for U.S. auto manufacturers) and where all bailouts should be privatized because the Democrats think that corporate profits are bad--President Obama wants jobs and not business--and the President has failed the Middle Class; (after all) markets work and the Federal government caused the housing problem by pushing people into houses they couldn't afford (and isn't it) terrible that the President is only concerned about his re-election (while I'm concerned with) cutting the Federal workforce by 10% (and also) public servants shouldn't make more money than the people they serve and you can trust me because I've been married to the same wife for 42 years, gone to the same church all my life, and worked at the same job for 25 years." WHEW. So tell me how you really feel, MittRo!
Then, when it seemed as if he was poised to win the debate--and in a surprise move--Romney DISQUALIFIED himself from the race. "I've been in business all my life, 25 years." Uh-oh. Dude, you're only 25? The Constitution (cue Ron Paul) says you gotta be 35 to be President. (Buzzer goes off.) And you're outta here!
The crowd cheers momentarily then casts a collective jaundiced eye over the remaining seven contenders. Oh crap. They forgot to plan an exit strategy. Silly Republicans. Now what?
Here we go, stream-of-consciouness style: "In Massachusetts, I was always in an away game (where the) C.A.F.E. standards (are bad for U.S. auto manufacturers) and where all bailouts should be privatized because the Democrats think that corporate profits are bad--President Obama wants jobs and not business--and the President has failed the Middle Class; (after all) markets work and the Federal government caused the housing problem by pushing people into houses they couldn't afford (and isn't it) terrible that the President is only concerned about his re-election (while I'm concerned with) cutting the Federal workforce by 10% (and also) public servants shouldn't make more money than the people they serve and you can trust me because I've been married to the same wife for 42 years, gone to the same church all my life, and worked at the same job for 25 years." WHEW. So tell me how you really feel, MittRo!
Then, when it seemed as if he was poised to win the debate--and in a surprise move--Romney DISQUALIFIED himself from the race. "I've been in business all my life, 25 years." Uh-oh. Dude, you're only 25? The Constitution (cue Ron Paul) says you gotta be 35 to be President. (Buzzer goes off.) And you're outta here!
The crowd cheers momentarily then casts a collective jaundiced eye over the remaining seven contenders. Oh crap. They forgot to plan an exit strategy. Silly Republicans. Now what?
NEWTon's Law of HIS STORY
You can always count on Newt to count the years. It's almost as if he is secretly Herman Cain's foreign policy advisor, for here we are, back in the '60s again. Where a tall Texan sure did us in. His name it was Lyndon and oh what a sin done by himmm. Again.
The horse Newt Gingrich rode in on there was the Social Security Administration and the Federal Student Loan Program, both horrors revisited or visited upon us by (dare I say the word) Progressive Johnson policy. The man-toad really had it in for LBJ last night. Probably jealous of his height. Or his thinness.
Then Newt all but says that college students are lazy and spoiled. "When they find out we really want them to be in class..." he begins a rant. Maybe he's jealous of their youth. Or their learnedness.
Then Newt tells us that by 2015 the states of South Carolina and Alabama will surpass the coastal Chinese provinces in "cheapest places to do business". Can you say race to the bottom? Because low-bid has always been the safest, most ethical practice. Workers DON'T unite! Or eat well. Or speak. Ever. I wish he'd just praised the SEC and left it at that.
Now deep into the throes of nostalgia, Newt reminds us (like it's a wise course of action) that he wants to have Lincoln-Douglas debates with President Obama. I guess the 1960s were just too modern for him. Need some of that 1860s action! What, too soon?
And finally the lizardly one has a brilliant plan for helping those disadvantaged among us, or as he puts it, the people who need to "go from foodstamps to paychecks". Classy. He extolls the virtues of fiscal faith as he implores us to "Trust the (job) Creator(s)!" Now we're back into Santo territory. Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in GOPland, but to trust and obey.
Slither (shed), slither (shed), slither.
The horse Newt Gingrich rode in on there was the Social Security Administration and the Federal Student Loan Program, both horrors revisited or visited upon us by (dare I say the word) Progressive Johnson policy. The man-toad really had it in for LBJ last night. Probably jealous of his height. Or his thinness.
Then Newt all but says that college students are lazy and spoiled. "When they find out we really want them to be in class..." he begins a rant. Maybe he's jealous of their youth. Or their learnedness.
Then Newt tells us that by 2015 the states of South Carolina and Alabama will surpass the coastal Chinese provinces in "cheapest places to do business". Can you say race to the bottom? Because low-bid has always been the safest, most ethical practice. Workers DON'T unite! Or eat well. Or speak. Ever. I wish he'd just praised the SEC and left it at that.
Now deep into the throes of nostalgia, Newt reminds us (like it's a wise course of action) that he wants to have Lincoln-Douglas debates with President Obama. I guess the 1960s were just too modern for him. Need some of that 1860s action! What, too soon?
And finally the lizardly one has a brilliant plan for helping those disadvantaged among us, or as he puts it, the people who need to "go from foodstamps to paychecks". Classy. He extolls the virtues of fiscal faith as he implores us to "Trust the (job) Creator(s)!" Now we're back into Santo territory. Trust and obey, for there's no other way, to be happy in GOPland, but to trust and obey.
Slither (shed), slither (shed), slither.
To Market, To Market, To Please a Gov. Rick
Yeah, everybody's talking 'bout a revolution. No, they're all a-flutter about Perry forgetting what he feels so strongly about that he must abolish it. Was it death row inmates? Naw. He can remember that one. Maple syrup? Hell, no! He loves that stuff. I'm getting tired...Ooh, ooh, that's it, the Department of Energy. Add that to Commerce and Education and you got yourself a danged good Texas chili recipe for, well, gas.
But our friend Gov. Rick Perry got out one message loud and clear: Leave it ALL to the "free" market. Now I don't know about you, but the markets I go to are anything but free. Have you seen the price of peanut butter lately? Or butter? Or peanuts? Geez. If they have them free markets in Texas, I might have to make a road trip.
And Rick, poor thang, he just wants to bring all that "free" to our kids' higher learnings. He wants governors and state legislatures (A.K.A. zoos) to appoint bean counters as trustees of their state's universities. (Ever worked in an office, or for a corporation that swept in with a downsizing money-monkey? How'd that work out for ya?) Rick wants to move as much of that learning to the Interwebs so our children can all be home-colleged! Innovation at work, Texas-style. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not against distance learning, I just think them younguns outta get more of the whole college experience, like, I don't know, seeing a different town, gaining a perspective, evolving a world view beyond that of the block they grew up on. Or, they could just learn about distances I guess.
Bean counters. Now we're back to the price of legumes again. Or at least the price of letting a bunch of nuts run our markets and our kids' thought patterns. Isn't it enough that the Texas Board of Education "censors" and selects our textbooks for us? Must we go whole-hog Lone Star?
I'd prefer all fifty stars, thank you very much. And some Beano.
But our friend Gov. Rick Perry got out one message loud and clear: Leave it ALL to the "free" market. Now I don't know about you, but the markets I go to are anything but free. Have you seen the price of peanut butter lately? Or butter? Or peanuts? Geez. If they have them free markets in Texas, I might have to make a road trip.
And Rick, poor thang, he just wants to bring all that "free" to our kids' higher learnings. He wants governors and state legislatures (A.K.A. zoos) to appoint bean counters as trustees of their state's universities. (Ever worked in an office, or for a corporation that swept in with a downsizing money-monkey? How'd that work out for ya?) Rick wants to move as much of that learning to the Interwebs so our children can all be home-colleged! Innovation at work, Texas-style. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not against distance learning, I just think them younguns outta get more of the whole college experience, like, I don't know, seeing a different town, gaining a perspective, evolving a world view beyond that of the block they grew up on. Or, they could just learn about distances I guess.
Bean counters. Now we're back to the price of legumes again. Or at least the price of letting a bunch of nuts run our markets and our kids' thought patterns. Isn't it enough that the Texas Board of Education "censors" and selects our textbooks for us? Must we go whole-hog Lone Star?
I'd prefer all fifty stars, thank you very much. And some Beano.
Paul, Don't Stall
It was way into the wee minutes of this debate before our favorite little wind-up doll, Rep. Ron Paul, got out an entire mouthful of syllables. Maybe he's a pull-string doll and we didn't pull hard enough.
Anyway, here's what he had to tell us about "crony capitalism": It only occurs at the Federal government level and never in businesses. You know, because they turn a profit and that makes cronyism impossible. Swear to the Doll Diva, I'm trying to follow. Maybe if he talked about, oh...
BUBBLES!! YAY, BUBBLES!! I just love a man with a fear of translucent, gassy soapwater. Ron tells us that, of course, the Federal government should not be involved in education (nor governing, for that matter), and that the student loan program must go away. "They can pay for school the same way they pay for cell phones and computers," he deftly explained. (It was a nod to the "free market" if his intent was to conjure the opposite of translucent, or opaque. I prefer obtuse, but that's just my angle.) But he did tell us what the government is good for: "They make bubbles!" Finally, a constitutionally sound basis for our government to continue to exist. The manufacture of bubbles.
The United Globule of Airmerica. Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?
Anyway, here's what he had to tell us about "crony capitalism": It only occurs at the Federal government level and never in businesses. You know, because they turn a profit and that makes cronyism impossible. Swear to the Doll Diva, I'm trying to follow. Maybe if he talked about, oh...
BUBBLES!! YAY, BUBBLES!! I just love a man with a fear of translucent, gassy soapwater. Ron tells us that, of course, the Federal government should not be involved in education (nor governing, for that matter), and that the student loan program must go away. "They can pay for school the same way they pay for cell phones and computers," he deftly explained. (It was a nod to the "free market" if his intent was to conjure the opposite of translucent, or opaque. I prefer obtuse, but that's just my angle.) But he did tell us what the government is good for: "They make bubbles!" Finally, a constitutionally sound basis for our government to continue to exist. The manufacture of bubbles.
The United Globule of Airmerica. Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?
You Say Huntsman, I Say Roget
Hey, teeheehee, Jon Huntsman said "efficacious"! (That's the pre-teen boy's equivalent to booger. Or dookey.)
Oh, huh-huh, then he said "diminution"! (Now we're up to fart and weenie.)
Then he said Mitt Romney was pandering on the subject of tariffs. (Hey, that's not funny.)
And when he raised up a butt-cheek at the rest of the stage and let out a big old smelly "Too big to fail" is bad and must go. Causing Rick Perry to have to concede the point. I will tickled, but all the pre-teen boys of the world chose to go to bed and read. Anything.
Finally he said we Americans are "the most blue sky people the world has ever known." And the boys' parents trotted off to bed because Jon just wasn't funny anymore. The End. Good-night.
Oh, huh-huh, then he said "diminution"! (Now we're up to fart and weenie.)
Then he said Mitt Romney was pandering on the subject of tariffs. (Hey, that's not funny.)
And when he raised up a butt-cheek at the rest of the stage and let out a big old smelly "Too big to fail" is bad and must go. Causing Rick Perry to have to concede the point. I will tickled, but all the pre-teen boys of the world chose to go to bed and read. Anything.
Finally he said we Americans are "the most blue sky people the world has ever known." And the boys' parents trotted off to bed because Jon just wasn't funny anymore. The End. Good-night.
Bachmann Turns Up Hyperdrive
Thank the rock for lifting and giving us Michele Bachmann. Certainly no one else has her finger on the world in quite the same fashion. (I'm picturing a woman emerging from a restroom with toilet paper stuck to her stiletto, but feel free to draw your own image.)
First she stretches her oratory to the height of "tee-shirt logic" with this little gem: If you tax everybody something then they'll "get the mentality" (lovely phrase that) that Freedom isn't free. They need to pay for getting to live in this great country, she maintains. And you know what, Michele? They'll also "get the mentality" that living below the poverty level and contributing to payroll taxes--as well as all our consumer taxes--isn't enough. This America place exacts a hefty cover charge, now doesn't she?
Secondly, Michele redirects us toward the shiny objects of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac: They ask for government funding then pay out huge bonuses to their top 10 people. Huh, reminds me of some other segment of our population. A small percentage, but I just cannot recall...corpor...Wall St...oh, look, it's Elvis' birthday again!
And finally, and certainly most importantly, Representative (of what I'm never sure) Bachmann, now a theater critic, tells us that "the Chinese are bad actors". She must sit on some pretty heavy duty committees to get that kind of national security briefing! Just when I thought she'd made her point, she went on to add that "they sent us some bad computer chips" which we're using at the Pentagon! For our weapons systems! I can just hear all the little old men on their little old typewriters in their little old basements clicking away at their little old conspiracy theories. But seriously, China may pose certain threats, including cyber-security concerns, but whenever Michele says it, I just cannot separate the message from the messenger. There she is with her toilet paper shoe again, walking around with her hair on fire, hoping the rocks will release her fellow trolls soon.
And that's when we will all need our safe-rooms for sure!
First she stretches her oratory to the height of "tee-shirt logic" with this little gem: If you tax everybody something then they'll "get the mentality" (lovely phrase that) that Freedom isn't free. They need to pay for getting to live in this great country, she maintains. And you know what, Michele? They'll also "get the mentality" that living below the poverty level and contributing to payroll taxes--as well as all our consumer taxes--isn't enough. This America place exacts a hefty cover charge, now doesn't she?
Secondly, Michele redirects us toward the shiny objects of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac: They ask for government funding then pay out huge bonuses to their top 10 people. Huh, reminds me of some other segment of our population. A small percentage, but I just cannot recall...corpor...Wall St...oh, look, it's Elvis' birthday again!
And finally, and certainly most importantly, Representative (of what I'm never sure) Bachmann, now a theater critic, tells us that "the Chinese are bad actors". She must sit on some pretty heavy duty committees to get that kind of national security briefing! Just when I thought she'd made her point, she went on to add that "they sent us some bad computer chips" which we're using at the Pentagon! For our weapons systems! I can just hear all the little old men on their little old typewriters in their little old basements clicking away at their little old conspiracy theories. But seriously, China may pose certain threats, including cyber-security concerns, but whenever Michele says it, I just cannot separate the message from the messenger. There she is with her toilet paper shoe again, walking around with her hair on fire, hoping the rocks will release her fellow trolls soon.
And that's when we will all need our safe-rooms for sure!
Santo Please Stop Here
It's nearly the most wonderful time of the year...you know, when people dress "gaily" and "merrily" say to thee, "Oh, did you hearrrrrr? Rick Santorum's got to bow out; the time is nearrrrr."
'Cuz why, you ask? Well, the man barely got a word in during the entire two hours. Now granted, the topic was the economy and Ricky just ain't got that much juju unless the topic is bedroom stuff. Boardroom, he just doesn't do.
But when he could be heard intoning from his little hovel of a lectern off to the side of the side of the stage--he was the farthest to the left, ironically--he made three main points.
Point One: You too, Mr. and Mr. (no, that can't be), Mr. and Mrs. 99% can be in that 1%. Really, you can. Trust us Repubs because we understand the monied lot. We can give you a recommendation! I swear that was his intent. Turn that blue collar into blue blood you can, you can!
Point Two: If everyone had just listened to me in the 1990s none of this mess would've happened. He's prescient, you know. He predicted everything and even tried to stop it all, or so Nostradon't-ask-don't-tell-us would have us believe. He and Newt just love them some '90s!
Point Three: All of President Obama's nasty regulations must be repealed! So whenever you make that bank deposit or breathe you some air or drink from a fountain or buy some fresh produce, do what Rick does, put all your trust in the lord that all will be well, so long as you believe. Rick conveniently overlooks the slight fact that de-regulation sorta-kinda got us into this mess in the first place. Damn, I think I just blasphemed!
Oh Ricky you're so blind, you're so blind you blow my mind, hey, Ricky!
'Cuz why, you ask? Well, the man barely got a word in during the entire two hours. Now granted, the topic was the economy and Ricky just ain't got that much juju unless the topic is bedroom stuff. Boardroom, he just doesn't do.
But when he could be heard intoning from his little hovel of a lectern off to the side of the side of the stage--he was the farthest to the left, ironically--he made three main points.
Point One: You too, Mr. and Mr. (no, that can't be), Mr. and Mrs. 99% can be in that 1%. Really, you can. Trust us Repubs because we understand the monied lot. We can give you a recommendation! I swear that was his intent. Turn that blue collar into blue blood you can, you can!
Point Two: If everyone had just listened to me in the 1990s none of this mess would've happened. He's prescient, you know. He predicted everything and even tried to stop it all, or so Nostradon't-ask-don't-tell-us would have us believe. He and Newt just love them some '90s!
Point Three: All of President Obama's nasty regulations must be repealed! So whenever you make that bank deposit or breathe you some air or drink from a fountain or buy some fresh produce, do what Rick does, put all your trust in the lord that all will be well, so long as you believe. Rick conveniently overlooks the slight fact that de-regulation sorta-kinda got us into this mess in the first place. Damn, I think I just blasphemed!
Oh Ricky you're so blind, you're so blind you blow my mind, hey, Ricky!
Top Five Cainisms from Debate
Herman "She is Her and I am the Man" Cain, when taken out of context, let some pretty funny phrases fly in last night's CNBC Republican Debate.
Number Five: "Princess Nancy (Pelosi)"--an interesting choice for a man with "female problems"
Number Four: "...only one with a bold plan who's ready to defend it"--Be very afraid.
Number Three: "...front door or back door"--uh-huh
Number Two: "Putting stuff in the caboose"--Way too much information!
and Number One: "If they fully understand it, they will demand it."--Think a lot of yourself, eh?
The Godfather also wanted us to understand that if we first help the businesses then all will be well and we'll all be just fine. Novel approach? Sure.
And it should be noted, for those of you who missed this non-confrontational snoozer, that the audience booed audibly whenever John Har-harwood (it's a "Frasier" joke) broached the subject of Mr. Cain's recent alleged scandal. Sadly they were not recoiling at the "candidate's" dispossession of basic facts.
Number Five: "Princess Nancy (Pelosi)"--an interesting choice for a man with "female problems"
Number Four: "...only one with a bold plan who's ready to defend it"--Be very afraid.
Number Three: "...front door or back door"--uh-huh
Number Two: "Putting stuff in the caboose"--Way too much information!
and Number One: "If they fully understand it, they will demand it."--Think a lot of yourself, eh?
The Godfather also wanted us to understand that if we first help the businesses then all will be well and we'll all be just fine. Novel approach? Sure.
And it should be noted, for those of you who missed this non-confrontational snoozer, that the audience booed audibly whenever John Har-harwood (it's a "Frasier" joke) broached the subject of Mr. Cain's recent alleged scandal. Sadly they were not recoiling at the "candidate's" dispossession of basic facts.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I Wanna Be Herman Cain
Our favorite beleaguered pizza man, Herman Cain, said the most amazing thing: "I've never acted inappropriately with anyone." Man, can I get me some of that?
Can you imagine yourself NEVER being inappropriate, never committing a social faux pas, never saying the wrong thing to anyone else? It's a fairy land that I just don't believe has a population.
Perhaps Mr. Cain isn't impulsive, because I find that many of my questionable public events seem to come out of clear air: Who said that? I said that? Aloud? Oh. Maybe Mr. Cain thinks every time before he speaks...okay, that one's a no go. Hellloooo, China!
You don't think he's actually so full of himself that he finds it impossible to conceive of his having made a mistake? Think George Bush when asked in that Kerry debate if he ever did anything wrong. Yeah, that's what we need: A President who thinks he's always right, no matter what. That's always gotten terrific results, hasn't it?
So if we are to believe Mr. Cain's statement that means he's never made an off-color joke (I didn't mean that in the racial sense), never uttered a salacious expletive (fuck, no!), and never given an opinion that hurt another's feelings (like you even know what I'm talking about).
See, I don't think it's possible. We are HUMAN. He is HERMAN. Any questions?
Can you imagine yourself NEVER being inappropriate, never committing a social faux pas, never saying the wrong thing to anyone else? It's a fairy land that I just don't believe has a population.
Perhaps Mr. Cain isn't impulsive, because I find that many of my questionable public events seem to come out of clear air: Who said that? I said that? Aloud? Oh. Maybe Mr. Cain thinks every time before he speaks...okay, that one's a no go. Hellloooo, China!
You don't think he's actually so full of himself that he finds it impossible to conceive of his having made a mistake? Think George Bush when asked in that Kerry debate if he ever did anything wrong. Yeah, that's what we need: A President who thinks he's always right, no matter what. That's always gotten terrific results, hasn't it?
So if we are to believe Mr. Cain's statement that means he's never made an off-color joke (I didn't mean that in the racial sense), never uttered a salacious expletive (fuck, no!), and never given an opinion that hurt another's feelings (like you even know what I'm talking about).
See, I don't think it's possible. We are HUMAN. He is HERMAN. Any questions?
POLLS: The Glass Half Full
This has been plaguing my mind for quite some time; since the Healthcare Reform days, for example.
A poll will come out and show that a large percentage of those questioned feel unfavorably about a topic, in our example, healthcare reform. The pundits look, quickly, at the numbers and wax on about the results for days and weeks. But I looked at it this way: Yeah, a majority think the President should push for more, like the public mandate or a single-payer system.
The current NBC/Wall Street Times poll tells us that 76% say our country is "on the wrong track" and the pundits would have us believe that this is a disparaging of the President. I disagree. I'd probably answer "NO" to that one and we all know for whom I will vote. POTUS is not the "sole engineer" of our national railroad, and I think--just like with healthcare--that a good number of those responses are meant to show disapproval of The Congress in general and the obstructive Republicans specifically. Same goes for the numbers of those who do not favor the trajectory--not that there is one--of our economy. The American people are savvy enough to see the obvious: Divided government is great but a stagnant, inactive government is dangerous.
I'm certainly cockeyed, and most likely an optimist, but that's the way I choose to read the polls. Martin Basheer is asking Gene Robinson that question RIGHT NOW on the TV. Martin finds the polls of wrong track, yet still supporting Obama, to be contradictory.
Mr. Basheer, I refer you to this blog post. Free refills, today only! Drink up.
A poll will come out and show that a large percentage of those questioned feel unfavorably about a topic, in our example, healthcare reform. The pundits look, quickly, at the numbers and wax on about the results for days and weeks. But I looked at it this way: Yeah, a majority think the President should push for more, like the public mandate or a single-payer system.
The current NBC/Wall Street Times poll tells us that 76% say our country is "on the wrong track" and the pundits would have us believe that this is a disparaging of the President. I disagree. I'd probably answer "NO" to that one and we all know for whom I will vote. POTUS is not the "sole engineer" of our national railroad, and I think--just like with healthcare--that a good number of those responses are meant to show disapproval of The Congress in general and the obstructive Republicans specifically. Same goes for the numbers of those who do not favor the trajectory--not that there is one--of our economy. The American people are savvy enough to see the obvious: Divided government is great but a stagnant, inactive government is dangerous.
I'm certainly cockeyed, and most likely an optimist, but that's the way I choose to read the polls. Martin Basheer is asking Gene Robinson that question RIGHT NOW on the TV. Martin finds the polls of wrong track, yet still supporting Obama, to be contradictory.
Mr. Basheer, I refer you to this blog post. Free refills, today only! Drink up.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Why We Occupy the Twitter
I only came to the Twitter Machine recently, as in like the last few months. And I remember when I started hearing a lot about Twitter; I thought, wow, how obnoxious. Seriously, people writing, ever so briefly, about their every move?
But now that I'm delving deeper, I get it. With Twitter you can reach out beyond your physical space and find others of like mind, fellow travelers, if you will. You hashtag your interests and voila, you make new friends. And you read a lot of really funny stuff.
Like the short story is a far more difficult medium than the novel (in my opinion), you can challenge yourself to be witty, charming, and factually relevant in 140 characters or less. You can "get in, make your Z, and get out" as Zorro would have it.
Then there's the cachet of rubbing virtual elbows with greatness. Like last night. I was so, so stoked when @CharlesMBlow tweeted to me, directly. I'd given him a little creative idea with which to handle a situation and he was nice enough to reply and compliment me. That was cool.
And like the day, several months back, when President Obama's Colorado campaign office began following me. I'm not ashamed to say that I took a picture of that page of my account. Man, I'm a wonk!
All of the positive upheaval in the world these days is fed on a steady appetite of social media, mainly Twitter. It has become the scout who goes ahead of the foot soldiers for news and the Pony Express of a new revolution. We're typing away at our modern printing presses and rushing them out to the public. We're lighting our lanterns, hopping on our computer horses, and heading out into the dark night of a civilization agitated. The Occupy Movement is the latest benefactor of our connectedness.
Those of us on a certain segment of the political spectrum are pouring a lot of our frustrations and a lot of our solutions into this movement through Twitter. And that's a good thing.
That's DEMOCRACY!
But now that I'm delving deeper, I get it. With Twitter you can reach out beyond your physical space and find others of like mind, fellow travelers, if you will. You hashtag your interests and voila, you make new friends. And you read a lot of really funny stuff.
Like the short story is a far more difficult medium than the novel (in my opinion), you can challenge yourself to be witty, charming, and factually relevant in 140 characters or less. You can "get in, make your Z, and get out" as Zorro would have it.
Then there's the cachet of rubbing virtual elbows with greatness. Like last night. I was so, so stoked when @CharlesMBlow tweeted to me, directly. I'd given him a little creative idea with which to handle a situation and he was nice enough to reply and compliment me. That was cool.
And like the day, several months back, when President Obama's Colorado campaign office began following me. I'm not ashamed to say that I took a picture of that page of my account. Man, I'm a wonk!
All of the positive upheaval in the world these days is fed on a steady appetite of social media, mainly Twitter. It has become the scout who goes ahead of the foot soldiers for news and the Pony Express of a new revolution. We're typing away at our modern printing presses and rushing them out to the public. We're lighting our lanterns, hopping on our computer horses, and heading out into the dark night of a civilization agitated. The Occupy Movement is the latest benefactor of our connectedness.
Those of us on a certain segment of the political spectrum are pouring a lot of our frustrations and a lot of our solutions into this movement through Twitter. And that's a good thing.
That's DEMOCRACY!
Friday, November 4, 2011
WEEK TEN: Where the Buffalo ROME
I'm picking 30 games this week and the vast majority I have chosen based on one element of their record: To whom have they lost and who they have beaten. While this isn't always a reliable indicator, as on any given day any team can accomplish anything, we'll see what it gets me.
So, going mainly on strength of schedule, here are your picks (winners in CAPS):
FRIDAY NIGHT
*USC kills Colorado (Good grief, Buffs. When are we gonna play football in Boulder again? Can Embree be worse than Hawkins? No really, I'm asking.)
SATURDAY'S MATCH-UPS
*MICHIGAN gives the blues to Iowa
*Minnesota digs a burrow, though they were brave last week, at MICHIGAN STATE
*Texas Tech wrecks in TEXAS
*LOUISVILLE flutters by Washington State (Anything Cardinal these days, right?)
*SYRACUSE kennels Connecticut
*Indiana continues its slide at the horseshoe of OHIO STATE
*Vanderbilt sinks in the swamp to FLORIDA
*New Mexico State falls to the shrubbers of GEORGIA
*Kansas falls flat at IOWA STATE (Flat, you know.)
*Duke is burned by MIAMI (Sun-burned devils. That's so hot.)
*STANFORD, praises be forever upon them, passes the test at Oregon State
*Texas A&M tries but fails, blowing its "gig" at OKLAHOMA
*Northwestern gets husked by NEBRASKA
~~~~CLOSE GAME ALERT/CLOSE GAME ALERT~~~~~
*Purdue gets their boiler made over by the Campers of Randall, WISCONSIN (Okay, this is one that I did not go with who has beaten who...Here, I went with the pattern: Wisconsin has won, and therefore lost, every other game all season. This is their "WIN" week. Science people, science.
*ARMY trips, falls, then marches past our hometown fliers, Air Force (sorry 'bout that trophy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI goes coastal on East Carolina
*Idaho continues to vandalize itself at SAN JOSE STATE
*WASHINGTON STATE, it pains me to say, tarnishes the Cal Golden Bears (Keep it up, coach, and I'll go back to calling you Ted Jefford!)
*HOUSTON rockets past the University of Alabama-Birmingham
*Utah, though valiant, falls to the wretched ARIZONA (But you'll still get to see Mike Stoops explode as always, win or lose...it's his "style".)
*South Florida is slowly jousted by RUTGERS
*MISSOURI claws up the bears of Baylor
*South Carolina, in a legal cockfight, is swallowed by the suey pigs of ARKANSAS (Real NatGeo stuff there! And that's just in the grief I'll get for going 'gainst the Columbia Chickens.)
<<<<<AND NOW, YOUR "SIGNATURE SIX" GAMES FOR WEEK TEN>>>>>>
#19 Arizona State, in a devil of a battle, loses to UCLA because I want Rick to come into Boulder bowl eligible on November 19th. So there. I said so.
#1 LSU puts the voodoo on #2 Alabama. Yes, it will be "epic" perhaps, but the game of the century, no.
I have this thing for the crazy when it comes to coaches. Les Miles, need I say "more"?
UPSET ALERT/\\/ UPSET ALERT:
#14 KANSAS STATE will Snyder up old #3 Oklahoma State, knocking the cowboys off their horses and making way for Stanford to ascend to the title game! So sez this TREE-hugger!
THE FINAL THREE--NO NEWS HERE, JUST ARCHETYPES:
NOTRE DAME reviles the demon deacons of Wake Forest in a classic battle of good versus evil.
If you wake in a forest and no one sees you, did you sleep there? Touchdown Jesus grins.
#5 BOISE STATE, wholesome spuds in hand, gambles and wins against the poker chips of the University of Nevada-Las Vegas. Think rock-paper-scissors: Potato beats chip. Easily.
#8 OREGON quacks up Washington because ducks and dogs do not get along, Oregon's got WAY better politics, and Coach Kelly has more of the awesome than Stevie Sark.
So there's your whole next 24 hours, all taken care of. You're welcome. Now go do your good deeds and protesting knowing I've got this part of your life well in hand.
And gyads PLEASE don't watch the Buffies tonight. Don't listen on satellite radio. Don't even THINK in black and gold. Picture no snow-covered Flatirons; drink no Coors Light. It's gonna get ugly. In the parking lot. Or earlier. And for goodness sakes, keep RALPHIE away from that violent Trojan!
So, going mainly on strength of schedule, here are your picks (winners in CAPS):
FRIDAY NIGHT
*USC kills Colorado (Good grief, Buffs. When are we gonna play football in Boulder again? Can Embree be worse than Hawkins? No really, I'm asking.)
SATURDAY'S MATCH-UPS
*MICHIGAN gives the blues to Iowa
*Minnesota digs a burrow, though they were brave last week, at MICHIGAN STATE
*Texas Tech wrecks in TEXAS
*LOUISVILLE flutters by Washington State (Anything Cardinal these days, right?)
*SYRACUSE kennels Connecticut
*Indiana continues its slide at the horseshoe of OHIO STATE
*Vanderbilt sinks in the swamp to FLORIDA
*New Mexico State falls to the shrubbers of GEORGIA
*Kansas falls flat at IOWA STATE (Flat, you know.)
*Duke is burned by MIAMI (Sun-burned devils. That's so hot.)
*STANFORD, praises be forever upon them, passes the test at Oregon State
*Texas A&M tries but fails, blowing its "gig" at OKLAHOMA
*Northwestern gets husked by NEBRASKA
~~~~CLOSE GAME ALERT/CLOSE GAME ALERT~~~~~
*Purdue gets their boiler made over by the Campers of Randall, WISCONSIN (Okay, this is one that I did not go with who has beaten who...Here, I went with the pattern: Wisconsin has won, and therefore lost, every other game all season. This is their "WIN" week. Science people, science.
*ARMY trips, falls, then marches past our hometown fliers, Air Force (sorry 'bout that trophy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI goes coastal on East Carolina
*Idaho continues to vandalize itself at SAN JOSE STATE
*WASHINGTON STATE, it pains me to say, tarnishes the Cal Golden Bears (Keep it up, coach, and I'll go back to calling you Ted Jefford!)
*HOUSTON rockets past the University of Alabama-Birmingham
*Utah, though valiant, falls to the wretched ARIZONA (But you'll still get to see Mike Stoops explode as always, win or lose...it's his "style".)
*South Florida is slowly jousted by RUTGERS
*MISSOURI claws up the bears of Baylor
*South Carolina, in a legal cockfight, is swallowed by the suey pigs of ARKANSAS (Real NatGeo stuff there! And that's just in the grief I'll get for going 'gainst the Columbia Chickens.)
<<<<<AND NOW, YOUR "SIGNATURE SIX" GAMES FOR WEEK TEN>>>>>>
#19 Arizona State, in a devil of a battle, loses to UCLA because I want Rick to come into Boulder bowl eligible on November 19th. So there. I said so.
#1 LSU puts the voodoo on #2 Alabama. Yes, it will be "epic" perhaps, but the game of the century, no.
I have this thing for the crazy when it comes to coaches. Les Miles, need I say "more"?
UPSET ALERT/\\/ UPSET ALERT:
#14 KANSAS STATE will Snyder up old #3 Oklahoma State, knocking the cowboys off their horses and making way for Stanford to ascend to the title game! So sez this TREE-hugger!
THE FINAL THREE--NO NEWS HERE, JUST ARCHETYPES:
NOTRE DAME reviles the demon deacons of Wake Forest in a classic battle of good versus evil.
If you wake in a forest and no one sees you, did you sleep there? Touchdown Jesus grins.
#5 BOISE STATE, wholesome spuds in hand, gambles and wins against the poker chips of the University of Nevada-Las Vegas. Think rock-paper-scissors: Potato beats chip. Easily.
#8 OREGON quacks up Washington because ducks and dogs do not get along, Oregon's got WAY better politics, and Coach Kelly has more of the awesome than Stevie Sark.
So there's your whole next 24 hours, all taken care of. You're welcome. Now go do your good deeds and protesting knowing I've got this part of your life well in hand.
And gyads PLEASE don't watch the Buffies tonight. Don't listen on satellite radio. Don't even THINK in black and gold. Picture no snow-covered Flatirons; drink no Coors Light. It's gonna get ugly. In the parking lot. Or earlier. And for goodness sakes, keep RALPHIE away from that violent Trojan!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sherlock Cain Holmes and the Case of the Missing Knowledge
Sir Reince Conan Priebus has graced us with another installment of his "Sherlock Cain Holmes Mystery Series", and here at the "Cockeyed Cockney Strand Magazine" we have just received the synopsis. So let us rejoin our Irregulars at 221B...make that 999 GOP Street.
Having defeated his arch-nemesis, Professor Perry Moriarity at the Rankingsdown Falls, Sherlock Cain Holmes, after spending weeks in obscurity, rises again to the top of his game as he delves into the case of "The Hound Of the Restaurant Association". Herein, Mr. Holmes is confronted by not one but two (possibly three) Women in Green, though in how much green Mr. Holmes is loathe to say. As he struggles to grasp a clue and as he attempts to illuminate the ever-shifting facts of the case, Prof. Moriarity resurfaces. Sherlock is sure that Moriarity is dead set on ruining his good name. The sleuth notes that the professor even stoops to taking on the false identity of a drug-addled roustabout while he plots his insidious moves.
Holmes takes this information to Inspector Mark Block LeStrade of Scotland Yard who counsels the detective to don his deerstalker cowboy hat and feign amnesia. Meanwhile the inspector attempts to blow smoke rings around Moriarity's claims.
Sensing that this tactic has failed, Sherlock goes to the Diogenes Club, located on Wall Street, to confer with his smarter brother, Mitt Mycroft Holmes, who is presently engaged in a war of words with none other than Prime Minister B. O. himself. Mycroft is too busy to assist his brother and warns Sherlock to forget about any time for future ticket-sharing.
Dejected, our hero wanders the dark streets of Washington and New York, yelling at reporters. He tries in vain to turn back the clock...to 1964 to be exact, but no one's buying it. Alone with his violin, Holmes sings gospel songs about bangers-and-mash and pizza.
Later Dr. Ron Paul Watson discovers Holmes in this sorry state and demands that his old friend get hold of himself: "Remember your Constitution, man!" Then the good doctor calls for Mrs. Michele Hudson to bring up a plate of Iowa State Fair Fried Butter which she always keeps in the larder because between her 27 children and the renters, her boarding house is overflowing.
Mrs. Hudson leaves the tray by the door, shouting to Mr. Holmes that it will be his last straw (poll) unless he cleans up his messes.
It certainly sounds as if Sir Priebus has a wiley stemwinder coming for us soon. Whenever all the edits and revisions have been completed, we'll be sure to print the real story for you here!
Having defeated his arch-nemesis, Professor Perry Moriarity at the Rankingsdown Falls, Sherlock Cain Holmes, after spending weeks in obscurity, rises again to the top of his game as he delves into the case of "The Hound Of the Restaurant Association". Herein, Mr. Holmes is confronted by not one but two (possibly three) Women in Green, though in how much green Mr. Holmes is loathe to say. As he struggles to grasp a clue and as he attempts to illuminate the ever-shifting facts of the case, Prof. Moriarity resurfaces. Sherlock is sure that Moriarity is dead set on ruining his good name. The sleuth notes that the professor even stoops to taking on the false identity of a drug-addled roustabout while he plots his insidious moves.
Holmes takes this information to Inspector Mark Block LeStrade of Scotland Yard who counsels the detective to don his deerstalker cowboy hat and feign amnesia. Meanwhile the inspector attempts to blow smoke rings around Moriarity's claims.
Sensing that this tactic has failed, Sherlock goes to the Diogenes Club, located on Wall Street, to confer with his smarter brother, Mitt Mycroft Holmes, who is presently engaged in a war of words with none other than Prime Minister B. O. himself. Mycroft is too busy to assist his brother and warns Sherlock to forget about any time for future ticket-sharing.
Dejected, our hero wanders the dark streets of Washington and New York, yelling at reporters. He tries in vain to turn back the clock...to 1964 to be exact, but no one's buying it. Alone with his violin, Holmes sings gospel songs about bangers-and-mash and pizza.
Later Dr. Ron Paul Watson discovers Holmes in this sorry state and demands that his old friend get hold of himself: "Remember your Constitution, man!" Then the good doctor calls for Mrs. Michele Hudson to bring up a plate of Iowa State Fair Fried Butter which she always keeps in the larder because between her 27 children and the renters, her boarding house is overflowing.
Mrs. Hudson leaves the tray by the door, shouting to Mr. Holmes that it will be his last straw (poll) unless he cleans up his messes.
It certainly sounds as if Sir Priebus has a wiley stemwinder coming for us soon. Whenever all the edits and revisions have been completed, we'll be sure to print the real story for you here!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Why Did Herman's Hermits Have to Walk Into Rick's?
I know everyone seems altogether exorcized over this "Cain Matinee", but I'm not storming out of the theatre just yet. That may be because I haven't figured out the plot yet or because it's good Karma to stay for the credits, but it isn't because I'm a "liberal, progressive female Democrat". It's not like I''m gonna vote for the guy--you can tell that from the pictures below--but I also don't find it necessary to pull the production in Act One. I'll give Herman Cain a chance to explain himself.
I do not think the "alleged activities" of twelve years ago are his biggest concern at this point--unless something entirely untoward comes to light--but rather the way in which, even with ten-days' notice, he mismanaged his explanation of those events. "Accused" and "committed" are vastly different words, same with "settlement" and "agreement". But Mr. Cain's method of communicating his side of events waffled between self-contradiction and messenger-blaming constantly.
His campaign is certainly not doomed but his credibility has been damaged and is in need of repair. More details and a better handling of them will decide whether his star rises or falls.
~~INTERMISSION~~
Now we're off for the concert of the century, "Rick's Rock". (No, not the one on the hunting grounds--the rock-and-roll variety.) Mr. Perry's animated New Hampshire speech is also the talk of the moment. And as I blogged earlier, I have no problem with the speech and found it refreshing and enjoyable. If you take that speech alone, maybe you have one view. Likewise if you take just his debate performances into account, you will develop another idea of Mr. Perry. BUT, if you look at both his "Manchester vocals" and his "Staged instrumentals" you might just decide to let this guy off the vaudeville hook as it were. (Now I've mixed my metaphor...)
I am reminded of another rising rock star who had his career cut short by one performance: Howard Dean. One little bit of excitement, one "unmanly" scream and you're off the campaign charts forever. That seems so ridiculous when you contemplate one of the biggest problems with our politics--and thus governance--these days which is a propensity to be reactionary rather than take the long view. Are we as "pundits", "observers", and "voters" guilty of the same thing for which we deride our politicians? No one wants a "one-hit wonder" in the Oval Office do they?
Mr. Cain's "debacle" needs to play itself out in the way of facts and in the handling of those facts before a decision is reached and Mr. Perry's "specter" needs to taken as one moment in time. I know I wouldn't want my stupidest day ever recorded for all eternity and replayed on the 24-7 news cycle loop.
While we lament that this isn't the "Golden Age of Washingwood" we need to remember that in the 1930s-40s production values were such that they covered a lot of sins. And though we may not be listening along during the "SuperPac Groups Era", those 1960s-70s rockers didn't have to contend with the extra spotlights of social media and 24-hour entertainment news channels. In other words, it was easier for things to go on behind the scenes when there were scenes to hide behind. No, I'm not suggesting that we go back to no cameras in the courtrooms, closed-door sessions as the norm, nor debone the Freedom of Information Act, I just think we need to look at these things historically and not in a vacuum of the latest goofy gaffe.
So what's my motivation? I'm certainly not going along with the script when I'm defending two candidates I couldn't imagine in the White House. And am I singing off-key? That's for you to decide. I just know that when something hits me as wrong I call it out. And this current singalong of the news cycle has our TV pals over-acting.
I do not think the "alleged activities" of twelve years ago are his biggest concern at this point--unless something entirely untoward comes to light--but rather the way in which, even with ten-days' notice, he mismanaged his explanation of those events. "Accused" and "committed" are vastly different words, same with "settlement" and "agreement". But Mr. Cain's method of communicating his side of events waffled between self-contradiction and messenger-blaming constantly.
His campaign is certainly not doomed but his credibility has been damaged and is in need of repair. More details and a better handling of them will decide whether his star rises or falls.
~~INTERMISSION~~
Now we're off for the concert of the century, "Rick's Rock". (No, not the one on the hunting grounds--the rock-and-roll variety.) Mr. Perry's animated New Hampshire speech is also the talk of the moment. And as I blogged earlier, I have no problem with the speech and found it refreshing and enjoyable. If you take that speech alone, maybe you have one view. Likewise if you take just his debate performances into account, you will develop another idea of Mr. Perry. BUT, if you look at both his "Manchester vocals" and his "Staged instrumentals" you might just decide to let this guy off the vaudeville hook as it were. (Now I've mixed my metaphor...)
I am reminded of another rising rock star who had his career cut short by one performance: Howard Dean. One little bit of excitement, one "unmanly" scream and you're off the campaign charts forever. That seems so ridiculous when you contemplate one of the biggest problems with our politics--and thus governance--these days which is a propensity to be reactionary rather than take the long view. Are we as "pundits", "observers", and "voters" guilty of the same thing for which we deride our politicians? No one wants a "one-hit wonder" in the Oval Office do they?
Mr. Cain's "debacle" needs to play itself out in the way of facts and in the handling of those facts before a decision is reached and Mr. Perry's "specter" needs to taken as one moment in time. I know I wouldn't want my stupidest day ever recorded for all eternity and replayed on the 24-7 news cycle loop.
While we lament that this isn't the "Golden Age of Washingwood" we need to remember that in the 1930s-40s production values were such that they covered a lot of sins. And though we may not be listening along during the "SuperPac Groups Era", those 1960s-70s rockers didn't have to contend with the extra spotlights of social media and 24-hour entertainment news channels. In other words, it was easier for things to go on behind the scenes when there were scenes to hide behind. No, I'm not suggesting that we go back to no cameras in the courtrooms, closed-door sessions as the norm, nor debone the Freedom of Information Act, I just think we need to look at these things historically and not in a vacuum of the latest goofy gaffe.
So what's my motivation? I'm certainly not going along with the script when I'm defending two candidates I couldn't imagine in the White House. And am I singing off-key? That's for you to decide. I just know that when something hits me as wrong I call it out. And this current singalong of the news cycle has our TV pals over-acting.
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